Among Friends

[Evie2004]

Is it possible for long-term friendships to just go away? I think it is happening to a friend of mine that I have known for over 30 years..we both had boys, with common interests, so spent a lot of time together, even vacationed together a couple of times..now we are both retired & seem to be drifting away..she is a little older than I am, a little more physically impaired than I am, but I am ok with that..we used to shop together once in awhile, but she now just shops online or where she can push a cart (Kohl's)..she is agreeable to going to dinner with our husbands once a month or so, but that is it! 

well, today we went to lunch (just us) & she was VERY argumentative with everything I said, this has been happening for awhile..& I have tried to ignore it..but it was a miserable time today..I honestly am noticing some changes in her mentally, like drifting off in mid-sentence, & recent memory lapses..

So, am just wondering if she is ending our friendship..or what? Does this happen?

[Kachina624]

Your interests have changed and now you're growing apart.  As you say, she may be drifting toward dementia or some neurological disorder.  Thing change and it looks like your friendship may be a victim.  Time to develop or renew other friendships. 

[Moonchilde]

It does happen - but the scenario you present in your OP doesn't sound as if it's deliberate - your friend may well be in the early stages of some type of dementia and either be completely unaware of it, OR has perhaps been told and so is very ready to be argumentative about any perceived accusation. You may never discover what's up.

it's sad, but don't in any way doubt yourself over this. Whether it's deliberate or not, nothing you can do about it except remember better times with fondness and chalk this up to Life with a capital L ;-(

[QVCkitty1]

Yes it's possible, and it can blindside you. I had a friend that I worked with for years, we went through all the big moments in life together. When .I retired she stopped speaking to me, I was so hurt. Then a few months later, when our other friend left to babysit her grandchild, she stopped speaking to her. She is younger than we are, and .i think jealous of our ability to leave, but it really hurt.

[Stormygirl]

@Evie2004 Hi! Yes is surely possible for even long term friendships to "go away" Whether people outgrow each other, interests change, distance via moving sometimes these things just happen. I am very physically impaired and ...well to be honest depression sometimes goes with the territory, especially when I am in terrible pain. Some of my more active friends do not come around as much as I am not able to walk the mall or climb a mountain...or even do the simplist things at times...things most take for granted. Is sad yeah because I yearn for friendships. Some folks are scared of my pain pump which sticks out of my side and is obvious...sigh.

I do not know the circumstances of your friend (dementia or depression vs other circumstances) so I will not make broad sweeping assumptions or speculate.... I do not know why she was argumentative either (not enuff info given) but I can admit sometimes I am jealous of well bodied walking folks...but I dont show it on the outside. Only time I get a wee bit testy is when someone tells me to "hurry up slow poke" or gets impatient with me as I am hurrying best I can. If she is having memory lapses must be a reason....I know my morphine in the pump can do that sometimes although is not noticable since they changed the combination of meds. Sometimes is medicine..sometimes dementia (I dont know her age either) Just be happy for those wonderful memories, be as supportive as you can...enjoy the monthly dinners......I wouldnt conclude or assume that she is necesarily ending your friendship as you say...maybe something is wrong or she is depressed. I hope you can drawl some pearls from my situation as I rarely say alot about my situation here lately which has become more dire...and I am depressed to be honest.  Maybe when she is upbeat ask her if something is wrong? Big hugs to you. xxxx Stormy

[Evie2004]

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@Moonchilde wrote:

It does happen - but the scenario you present in your OP doesn't sound as if it's deliberate - your friend may well be in the early stages of some type of dementia and either be completely unaware of it, OR has perhaps been told and so is very ready to be argumentative about any perceived accusation. You may never discover what's up.

it's sad, but don't in any way doubt yourself over this. Whether it's deliberate or not, nothing you can do about it except remember better times with fondness and chalk this up to Life with a capital L ;-(

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Your comments have made me feel so much better..she has been on my mind all afternoon..thanks for your words of encouragement..will just wait & see what happens next..

[Evie2004]

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@Stormygirl wrote:

@Evie2004 Hi! Yes is surely possible for even long term friendships to "go away" Whether people outgrow each other, interests change, distance via moving sometimes these things just happen. I am very physically impaired and ...well to be honest depression sometimes goes with the territory, especially when I am in terrible pain. Some of my more active friends do not come around as much as I am not able to walk the mall or climb a mountain...or even do the simplist things at times...things most take for granted. Is sad yeah because I yearn for friendships. Some folks are scared of my pain pump which sticks out of my side and is obvious...sigh.

I do not know the circumstances of your friend (dementia or depression vs other circumstances) so I will not make broad sweeping assumptions or speculate.... I do not know why she was argumentative either (not enuff ino given) but I can admit sometimes I am jealous of well bodied walking folks...but I dont show it on the outside. Only time I get a wee bit testy is when someone tells me to "hurry up slow poke" or gets impateint with me as I am hurrying best I can. If she is having memeory lapses must be a reason....I know my morphine in the pump can do that sometimes although is not noticable since they changed the combination of meds. Sometimes is medicine..sometimes dementia (I dont know her age either) Just be happy for those wonderful memories, be as supportive as you can...enjoy the monthly dinners......I wouldnt conclude or assume that she is necesarity ending your friendship as you say...maybe something is wrong or she is depressed. I hope you can drawl some pearls from my situation as I rarely say alot about my situation here lately which has become more dire...and I am depressed to be honest.  Maybe when she is upbeat ask her if something is wrong? Big hugs to you. xxxx Stormy

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Thanks Stormy, I will be rereading your post more than once..you have given me much to think about..& thanks for your sweet hugs!

[Drythe]

@Evie2004

Yes, sadly it is.

I hope you are able to move forward and develop new friendships and nurture ones you have.

Please don't let the current situation turn your good memories sour.  The important thing, in my mind, is to remember and be grateful for the good times you shared.

Sadly, from my personal experience you may likely never know what caused the change, but you may be contacted after time has passed asking for a rapprochement.

[Drythe]

@Stormygirl

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

[Stormygirl]

@Drythe Aww hugs to you too...thank you. You made me smile tonight....something I havent been doing much of lately. Thanks xxxxxxxxxx Stormy.