Among Friends

[chrystaltree]

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@Mom2Dogs wrote:

I am sort of experiencing this....this friendship has been on going for 40+years..we still keep in touch on a regular basis and do the same things as we always have but she has grown closer to her sisters (which we are all friends) but things just 'feel' different....could be me but I was once the one she would call if she wanted to shop..have lunch, needed something etc, (and I did the same) but now that others have been included it just changes the mix of the group....I feel like I have taken a back seat....but these are my feelings and may not be true at all.  

I can relate, that's different from a friendship losing steam.  40 years is a lifetime, I have been friends with my bff for 35 years and she's more like a sister than a friend.  I think you got it right; the dynamics of your friendship have changed now that she's close to her sisters.  There new friends in the mix and if you all like each other and are compatible, it will sort itself out. But your friendship will different now.  Not "less" of a friendship, just different.  I think since they are sisters, you are feeling like odd man out. That's normal.  You just have give it time.  I have good friend, I have a small circle of good friends, there were 4 of us.  Now there are 5 because the sister of one has joined our group.  She's single, no children and after she retired she said she lost her friends.  I can see how that could happen.  We all took to her immediately, she's fit right in and she's funny and warm and a QVC shopper.  The problem is the two sisters bicker and snipe at each other all the time.  I think our old friend is having trouble adjusting to the change in dynamics.  

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[hckynut]

Yes, many! Different reasons for most, but my way of ending any friendship, is straight forward. I am not one that leaves anyone guessing about any type of relationship.

hckynut

[shortbreadlover]

 i just let the friendship die .i had to do thjis with a good friend recently.  it just got the the point that she was draining me.

[blackhole99]

I could always tell when a friendship was going down the drain, we just didn't enjoy being together anymore and let it go. I have never had a long term friendship, I had friendships from school, but that ended when school did. Once I got married my best friend was my husband and I had less time for the friends I made at work. I remember how disappointed I was when my cousin and her friend since high school, ended their 50 year friendship.

[lynnie61]

It happens. I was usually the one that tried to keep some of the friends together trying to keep events planned. (Not often 3/4 times a year). Most of us still work/ have families or spouses.  I can always understand if someone can’t make it. We usually start with offers of a few different days to choose from.  One of the group rarely ever makes it. It’s ok. Maybe she outgrew us, but I don’t take it personal. Peoples lives change and priorities change.  But. . . I will only put so much effort forth if you cancel 75% of the time.  The rest of us seem to enjoy our outings still

[occasionalrain]

Years ago when my best friend got married, neither my husband nor I liked him so it wasn't long until that friendship ended. Since then some friends have had grandchildren and they have become central to their lives and, unfortunately, their conversation. How much does anyone care about another's grandchildren?

[Mom2Dogs]

@occasionalrain.....you are so right about the grandchildren conversation...the group of 3 other girls I run with 2 of them have grandkids....that is about all they talk about.  I don't mind hearing something once in a while but there are many other things to discuss....I don't have children, so I am probably biased....it gets old very fast.

[jeanlake]

Lots of good thoughts on the subject. I do believe we have people in our lives for seasons and there may be only a handful of people who are 'all season' friends. 

I'm currently going through this distance with a friend I've known for 32 years. She's made bizarre decisions for 10 years, since her husband passed. Won't listen to anyone or get counseling. Her grown children and friends are weary. I needed space and I tried to explain why. 

Another friend I've known for 15 years -- is so religious now. It's as if she's joined a cult. It's not normal and it's hard to talk with her. Several friends are backing off. I'm right behind them. 

Different seasons. Feels mean, but you have to save yourself sometimes. 

[dex]

I have a friend in the process of unfriending me I think.She seems to be less talkative.My dh recently retired and I have been busy keeping him busy so it is probably my fault.I should ask her what’s going on to be sure.

[SeaMaiden]

Yes. It has happened many many times during my life stages... especially in my 20's and 30's....... I had BEST BEST girl friends  and even several platonic boy friends.  We were super close and did everything together.  Then it just gradually stopped... and we all moved on with our lives.

I have always made friends very easy...  in childhood I always had many many friends... close friends... and  also as an adult.... many friendships  became very close.  But, none of them are in my life today.  I just out grew the relationship and the friendship no longer was needed. 

Today at age 63 I have no close friends..  It is how I want it now... I do not want close friends.  They require too much to nourish the relationship. I do not want pressure to do things or go places...