Re: For Some Reason I Just Can't Stop Crying

MoJoV · ‎10-01-2010

@rms1954 I'm speechless at the tragedies some women here have endured. No words seem adequate. You have a right to your tears, blessings to you.

Trees are the lungs of the Earth

rms1954 · ‎06-06-2019

@manny2 wrote:
@rms1954 wrote:
@Mom2Dogs wrote:
@rms1954 I had a friend that lost her husband, it was not expected.. She took 30 days off...no family, no calls, no going anywhere. She said those 30 days of no connection with any one really helped her.
That's what I wanted also ... just some time on my own; but it was not honored by my family. I got bullied and taken advantage of in my time of need. Telling me what was proper and what I NEEDED to do. So the family got what they needed and they go on and here I am alone and lost.

No, you are not alone, @rms1954 we are here. You can do whatever feels right for you. Your family will either support you or they won’t. That is OK.

Thank you ... reading all the responses and shared experiences really helped. It's just a good feeling knowing I can come here and just share what is going on inside me. So much understanding. I've always buried my feelings and never voiced what I need or want. (Another whole story how I got there but that's another time. It's just the way I've always been ... has something to do with the way I was brought up.)

For now I think I may want to join a support group but I'll probably make a fool of myself. I find it difficult to open up esp if it's a group of people. I'll think on it.

Zaimee · ‎07-17-2019

@rms1954

I am glad that you are open to going to a support group. You will absolutely not embarrass yourself in any way. The people in the group will have experienced the same loss as you, the loss of a child. They may be further along in their grief and be able to talk about it. You might hear others who share about how they coped or, more important, how they didn't in the beginning. You might recognize yourself in the discussions. You do not need to talk. Just listen. Something will connect. Someone will reach out. The people in the room are in a club NO ONE wants to be in; the loss of a child, any age. Different than losing a parent, spouse, or a pet.

You may need to go to more than one group. I was lucky I found The Compassionate Friends. These are parents having lost children of all ages by different ways who run the meeting. I cried thru the first meeting but someone came over after and gave me a hug and I returned the next month and continued for a long time, as I moved along in my grief and felt I could then, help someone else.My husband went for awhile and connected with someone that he still talks to.

Your heart is broken. I understand. Wishing you some peace.

rms1954 · ‎06-06-2019

@Zaimee reading your response and am just weeping so hard. So many people in pain and it makes me so sad. I start to feel it coming on and it's like I can't breathe and it takes over. I can't stop the tears. And it goes on like forever until I'm exhausted and then when it finally stops I feel like a zombie walking around in a daze. I know this sounds all weird. But I thank you for telling me your experience.

Peace to you and your husband. 🙏🏻

fairydogmother · ‎03-10-2010

another excellent support group is Griefshare. It is a thirteen week program for anyone who is suffering the loss of a loved one. It is offered by churches, do a search for one in your area. I completed the program about two years after Patrick's death. It's a combination of a video presentation featuring grief counselors, psychologists and lay people discussing each week's topic. Followed by group discussion with a trained facilitator. There is a workbook also. The program was designed and launched by David and Nancy Guthrie. She is a well know Christian leader and author.

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RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

@rms1954

I am happy you are encouraged by reading here and will give thought to grief support. I do urge you to take the first step to healing yourself by just going to a session. You will be surrounded by support and encouragement, and allowed to share when you are ready, no pressure.

38 years ago my 62 year old aunt committed suicide, 2 years after my uncle died and a few months after being diagnosed with diabetes. She was straightforward about her intentions, but even with medical support and a month of inpatient treatment, she came home from the facility and was gone within a few hours.

I was very close to my aunt and my grief and pain were intense. I couldn't understand why my aunt would do something so hurtful to all of us who loved her so much!

I let my grief turn into anger that lasted for many years. I knew that was wrong, and I prayed to get rid of those harsh feelings. Days and years passed with me holding onto this weighty anger against my aunt. During this time, I become more and more aware of what is being shared about the darkness of depression, mental illness, feelings of hopelessness and suicide, that made me look at her situation differently. As I learned more, my anger lessened, until I finally realized I could let it all go.

And then I had the dream where I saw my aunt and uncle standing together, holding hands and smiling, looking so young and happy, and from that moment my heart has been at peace. I send you prayers for strength and peace.

Zaimee · ‎07-17-2019

@rms1954 This is NORMAL.

When my son passed I was still teaching. I was busy during the day and had a lot of support from colleagues and parents. But when home, I cried and cried. And yes, couldn't breathe. Weekends were terrible. Bed days as I stayed in bed.Husbands was a mess.

When Spring break came, I had a breakdown one day. Googled and found the number for the group. Spoke to someone who listened as I cried and told my story. Told me to come to meeting.Lived for those meetings. It wasn't "Miseryloves company" but just hearing and seeing other people survive.

During summer break, I tried to keep busy. Teachers friends scheduled weekly visits. It took a long time to do normal activities like going out with other people or allowing ourselves to have fun.

You are very early in your journey. Others will tell you to get on with your life. Again, people and family mean well but it doesn't work that way.

Just some advice from someone who understands.

SportyShorty07 · ‎04-15-2014

@rms1954 I am so sorry about the loss of your son. I extend my heartfelt prayer and thoughts to you and everyone who has lost someone- I am so sorry. I read in your post that you've been crying- I want you to know that crying is natural and necessary and you can cry whenever you need to, wherever you need to. Crying is the way for the body to work through emotions and I think it takes strength to let tears flow. Your insightfulness, self-awareness, your courageous and honest acknowledgement of your feelings and thoughts- all of those attributes will help you as you are confronting and nurturing your thoughts and feelings through grief. My thoughts are with you and I wish I could give you a hug.

ByrdieK · ‎06-05-2019

@rms1954

I also would encourage you to find a grief support group. I have been in one for over three years after the loss of my husband. I have found it immensely helpful to talk to others that are going thru the same struggle. We were part of a hospice grief group during the pandemic, and five of us meet monthly now for lunch and to talk.

If you have a local hospice you can contact them and they will help you find the right support even though your beloved son wasn't in hospice.

Blessings to you. Crying is actually good for your healing. It releases endorphins in your system and helps you heal. I'm a crier too and even after several years have a good, hard cry when my feelings get over whelming.

Pink123 · ‎07-10-2019

@Zaimee wrote:
@rms1954 This is NORMAL.

When my son passed I was still teaching. I was busy during the day and had a lot of support from colleagues and parents. But when home, I cried and cried. And yes, couldn't breathe. Weekends were terrible. Bed days as I stayed in bed.Husbands was a mess.

When Spring break came, I had a breakdown one day. Googled and found the number for the group. Spoke to someone who listened as I cried and told my story. Told me to come to meeting.Lived for those meetings. It wasn't "Miseryloves company" but just hearing and seeing other people survive.
During summer break, I tried to keep busy. Teachers friends scheduled weekly visits. It took a long time to do normal activities like going out with other people or allowing ourselves to have fun.

You are very early in your journey. Others will tell you to get on with your life. Again, people and family mean well but it doesn't work that way.

Just some advice from someone who understands.

@Zaimee I agree with you 100 percent. Family and friends mean well but it does not work that way unfortunately.

Whatever most say things that makes you feel worse. At least it did me.

I was 45, hubby 52, died of cancer with 23 marriage. Quite young still.

I was in such shock, I could not get out of the bed for seven days until the funeral. And even then I was almost robotic and not in my own body? My husband's company had to schedule the service and the gathering afterward as I was unable to do so myself. I did wire my stepdaughter a check to come here for it. Now she has also passed with cancer several year's ago at 43 with two young children.

I remember people saying hello to me after I had not seen them for quite a few years. I said "how come you did not come to the service for the funeral? They said "I was there do you not remember?". I had a totally sober blackout. I could not even deliver a speech at the pulpit and had my niece do it. I wrote it though in honor of him. In Catholicism the spouse stands and waits for each visitor to receive their condolences after the service in front of the pulpit.

It's so hard. Support group sounds good. I did not go. Instead my husband's company had me come to work for them to keep my mind occupied. This was a good thing until I got back on my feet. Give time time.

Back to my point. I have learned through my own experience that the best thing to say to another is plain and simple "I'm sorry for your loss. If there is anything I can do to help please let me know". That's it. None of this my grandmother died at 99. Everyone has a different story and experience Not good and it just makes the person feel worse.

God bless.