Friendship - Page 3

Evie2004 · ‎09-09-2010

@AngelPuppy1 wrote:
@Evie2004 wrote:
Is it possible for long-term friendships to just go away? I think it is happening to a friend of mine that I have known for over 30 years..we both had boys, with common interests, so spent a lot of time together, even vacationed together a couple of times..now we are both retired & seem to be drifting away..she is a little older than I am, a little more physically impaired than I am, but I am ok with that..we used to shop together once in awhile, but she now just shops online or where she can push a cart (Kohl's)..she is agreeable to going to dinner with our husbands once a month or so, but that is it!
well, today we went to lunch (just us) & she was VERY argumentative with everything I said, this has been happening for awhile..& I have tried to ignore it..but it was a miserable time today..I honestly am noticing some changes in her mentally, like drifting off in mid-sentence, & recent memory lapses..
So, am just wondering if she is ending our friendship..or what? Does this happen?

@Evie2004

Friendships do end at times --- even long term ones. It sounds as if your friend my be experiencing some health issues. Maybe she is not even aware of this happening to her, or perhaps she is, and is not at the point where she wants to discuss it or even acknowledge it. I would not take it as a sign that she does not want to continue your friendship. It could be that she really needs your friendship now more than you know and that she can show. If you get a chance, why not reach out to her one-on-one and state that you are concerned about her and ask her if there is anything that she would like to talk about candidly, and also if there is anything that you can do for her. I am sure that she would appreciate just knowing that you care and are concerned.

you gave me much to think about today..thanks a lot!

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

A very old and close friend of ours was having definite personality changes. She had bad fibro & arthritis plus was going blind. She was so depressed. Once when we were there for a weekend her DH & I went out to walk their dog and he said he really misses his sweet wife. Now all she does is cry or complain. Anyway I told him they should go see the psyciatrist together and talk about this as I thought that some of her meds were the problem. They did and I was right. She got off some of her meds and has gone pretty much back to being her old self. Doctors don't read your mind - you have to tell them stuff.

Perhaps you need to talk to your friend & her DH. My friend is now completely blind but still volunteers and is enjoying her life as best possible under the circumstances. She works with literacy programs, and reads to the kids at the library from braille books.When we visit them she always cooks and I'm amazed what all she can do.

Katcat1 · ‎07-21-2011

From your description of her behavior she may need help and needs to see a doctor. She could have the beginning of Altzheimers or some other conditon. You should stick up for yourself if she is attacking you and bring up why she is being so argumentative (that's what friends are for).

kindness is strength

chiclet · ‎03-19-2010

Yes friendships can just end. Even long term ones. If the friendship no longer fills a need it seems to go away. I have had several long friendships (20 or more years) and when something changed like new friends, distance, etc. the friendship just faded away. I tried to revive it but it just ran its course. A lot of friendships can be very one sided and when you no longer serve a purpose for that person they fade away.

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

I think I'd pop over and have a chat with her. I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately. I wanted to check if everything is okay. Based on the conversation, you should find out if she doesn't want to be friends.

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

She may be in pain, she may have early dementia, she may have had tiny strokes which can alter one's personality. It may not be you. Would you feel comfortable asking a family member about it or would that be awkward? Sometimes family members can't see the obvious and it might be a good idea for someone in the family to be sure that she has a good physical just in case.

Justice4all · ‎12-22-2013

@Stormygirl wrote:
@Evie2004 Hi! Yes is surely possible for even long term friendships to "go away" Whether people outgrow each other, interests change, distance via moving sometimes these things just happen. I am very physically impaired and ...well to be honest depression sometimes goes with the territory, especially when I am in terrible pain. Some of my more active friends do not come around as much as I am not able to walk the mall or climb a mountain...or even do the simplist things at times...things most take for granted. Is sad yeah because I yearn for friendships. Some folks are scared of my pain pump which sticks out of my side and is obvious...sigh.
I do not know the circumstances of your friend (dementia or depression vs other circumstances) so I will not make broad sweeping assumptions or speculate.... I do not know why she was argumentative either (not enuff info given) but I can admit sometimes I am jealous of well bodied walking folks...but I dont show it on the outside. Only time I get a wee bit testy is when someone tells me to "hurry up slow poke" or gets impatient with me as I am hurrying best I can. If she is having memory lapses must be a reason....I know my morphine in the pump can do that sometimes although is not noticable since they changed the combination of meds. Sometimes is medicine..sometimes dementia (I dont know her age either) Just be happy for those wonderful memories, be as supportive as you can...enjoy the monthly dinners......I wouldnt conclude or assume that she is necesarily ending your friendship as you say...maybe something is wrong or she is depressed. I hope you can drawl some pearls from my situation as I rarely say alot about my situation here lately which has become more dire...and I am depressed to be honest. Maybe when she is upbeat ask her if something is wrong? Big hugs to you. xxxx Stormy

@Stormygirl

I am always thinking of you and your dire situation. I understand and have the deepest compassion. Your words are full of understanding and wisdom.

And I know here you have many friendships, if not in body, then in soul.

All love, hugs and kisses, Justice

Justice4all · ‎12-22-2013

@Evie2004

In dementia, some people may be docile, and others become belligerent as part of the disease.

Hayfield · ‎03-10-2010

Friendships can change over the years and some do "just fade away". It has happened to me over the years and while it's very sad you just have to accept it and move on.

DiAnne · ‎09-22-2010

I have a friend of over 40+ years who is becoming difficult. She is several years older than I am and has become very negative. She goes on and on about how she "hates" this or that. It is a chore to talk to her or be around her. I started noticing this a few years ago but chalked it up to a stressful time in her life (death of husband, etc) but it is still very unpleasant. She is financially secure. She lives in a beautiful home in San Diego and is in good health. We live in different states now and I reached a saturation point a several months ago. I occasionally get an e-mail from her but I just don't answer and she doesn't seem to realize I haven't. It is sad to lose a long time friend.