Among Friends

[Vivian]

My brother lives about half an hour from our 97 year old mother, who has 24/7 care with an aide who lives in. My brother is semi-retired, commuting three days a week. I live hundreds of miles away and am caring for my husband who has Alzheimer's.

The problem is that my mother calls my brother and sister in law all the time to take her to doctors' appointments or shopping trips. Sadly, they refuse her most of the time but I do understand that they don't want to be "on call" all the time. They do take her on her errands occasionally but since the aide doesn't drive, most of the time my mother pays a neighbor to drive.

My brother has offered to buy Mom a SmartPhone, install Uber, and have her deal with them. I told him that Mom's technological phobias will make that plan impossible. Today he ordered Uber from his own phone to take her to the doctor. That seems more realistic to me. I can order a car for her as well, if need be. Right now I have my hands full taking care of my husband but I'm open to new ideas and suggestions.

[Peaches McPhee]

Three suggestions: 

gogograndparent, allows your mom to use uber/lyft without a smart phone.

Brother creates a uber/lyft account for your mom and he calls and sets up rides for her.  Cost goes to her credit card.

Call your local Office for Aging (through your County) to see if there are any local County-provided transportation programs available

[kaydee50]

Just curious--what does the "aide" do?  How does she get to your mom??  I would think one of the duties would be to take your mom to appointments/shopping?  Can't he/she arrange for a ride?  

[ItsME]

I agree with @kaydee50 .   She should have an aide who drives.  Aides should be able to get her to her appointments, to the grocery store, and anywhere else she needs to go.  

[jackthebear]

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@ItsME wrote:

I agree with @kaydee50 .   She should have an aide who drives.  Aides should be able to get her to her appointments, to the grocery store, and anywhere else she needs to go.  

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@ItsME wrote:

I agree with @kaydee50 .   She should have an aide who drives.  Aides should be able to get her to her appointments, to the grocery store, and anywhere else she needs to go.  

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while the ability to call Uber etc is great,

getting an aide who drives is probably a better solution 

[Vivian]

My mother's aide does not drive, nor is her English very good. Mom refuses to look for someone else. The aide cooks, cleans, and cares for Mom at home. She goes to my mother's medical appointments and supermarket shopping but since she doesn't drive, and there's no car to drive anyway, the aide depends on others to do the driving. I sent my brother the link to gogograndparents and will talk to him about setting up an Uber account that we can use for Mom's rides.

[mimomof4]

In your mother's area is there a medical transportation service?  In my town I see serveral mini vans for medical transport and know people that did this for a job after retirement.  They pick up people take them to the Dr and drive them home from the appointment.  Your mother may have some coverage for this service through her insurance.

I would agree giving your mother a smart phone and scheduling a driver would be very difficult at her age.

[Havarti]

If your mother is happy and safe with the aide, and there are funds to pay for her - THAT is the hard part!  Setting up rides is the easy part.  If you and your brother ever find you can not set up a ride, teach the aid how to do it and have her set it up.  It sounds like this lucky lady is able to keep her independence and has someone she enjoys being with in her own home.  Here is hoping she makes it to 100!  

[Twins Mom]

One suggestion since helper‘s English not so good. Have doctors office write down suggestive instructions for you to read Justin case something needs attention. Also make sure you have authority to call and get info. Sounds like you are all trying best to do well by each family member. Best wishes

[geezerette]

Another thing I might think about would be to find out if the neighbor your mother is using now would consider chauffeuring your mother on a full-time basis.  Since your brother and family do take her occasionally and I wouldn't think she would need to go anywhere excessively, perhaps the neighbor would keep doing it for her.  She must feel comfortable with the neighbor and the extra money might be attractive for them.  And it would be easier for you, your brother or even your mother to schedule rides with the neighbor than a service.

Three cheers for your mom to be so independent at her age!  I hope I can make it just another few years, let alone to 97!👍💪