Elderly Man's Description Of Grief - Page 2

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@blackhole99 wrote:
Most people really never get over a loved ones death and not all people grieve the same way. The old man's description of his feelings is valid for him, but not me. The one thing that rubs me the wrong way is when people give you advice after someones death and tell you how to feel.

I think when a person can't get past the death of a loved one in a reasonable time - a year or so say, and they stay in that state of deep painful mourning, they need to see a professional counselor. This is not good mental health.

roeroe1005 · ‎03-13-2010

indoor kitty,

I would like to "borrow" that definition from you.

My 38 year old cousin committed suicide 3 days before Christmas, and, needless to say, her sister is having a very difficult time dealing with the pain. I would like to share it with Anna.

thank you.

QVCkitty1 · ‎05-23-2015

@roeroe1005 wrote:
indoor kitty,
I would like to "borrow" that definition from you.

My 38 year old cousin committed suicide 3 days before Christmas, and, needless to say, her sister is having a very difficult time dealing with the pain. I would like to share it with Anna.

thank you.

I'm sorry for your loss.

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan

qvcaddition · ‎03-10-2010

It,s a good description. I lost my furry baby in 2002, and the pain was great, as those of us here who have pets know. Two weeks later and many tears, I found my husband dead in bed. The waves got even bigger. It took at least two years for the wAves to get just a little smaller.

I now have my best friend And she is a furry one. Just me and her, you can imagine the rest.

kimbobimbo · ‎04-28-2012

As a social worker and somebody who is grieving over the death of her husband, I can tell you that everybody's grief is unique and personal - there's no real timeline for grief. One year is nothing in the scheme of things and it is perfectly "normal" for lack of another word if somebody is still grieving after a year. It is not a sign of bad "mental health". The goal is to integrate the grief into your life so that you can function and move forward (not "on", but "forward.)

@151949 wrote:
@blackhole99 wrote:
Most people really never get over a loved ones death and not all people grieve the same way. The old man's description of his feelings is valid for him, but not me. The one thing that rubs me the wrong way is when people give you advice after someones death and tell you how to feel.
I think when a person can't get past the death of a loved one in a reasonable time - a year or so say, and they stay in that state of deep painful mourning, they need to see a professional counselor. This is not good mental health.

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

It's like the famous aphorism that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Those of us who have gone through the death of a beloved pet understand that. It prepares us for the loss of our friends, our parents, and more pets. It's never easy but the joy of love outweighs the pain of loss.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@kimbobimbo wrote:
As a social worker and somebody who is grieving over the death of her husband, I can tell you that everybody's grief is unique and personal - there's no real timeline for grief. One year is nothing in the scheme of things and it is perfectly "normal" for lack of another word if somebody is still grieving after a year. It is not a sign of bad "mental health". The goal is to integrate the grief into your life so that you can function and move forward (not "on", but "forward.)
@151949 wrote:
@blackhole99 wrote:
Most people really never get over a loved ones death and not all people grieve the same way. The old man's description of his feelings is valid for him, but not me. The one thing that rubs me the wrong way is when people give you advice after someones death and tell you how to feel.
I think when a person can't get past the death of a loved one in a reasonable time - a year or so say, and they stay in that state of deep painful mourning, they need to see a professional counselor. This is not good mental health.

Wouldn't you think it is not a sign of good mental health that a person wouldn't desire to get through the deep painful time of mourning ? Mourning is something we need to go through - then come out of - not a place to live forever. Certainly , if that is how you desire to live the remainder of your life - have at it. If I was finding I could not get myself through this stage I would find an appropriate doctor and ask for help.Why would anyone WANT to live in such emotional pain?It was the most brutal thing I've ever gone through.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@Vivian I certainly agree with this. I am so fortunate to have had the most wonderful parents, grandparents & Aunts & uncles and yes, it was painful to lose them. But my life was so enriched by having them in the first place.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@151949 wrote:
@kimbobimbo wrote:
As a social worker and somebody who is grieving over the death of her husband, I can tell you that everybody's grief is unique and personal - there's no real timeline for grief. One year is nothing in the scheme of things and it is perfectly "normal" for lack of another word if somebody is still grieving after a year. It is not a sign of bad "mental health". The goal is to integrate the grief into your life so that you can function and move forward (not "on", but "forward.)
@151949 wrote:
@blackhole99 wrote:
Most people really never get over a loved ones death and not all people grieve the same way. The old man's description of his feelings is valid for him, but not me. The one thing that rubs me the wrong way is when people give you advice after someones death and tell you how to feel.
I think when a person can't get past the death of a loved one in a reasonable time - a year or so say, and they stay in that state of deep painful mourning, they need to see a professional counselor. This is not good mental health.

Wouldn't you think it is not a sign of good mental health that a person wouldn't desire to get through the deep painful time of mourning ? Mourning is something we need to go through - then come out of - not a place to live forever. Certainly , if that is how you desire to live the remainder of your life - have at it. If I was finding I could not get myself through this stage I would find an appropriate doctor and ask for help.Why would anyone WANT to live in such emotional pain?It was the most brutal thing I've ever gone through.

I am going to take a wild guess, and say that for some people, they might be afraid that if they start to heal, that that might mean that they didn't love the person enough, or that they might forget them, or that they are prooving just how much they loved the person by staying in that place.

I dunno.

As I said, it's just a guess.

game-on · ‎03-22-2010

Sometimes people have a difficult time grieving losses because they are not just grieving the loss that has happened, but they are still grieving other losses from their past.

Caregivers often have a difficult time.... they have to deal with not only the loss of the person they have been taking care of, but also they have to deal with their own health issues. Many have not dealt with themselves when caring for others.... so when the person has passed they are often exhausted. This can be both mental and physical.