Elderly Man's Description Of Grief

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

I will say that I do own his description of grief as waves. I thought this was a very heartfelt description.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

He's absolutely right.

Annabellethecat66 · ‎03-12-2010

He's right about the grief. Usually when I talk about my husband dying in my arms, it's as if I detach myself and can talk about it with little emotion.

However, when I'm alone and in my thoughts I go back to that morning and relive every detail. Somehow it's important for me to remember every detail, yet is unbelievably painful.

It's a part of me, I know that. It was our final time together, when we were alone, just the two of us, as he went to Heaven.

But the grief never ends. You just (as they say) put one foot in front of the other. You smile and are happy but in the back of your mind, you remember every detail because ........

I've been lucky (or unlucky) depending on how you look at it to be present when my Mother took her last breath and my husband took his. That, will make you humble.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

I can really relate to what he said about the waves. For the first few months all I could do was hang on and try to breathe.It was so emotionally painful - words can't describe it. Then by the time 3 months had gone by I started to see that I had to begin to take some actions. By then I was able to function a little bit so I got a job. Working was the very best thing to ever happen to me. I sold the house I could not afford to keep , I found a place to live and moved. I actually started to care for my kids instead of them caring for me. Working and having something else to concentrate on was what brought the waves down to half the size for me. Losing custody of my step kids somewhat took me back to the beginning again, but I had no choice except to continue to function. Eventually time makes grief tolerable.The other things that demand your attention make things tolerable. Friends make things tolerable. However - my first husband died 38 years ago yet thinking of him still makes me a little bit sad.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

Most people really never get over a loved ones death and not all people grieve the same way. The old man's description of his feelings is valid for him, but not me. The one thing that rubs me the wrong way is when people give you advice after someones death and tell you how to feel.

MacDUFF · ‎05-29-2015

I always disagreed with the "time heals all wounds" saying. I don't think time "heals" wounds, but it does do...something...lessens the gaping hole or makes the wound tolerable or allows life to cover the wound so it's not as red hot. I like this man's description of grief coming in "waves," which I know to be true.

I especially loved this "...in between waves, there is life...." Yes, in between waves of lessening grief, there is life, joy, laughter, warmth, memories, love. Perhaps time just allows us to focus more on the things of life and less on the grief.

Some wounds never "heal," they just become part of you...the scar.

Thanks for posting @ECBG...beautiful words to live by.

~~~ I call dibs on the popcorn concession!! ~~~

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

@MacDUFF wrote:
I always disagreed with the "time heals all wounds" saying. I don't think time "heals" wounds, but it does do...something...lessens the gaping hole or makes the wound tolerable or allows life to cover the wound so it's not as red hot. I like this man's description of grief coming in "waves," which I know to be true.

I especially loved this "...in between waves, there is life...." Yes, in between waves of lessening grief, there is life, joy, laughter, warmth, memories, love. Perhaps time just allows us to focus more on the things of life and less on the grief.

Some wounds never "heal," they just become part of you...the scar.

Thanks for posting @ECBG...beautiful words to live by.

@MacDUFF,As far as my life, time has not healed. Some days are better, some aren't. Late January is the worst for me.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@ECBG wrote:
@MacDUFF wrote:
I always disagreed with the "time heals all wounds" saying. I don't think time "heals" wounds, but it does do...something...lessens the gaping hole or makes the wound tolerable or allows life to cover the wound so it's not as red hot. I like this man's description of grief coming in "waves," which I know to be true.

I especially loved this "...in between waves, there is life...." Yes, in between waves of lessening grief, there is life, joy, laughter, warmth, memories, love. Perhaps time just allows us to focus more on the things of life and less on the grief.

Some wounds never "heal," they just become part of you...the scar.

Thanks for posting @ECBG...beautiful words to live by.

@MacDUFF,As far as my life, time has not healed. Some days are better, some aren't. Late January is the worst for me.

I don't know how long it has been but a lot has to do with your attitude. You can be mourning the rest of your life, or you can begin to rejoin the world of the living.It's all up to you, and when you are ready. It is sad when a person allows grief to overcome all their happiness for years and years.I know an elderly woman whose DH died and for the next 8 years she did nothing but grieve and wish to die. She was healthy and perfectly mentally alert, but she just would not let herself heal from his loss.

sweetee2 · ‎06-21-2015

We'll, that brought on a wave. December is the hardest for me. That was very beautiful. This stage of our lives are hard for us. Our parents are gone. My hubby has no family left. I only have my brother, but because of what he did after dad died I don't talk to him anymore. It's hard getting use to this stage of life. Where did the time go.