Among Friends

[chrystaltree]

I suppose if people aren't on social media like Facebook; they should give a trusted friend or family member a list of people who should be notified in the event of their deaths.  I remember my mom had an address book with old friends contact information.  We never had that conversation but we all knew that those were the people to notify when they passed away.  

[mimomof4]

This reminds me of something that happened to us recently.  My husband spoke with a family member who lives near his hunting cabin.  The family member (2nd Uncle) asked my husband if he knew about a couple relatives who had passed away in the past year that lived near the hunting cabin.  Hubby told his mom because she often wrote to those family members and she had not been informed.  She was very upset that no one called her.  Of course she lived 4 hours away from where the funeral would have been and she could not make that drive herself.  MIL does not use a computer so no Facebook or email to communicate.

[RedTop]

This has happened to me with elderly friends and distant cousins, no less than 6x in the last few years.   None of them lived here, and I did not know their families.   Each time, I googled their name and saw obituaries.   

[Zhills]

You are fortunate.  I have, had a friend who was single and she passed away in 2018 and I cannot find anything online.  I thought all deaths were published somewhere, but I can't find anything!

[Kachina624]

@Zhills.  No, all deaths are not published.  Neither of my parents wanted anything published.  I had two close friends who were co-workers who died.  Both came from ignorant,  self-centered families who didn't want to bother writing or paying for an. obituary so there was none.   Both people were well-known and many people missed knowing they died.

[Zhills]

There was a time when funeral homes put out Death Notices, not Obituaries, they are paid for!

I can't find either.  I found an obit for a cousin who was "on the streets" for years.  Can't find anything for my friend though!

[lynnie61]

I just received a returned Christmas card today. Mailed December 1  written on the front was deceased, return to sender.  I looked  cannot find an obit.  She was a single retired coworker, and I didn’t expect to be notified, but I am surprised not to find anything, and I guess it’s sad if she had little family left.  She retired about 20 years ago, and we really only had contact with birthday and Christmas cards.  Sad.

[Havarti]

I have chosen not to have anything published when I die - no service, no donations, no flowers, no obit.  I just want to slip away as quietly as I arrived.  Anyone who has been current and connected in my life will know for those very reasons.  Likely no one who was an occasional contact will find anything about me when I am gone.  It is not about money, it is just about my preferences.  Everybody gets to call their own shots on certain things in life & death.

[firestorm]

Obituaries are in papers if the family wants one and makes the effort. Not always reliable way to find out is someone is deceased.

[Marp]

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@Zhills wrote:

You are fortunate.  I have, had a friend who was single and she passed away in 2018 and I cannot find anything online.  I thought all deaths were published somewhere, but I can't find anything!

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@Zhills,  if you know in which state your friend passed you can check that state's vital records.  You may only be able to learn where and when she passed through.  States have different rules about access to official death certificates but the recording of a death is usually considered public record.