Re: Finding out things

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

@Anonymous032819 wrote:
Sounds as if your sister-in-law took financial advantage of your father, and saw that he was vulnerable, and helped herself to his money.

I know you keep saying that she isn't interested in the money, just the power and control, but I'm sorry, all of her actions, especially this one point to the fact that she is money hungry.

As for your brother, I know that you love him, but he either needs to grow a ...... spine and stand up to his wife, or he is willingly going along with her because they are of like mind.

@Anonymous032819

I still think control is her major issue. You have to know her to understand it! She has to figure she will claim my dad authorized her expenditures. He's not here to contradict her.

I now know I have to re-think things with my brother. He knows what she is like. But he also has the good life with her. She basically handles everything and he mostly goes along. He is on disability and she works a lot. She has won a couple of lawsuits against her employers for big money. He spends a lot of time at the Florida condo on his own.

This may fracture our lifetime relationship permanently. It's so hard to think of a lifetime bond with someone since you were little children. His life was my life and vice versa.

Hyacinth

chiclets · ‎07-01-2012

@hyacinth003 wrote:
@chiclets wrote:
If anyone is a signer on a checking account they can take any money they want from the checking account, for whatever reason they want.
This is why when two individuals have a checking account together and the relationship goes bonkers the first one to the bank takes most of the money out of the account.

@chiclets

My attorney told me this. He said to leave it open for the time being to allow transactions already set up to go through.

He then said to close it, and open another one in the name of the estate with me as the executor and trustee. That would allow only me to have access. They haven't touched it since my father's passing. But I still have a few checks to look for.

Hyacinth

I am so glad you spoke with the attorney and so glad you are going to do this.

You can not undo anything but can go forward with honesty and love. There is a big responsibility on your shoulders and each day you are learning more. Your family is family and family is important. There is a good bond between you and your brother and never loose sight of that.

Bravo to you.

Blessings

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

@chiclets wrote:
You have to know all the accounts he had and if anyone was named as beneficiary.

Anyone who was a signer on a checking account had access to write checks from that account and whatever checks were written from that account prior to his death were legally written.

If he had a safety deposit box you need to find out who were signers for that box.

Everything is not clear cut.

Even though everything was left to your brother and you if only one of you was named as the beneficiary on an IRA, those funds are not part of the estate but belong only to the beneficiary. It is listed as an item of an estate.
Banking rules do differ state from state to state however all regulations are not clear cut.

Your father left a will, you are the executor and the lawyer who did the will is the one who can guide you thru this.

Who received your father's bank statements when he was alive.

You used the word accounts. If your dad had an account which he made someone a beneficiary of, like a grandchild, you would need to notify that person he was the beneficiary of that particular account.

@chiclets

He left everything to be divided equally between my brother and I. There are no other beneficiaries unless one of us were not alive. So I am doing the phone calls and required paperwork to release the funds, cancel existing bills, cancel SS and his pension, file insurance claims for monies he was owed, lots of phone calls and paperwork.

My brother will just get his half of the estate. I am considering charging an executor fee, which I had NOT intended to do before.

My dad has only been gone for 2 weeks, and I haven't had any time to grieve. It hits me and then I can't think about it with all this stuff going on.

Hyacinth

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

@pigletsmom wrote:
@Sage04 wrote:
@hyacinth003, I´m talking about when everything is settled. I would ask the lawyer about funds they received while your dad was alive.

My friend had the same problem with her sister. The sister had gotten large sums of money while the dad was alive. My friend was told by her lawyer to deduct what her sister received earlier, otherwise it would not be shared equally.

I think she´s upset because now you know what she was doing, Wonder if your brother knows? Maybe your dad gave her permission but it´s still a part of the estate.
Honestly I find this outrageous. Parents can give money unequally to their children all they want when they're alive. This shouldn't be part of estate stuff at all.

@pigletsmom

I absolutely agree with you. I have stated he was generous throughout his life. I have never asked or even thought about what he may have given to my brother. I am almost sure he bought their Florida condo. I saw a $100,000 check made out to them right out on his table. Never asked. One time she said to my daughter "must be nice for your grandpa to have helped you with your college loans." What? Who told her that? I have found checks written to her marked "her son's name."

What is bothering me is that he HAS NOT been in his right mind recently. He had a large increase in dementia over the last months. All his caregivers discussed it with me as well. So writing large checks during this time really bothers me. Not for myself, but for the concept of possibly TAKING ADVANTAGE of someone she told me "she loved like a father."

Hyacinth

Lilysmom · ‎03-09-2010

@hyacinth003 wrote:
@Lilysmom wrote:
@hyacinth003 , you should consult your attorney about how to proceed with this issue in the full knowledge that, if you take any action, it will probably mark the end of your relationship with your brother. LM
@Lilysmom

I doubt I would go the attorney route. It would be their word against someone who is deceased. All his caregivers would know he was very mentally compromised at the time. However, my husband's brothers spent $80,000 of their father's estate on lawyers to fight each other (the 2 co-executors). Then the judge rules the whole estate must pay for the legal fees. So all 4 of them lost $20,000, even the two that couldn't fight it.

I don't think my dad would like his estate spent on legal fees!

Hyacinth

@hyacinth003 , I assume you will meet with the attorney at some point in time. Although this may not be the entire purpose of the meeting, I would ask what the protocol is in a situation like this.

It is completely up to you to pursue it or not. I am betting this will come up again at some time. For myself, I would want to be informed what the process calls for in such a situation. At least find out what you are saying ‘no’ to. Information is power imo.

I think your SIL has decided a good defence is an offence. You haven't heard the last of this one methinks. All the best. LM

Anonymous032819 · ‎03-29-2019

@hyacinth003 wrote:
@pigletsmom wrote:
@Sage04 wrote:
@hyacinth003, I´m talking about when everything is settled. I would ask the lawyer about funds they received while your dad was alive.

My friend had the same problem with her sister. The sister had gotten large sums of money while the dad was alive. My friend was told by her lawyer to deduct what her sister received earlier, otherwise it would not be shared equally.

I think she´s upset because now you know what she was doing, Wonder if your brother knows? Maybe your dad gave her permission but it´s still a part of the estate.
Honestly I find this outrageous. Parents can give money unequally to their children all they want when they're alive. This shouldn't be part of estate stuff at all.
@pigletsmom

I absolutely agree with you. I have stated he was generous throughout his life. I have never asked or even thought about what he may have given to my brother. I am almost sure he bought their Florida condo. I saw a $100,000 check made out to them right out on his table. Never asked. One time she said to my daughter "must be nice for your grandpa to have helped you with your college loans." What? Who told her that? I have found checks written to her marked "her son's name."

What is bothering me is that he HAS NOT been in his right mind recently. He had a large increase in dementia over the last months. All his caregivers discussed it with me as well. So writing large checks during this time really bothers me. Not for myself, but for the concept of possibly TAKING ADVANTAGE of someone she told me "she loved like a father."

Hyacinth

@hyacinth003

I totally get it and totally understand 100%.

Even without an official diagnosis by a doctor, you, his daughter knew that he wasn't in his right mind.

I've been there to, sister.

I've been there, too.

And I didn't need some "doctor" to make some "official diagnosis" and tell me what I already knew, and could see in front of my very own eyes.

My dad's mental capacity was declining, and I had to make more and more decisions for him.

I just hope that some day, they can find a treatment, or dare I hope, even a cure for this G-d-awful disease that I hate oh, so much.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@hyacinth003

I would contact your lawyer immediately to let him know of these deductions, and to ask what the legal ramifications are. You should not make decisions without good legal information.

Close the access to that account by anyone other then yourself ASAP. As the executrix of your Father's will you are Responsible for Accounting for the funds, as well as making sure that they were spent appropriately. Who knows what else they might decide to purchase?

I can not tolerate Liars, or those who take advantage of Children, the Impaired, or Animals. I would find out if you can legally deduct the funds from your Brother's share of the estate. YOU DON"T have to do it, but you will know where you stand.

Finally, and Sadly at least you do not have to question your SIL's motives any longer. She has made them abundantly clear. As to your Brother's involvement, I guess you can decide he is totally oblivious (thinking Cars fall from the sky) or you can decide he knew what was going on.

In your place I would now take a tough stand. I do not envy you. Wishing you strength and peace.

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

@hyacinth003 You say that your Dad had helped you out at times....so call it even and just let it go. Why make it ugly between you and your Brother.... It is just money....

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

@Anonymous032819 you tried hard to make a valid point, but you are talking to someone whose nic is "crazy". Need I say more?

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

@hyacinth003 wrote:
@Allegheny wrote:
Honestly, I would now be so upset and frustrated with my brother and his wife's actions prior and since my father's death I do not know if I could adequately perform my role as executor without prejudice. I would have to secure the services of a probate or estate attorney for legal guidance.
As executor, I would want to be absolutely sure that every thing I did was correct. I do not know if the cost of such could be charged to the estate.

@Allegheny

I will absolutely administer the estate properly FOR MY FATHER. I am his firstborn and only daughter. I have already set in motion many of the issues. I will not spend his hard earned estate be eaten up by attorney fees like my husband's dad's was. Yes, I believe it could be charged to the estate, but I don't want to do that for him. My father-in-law was a hard working, non spending, kind of man. And two of his sons spent $80,000 in legal fees. One of them could have STOPPED IT at any time.

I would never do this to my parent's memory. I don't think there is anything I can legally do. The morality is ON THEM. I have had her number since day 1, but if my brother is complicit, it will hurt me terribly. She handles all the money. I understand fiduciary duty, and I will abide by it.

Hyacinth