Among Friends

[123SuzyQ123]

@Drythe, I totally get that my opinion on that topic is waaaaaay different from most people.  That was the reason I said only 20 of us still think that way!!  LOL    

That is wonderful that you want your DH to find someone else and be happy.  I only wish I could think that way! 

[Drythe]

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@123SuzyQ123 wrote:

@Drythe, I totally get that my opinion on that topic is waaaaaay different from most people.  That was the reason I said only 20 of us still think that way!!  LOL    

That is wonderful that you want your DH to find someone else and be happy.  I only wish I could think that way! 

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@123SuzyQ123

Well to be frank, I added, “but you must sell my jewelry”.  It bothers me to see the 2nd wife wearing the 1sts jewelry or driving around in her car.   

None of us perfect,

[123SuzyQ123]

@Drythe, that is funny about the jewelry!!

[TheMemphisVette]

my stepfather remarried a few years after my mother died.

i was so glad to see him happy and not alone.  the new wife could of had horns and i wouldn't have cared because she was good to him the rest of his life and i appreciate that.

mother was gone, this was not about her or their time together.   this was about him and the rest of the life he had.   i never saw her as a sub for my mother, but rather a companion for him.   perhaps that is why i never had a selfish thought about it.

[Mominohio]

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@123SuzyQ123 wrote:

This topic brings up something totally different with me and I apologize for going off-topic for a bit.  But when there has been a death, like @pattypeep brother, I cannot see how the spouse can even think of finding someone new within the first 5 or 6 years!  If the person who died was your soulmate, you don't get over them, and you don't move on to someone else.  I might be one of the twenty people left who think this way!!  

I told my then-husband a few years ago that I would appreciate it if he waited 5 years before he started dating (if I pass before him), so that it would at least LOOK like he still carried me in his heart!   LOL

Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

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Everyone is different.

My mother has been a widow since 1979 and never even considered another man. She did indeed find her one and only.

Most relationships though, are not like that. I don't believe that there is only one person for us in this world. The world is huge, and there are so many people in it. I know there are many people who I could love and who could love me. I never have believed in a one and only soul mate. 

Men in particular don't do well with being alone after loosing a spouse. I wouldn't take is as a bad thing should a man want to find someone new to spend his life with, after I'm gone. It just depends on how you look at it, but it can be because a spouse did so well caring for and loving the other, that the person surviving wants to have that love and relationship again. 

When someone doesn't find a new mate/love, it might be because they really didn't have a good experience with the last one and choose to not do it again.

[pattypeep]

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@123SuzyQ123 wrote:

This topic brings up something totally different with me and I apologize for going off-topic for a bit.  But when there has been a death, like @pattypeep brother, I cannot see how the spouse can even think of finding someone new within the first 5 or 6 years!  If the person who died was your soulmate, you don't get over them, and you don't move on to someone else.  I might be one of the twenty people left who think this way!!  

I told my then-husband a few years ago that I would appreciate it if he waited 5 years before he started dating (if I pass before him), so that it would at least LOOK like he still carried me in his heart!   LOL

Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

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@123SuzyQ123 I certainly understand your POV. Men, I've heard, have a hard time living alone and tend to marry rather quickly after a loss. As to my SIL, she cannot stand to be alone (without a man). I believe my brother was her fourth husband. From what I gather, she would get one lined up before leaving the last one. I know that sounds awful, but I don't hold it against her. She made my brother very happy in his last years and it partially made up for his 31 years with someone that didn't love him and treated him with no respect whatsoever, IMO.

[123SuzyQ123]

@pattypeep, that makes you even more special in accepting her and her new husband, what with what you revealed.  You are looking at it in the right way though, that if she gave your brother some happiness, that counts for a lot.  Blessings to you.

[pattypeep]

@123SuzyQ123  THANK YOU !

[Happiness Is Inside JOB]

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@Mominohio wrote:

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@123SuzyQ123 wrote:

This topic brings up something totally different with me and I apologize for going off-topic for a bit.  But when there has been a death, like @pattypeep brother, I cannot see how the spouse can even think of finding someone new within the first 5 or 6 years!  If the person who died was your soulmate, you don't get over them, and you don't move on to someone else.  I might be one of the twenty people left who think this way!!  

I told my then-husband a few years ago that I would appreciate it if he waited 5 years before he started dating (if I pass before him), so that it would at least LOOK like he still carried me in his heart!   LOL

Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

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Everyone is different.

My mother has been a widow since 1979 and never even considered another man. She did indeed find her one and only.

Most relationships though, are not like that. I don't believe that there is only one person for us in this world. The world is huge, and there are so many people in it. I know there are many people who I could love and who could love me. I never have believed in a one and only soul mate. 

Men in particular don't do well with being alone after loosing a spouse. I wouldn't take is as a bad thing should a man want to find someone new to spend his life with, after I'm gone. It just depends on how you look at it, but it can be because a spouse did so well caring for and loving the other, that the person surviving wants to have that love and relationship again. 

When someone doesn't find a new mate/love, it might be because they really didn't have a good experience with the last one and choose to not do it again.

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I agree with the comments above, many men can't wash clothes, cook, clean.  Well let me correct myself, Some and Many men  can't and don't want to learn how to take care of themselves .... Especially as they get older....So I have observed quite a few who get married quickly or at least start dating soon.  I have never ever ever seen a man Wait 5-6 years.    Many times people are dating privately so their family and friends might not  "think" they are not dating and they are!

It does not mean they did not live their first wife.  My husband is very dependent so I Expect he will be with someone quite soon after my passing.  I am just being honest!

[AuntG]

The fact that you liked him is wonderful. He probably was a little nervous too.