Among Friends

[hyacinth003]

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@Warrior2022 wrote:

Advice from someone who has been in a similar situation.  Just let it go and do what you need to do to get the estate closed.  The only winners are the attorneys when their is a fight.  You will need a tax id number to change the account to an estate account.  At least in my state.

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@Warrior2022 

Oh, I have been through an estate fight with my husband's family.  I totally agree that the ONLY winners are attorneys.  The co-executors spent $80,000 of estate funds on legal fees fighting each other.  I don't have any intention of a legal fight.  I am only looking to make sure they know how I feel about it.  It is not changing the way I handle the estate.  My Dad wanted things split in half, and I am doing everything to do things the exact right way.  I cannot account for anyone else's actions. 

Hyacinth

[lovesrecess]

I would want to know if your brother knew where the money came from for the corvette or did his wife forget to mention it? After my mother passed, I was surprised to learn she had written a check for the down payment for my older brother to buy a house....she lived on social security and a small pension only and DH and I helped her financially. The check must have wiped out her savings; I still don’t know where the money came from and was furious that my brother would even accept a check from her...I do know he never paid it back but have not ever told him that I know about it. Keeping peace in the family seems like my most attractive option at my age.

[Lilysmom]

@hyacinth003 , I am glad you had your say about the Corvette.  It has been on your mind so much it is good to get it out in the open.  Make no mistake, she knows where you are coming from now.

I am in the camp with leaving things as they are.  If you go any further, your brother will be in defence mode and will have to stand up for his wife.  He lives with her, not you.  He is not going to admit wrongdoing at this stage.  

At the end end of the day, the decision is yours.  Perhaps the relationship with your brother is beyond repair anyway.  If you have to bring it up to clear your mind, go for it.  Know, though, that it will change your relationship from now forward.  Sometimes that is the price you have to pay.

I am quietly glad you let SIL have it.  She knows deep down wheat she did was stealing and that she will have to live with.  

My best to you @hyacinth003 .  LM

[hyacinth003]

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@Lilysmom wrote:

@hyacinth003 , I am glad you had your say about the Corvette.  It has been on your mind so much it is good to get it out in the open.  Make no mistake, she knows where you are coming from now.

I am in the camp with leaving things as they are.  If you go any further, your brother will be in defence mode and will have to stand up for his wife.  He lives with her, not you.  He is not going to admit wrongdoing at this stage.  

At the end end of the day, the decision is yours.  Perhaps the relationship with your brother is beyond repair anyway.  If you have to bring it up to clear your mind, go for it.  Know, though, that it will change your relationship from now forward.  Sometimes that is the price you have to pay.

I am quietly glad you let SIL have it.  She knows deep down wheat she did was stealing and that she will have to live with.  

My best to you @hyacinth003 .  LM

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@Lilysmom 

Yes, I know that what I decide may even end my relationship with my brother.  I keep having this question in my mind.  Will he just wait until the estate is resolved and leave my life anyway?  I know I cannot change that type of decision.  He has to live with her, and I don't see her having the scruples to be supportive of him keeping a relationship.  I'd like to be wrong about that.  She told out and out lies during my conversation with her.  Like that she didn't ignore us - that we ignored her!  She denied things I am sure of. 

My dad could even fib toward the end of his life.  Either he couldn't remember certain things or he out and out lied.  I will never know.  But she claimed things I believe could have been fibs on his part.  He was never like that during his life, but dementia does strange things.  So she claimed statements I believe were her lies or even my dad's lies!  And there are certain things she claimed to have discussed with him that she had NO BUSINESS discussing.

I have no regrets about saying something about the Corvette.  I have no regrets about the other things I said either.  My only regret is forgetting to mention a couple of things!  It's past time SOMEONE took her on.

Thank you for being so nice!   It helps!

Hyacinth

[Lilysmom]

@hyacinth003 , compartmentalize her out of your relationship with your brother.  Have minimal interaction with her.  Maybe in that way you can salvage a relationship with your brother.  I have been through family estate issues.  It changes how you see people.  Use it to inform your relationship without ending it if you can.  Offer it up to your father.  Time is a great healer though and, years down the road, it will may will not be as important as it is now in the middle of fresh grief.  LM

[Drythe]

@hyacinth003 

This  kind of behavior, does stick in your mind.

There are words and behavior of my SIL that will always color my feelings toward her.

Sadly, as you say, they likely took advantage of your Dad, but they also took away somewhat from your Daughter’s future as your beneficiary.

So disappointing when people you care for behave badly.

[Hoovermom]

@hyacinth003 :  I hope you are in a quiet place without any drama.   You do need time to grieve the passing of your dad without any outside interference.  Take care of yourself.