Among Friends

[Gayle2]

Last fall, I celebrated my birthday with my two sisters.  We spent much time discussing firendships we have had over the years form childhood on.  Both of my sisters had mentioned that their were certain firendships that they had "ourgrown".   With that said, have you every felt like you have outgrown a friendship?  If so, how did you handle it?

[IMW]

I gradually lessen contact, if they don’t get the hint I tell 

them I no longer have the same interests and my time is too valuable to pretend. I wish them the best......

It isn’t easy, but it sure is a relief. I have enough things I have to do in life, being “friends” is not one of them.

[VaBelle35]

I agree that we outgrow people.  People who don't bring anything positive I tend to lessen contact with.

[barb40]

Great question!  I do think friendships evolve and change over the years.  A phrase that comes to mind is..."Don't try to swim the ocean for someone who won't jump over a puddle for you."  

I'm struggling with a 40 year friendship that seems to be dissolving...I'm not quite sure what to do about it...still pondering...it may just naturally fizzle out...

[OKPrincess]

This saying (May have picked it up here) comes to mind.

Since I no longer work, I don’t have the friendship as we once shared. But I still in contact with two ladies I worked with in 1986. We bonded then and still see each other often.

[BirkiLady]

Cannot be hurtful when friendships evolve. I try to let them end by mutual necessity and naturally. No one feels pained or jilted. Life goes on for all parties concerned. We are able to be friendly when we do run into each other and stop for a quick "catch up" . . . which is important for everyone who enters our lives. We never know when something may happen and that person may need our help or vice-versa. I don't burn any bridges. 

[chrystaltree]

Yes, I have.  I think most people experience that because people come into our lives at various times and we bond because we have shared experiences.  I have become good friends with people I worked with over the years, we bonded and saw each other outside of work but it was the work that kept us together.  Once we didn't have that, the bonds weaken and you find yourself "trying" to hard to maintain the friendship.  That can put a strain on the friendship.  When you stop "trying" to make it work, the friendship either dies a natural death or you become acquaintences who see each other occasionally.  I never see the friends I had when we we all lived close to each other and were raising our kids because the only things we had in common were the kids and their activities.  There was no "break up", we just saw less and less of each other over time and then we didn't see each other at all.  

[Shanus]

I think this happens to most of us, but as long as it works about 75% of the time, I’ll work on the friendship. Finding new good fiends at this age is not easy.

[Mom2Dogs]

I am sort of experiencing this....this friendship has been on going for 40+years..we still keep in touch on a regular basis and do the same things as we always have but she has grown closer to her sisters (which we are all friends) but things just 'feel' different....could be me but I was once the one she would call if she wanted to shop..have lunch, needed something etc, (and I did the same) but now that others have been included it just changes the mix of the group....I feel like I have taken a back seat....but these are my feelings and may not be true at all.  

[libbyannE]

 I really value long-time friendships but I had to let go of one of them. The person in question was often negative, and every conversation seemed to involve one-sided  jealousy and put-downs from her. I had known her since third grade and never responded in kind but I got so tired of it. When we reached about 40 years old and she was still like that, there was so much else going on in my life that I just couldn’t take it anymore and I dropped her. I’ve never done that with anyone else. Before or since.