Divorce Advice

Allthingsgirly67 · ‎03-09-2010

I am currently married and in the past twenty years I was never a priority to my husband. After 7 years of marriage I got an engagement ring but the stone was a cubic zirconia. Also the past 16 years his mother has been living with us and she is very ignorant and is a massive hoarder. She is self centered and ego centric although she does cook and clean as that is all she can do. She has never helped with the bills(she is 73). I was responsible for my husband getting a college degree it was me who got us a co-op and then a house. When I met him, he and his mother lived in two rooms in a house in a bad neighborhood. 6 months after moving into the house he asked for a divorce and stopped being intimate with me. After 4 years I mustered up the courage to ask why? His response was that I “don’t cook or clean” but what is the point if she cleans and occasionally cleans. He claims I use “his money “. I used to be the main breadwinner and then he became the breadwinner. He bought himself a fairly new car while I am driving a 13 year old car. He also went with our two children on vacation but didn’t bring me because “I don’t deserve it “. He became emotionally, verbally, financially and then physical. He choked me the first time and then smothered me the second. Called cops was arrested and got out on a technicality. No I don’t have faith in the justice system. He thinks we will sell the house when my daughter graduates in two years but I hate staying in my room all the time and it’s a very fractured relationship with all of us. I want to file for divorce after the holidays but should I do it now? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry this is long but this is the abbreviated version.

QVCkitty1 · ‎05-23-2015

Why wait ?

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan

Mindy D · ‎05-23-2010

@Allthingsgirly67 @Speak with an attorney now. You don't have to stay with that attorney, but you need advice ASAP. It's a consultation. You need help now. Don't tell your husband anything about speaking with an attorney. You need to find out how you can best leave ASAP for your own safety. Make an appointment. You'll be told how to handle things so you are safe and have things work to your advantage.

SilleeMee · ‎05-22-2016

If it was me I would take my case to a divorce counselor. Most people on this forum are not that.

Snowpuppy · ‎03-09-2010

Can you support yourself? Do you have skills to re-enter the workforce? Are you retired or on disability? Is it enough to live on? Do you have a nest egg to care for your own needs?

Some jurisdictions you can wait months before a court date for even a temporary support hearing. Are his wages easily garnished?

Find some support or counseling for yourself. A local community college may offer Womens Reentry program services at little to no cost.

Going on vacation with an abuser is never a good idea.

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

OP, we can't advise you as you are the one dealing with the situation, not us. I feel for you.

Me personally? I would have been gone years and years and years ago.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

NicksmomESQ · ‎08-19-2014

Your story saddens me. Why would you stay with a man who has never treated you with the love & respect you deserve?

I would leave as soon as possible. There are places you can go for help. You have taken enough abuse. I'm afraid for your life & well being.

You are stronger than you think.

Travone · ‎10-14-2016

I would do all I can to get out of that situation now. If he is physically abusive you may not be around for the holidays.

lgfan · ‎10-19-2012

Is there a family member or friend that you can stay with if you were to leave your husband? Before you leave him make sure that you have a place to go or the funds to support yourself. Even though he is abusive it is more dangerous to be homeless or jumping from one place to the next without a secure place to live.