Among Friends

[pattypeep]

............brother's widow's new husband last night. My brother died four years ago. My SIL remarried a couple of years ago and I was very happy for her, but I just couldn't bring myself to meet her new husband.  I've kept in touch with her over the years and she's tried and tried to get us together. I just kept telling her that I wasn't ready. Well, it's Christmas and we had them over for dinner last night. It went well and my dh and I both really like him. My dh actually said that he reminds him of my brother, which he does. I'm not sure what I was afraid of. I guess that it would have been another huge reminder that my dear brother is gone. I'm glad that that hurdle is over.  Merry Christmas.

[123SuzyQ123]

@pattypeep...I am sure that was a tough thing to do.  I am sentimental like that as well.  When my brother divorced my SIL that we all loved, it was so hard to see her out dating the next year.  I am still in touch with her a bit, and wish that things could have worked with her and my brother. 

I am glad you found the new guy to be a lot like your brother, I am sure that helped. 

Best wishes as you move forward.

[Mominohio]

I'm so glad you got to the point of being able to meet him, and I'm glad you liked him.

Sometimes we just aren't ready, and things fall into place when they are supposed to. 

I hope you will be able to continue some kind of relationship with them both now if that is what you wish to do. 

LIfe is too short to not spend time, regardless of how little it might be, with people we wish to have in our lives in some capacity. 

You were brave to make that step, and I hope you can continue to embrace them both and share time.

[embgm]

Twopeas, I completely understand your feelings.It is hard to see someone new with your sister in law. My sister passed away in her early forties and my brother in law was dating after a year which was fine with me. He was a young man and shouldn't be alone. However it was tough to see him with someone else.A few Years later

My brother in law married a lovely woman and are very happy together. His kids had a rough time accepting her but it took time and they can now appreciate her love for their dad. Our loved ones are part of their lives and they are never forgotten. Em

[Lilysmom]

@pattypeep, I know it's hard isn't it?  I'm so glad it went well.  Next time will be easier 💕.  LM

[pattypeep]

@Lilysmom@embgm@Mominohio@123SuzyQ123  Thank you so much for your replies and understanding. I'm sure we will continue a relationship. Having lost my parents and two younger brothers, maybe he can be a surrogate brother to me. It's lucky that my dh liked him (a lot) because he really liked my brother, too.

[chrystaltree]

It's good that you got over that hurdle and what wonderful woman your sil is for being patient and giving you the time to come to it on your own.  

[123SuzyQ123]

This topic brings up something totally different with me and I apologize for going off-topic for a bit.  But when there has been a death, like @pattypeep brother, I cannot see how the spouse can even think of finding someone new within the first 5 or 6 years!  If the person who died was your soulmate, you don't get over them, and you don't move on to someone else.  I might be one of the twenty people left who think this way!!  

I told my then-husband a few years ago that I would appreciate it if he waited 5 years before he started dating (if I pass before him), so that it would at least LOOK like he still carried me in his heart!   LOL

Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

[Lilysmom]

@pattypeep, I am the youngest girl in a family of ten children.  I have lost two brothers and a sister, one in their 50's and two in their 60's.  Only one in law remarried.  With him, my attitude was 'don't let the door hit you on the way out'.  Never liked him.  Not because of the remarriage either 🙄.

I'm glad there was a good connection.  LM

[Drythe]

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@123SuzyQ123 wrote:

This topic brings up something totally different with me and I apologize for going off-topic for a bit.  But when there has been a death, like @pattypeep brother, I cannot see how the spouse can even think of finding someone new within the first 5 or 6 years!  If the person who died was your soulmate, you don't get over them, and you don't move on to someone else.  I might be one of the twenty people left who think this way!!  

I told my then-husband a few years ago that I would appreciate it if he waited 5 years before he started dating (if I pass before him), so that it would at least LOOK like he still carried me in his heart!   LOL

Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

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@123SuzyQ123

Just another point of view - I would never want my wonderful DH to be alone that long.  I’d want him to enjoy his life!