Among Friends

[GingerPeach]

---

@occasionalrain wrote:

@GingerPeach Thank you, that was so nice of you.

It's not just mothers, it's friends, and, more importantly, your child. Most don't want advice unless they ask what they should do. Most just want to share and feel you understand and are on their side.

---

I find it interesting, @occasionalrain, that almost all the articles I've read on this exact subject are directed at men, who are supposed to be too dense to understand how to support their "womenfolk."  And the articles generally go on to say that, "Oh, women, they know how to support others already."

I know that isn't true for many of us women.  We need to have the kind of feedback you suggested modeled for us, too.  I know I've been "guilty" of giving advice or sharing my own experiences when all someone else really wants is to be heard.   I'm a work in progress.  

[Calcgirl]

I agree with you. Unfortunately, my sister is like that, she is never satisfied regardless how hard anyone tries to please her. She is a bitter, jealous and critical person. I love her, but find it difficult to be around her.

[Calcgirl]

Sorry, I tried to edit my previous post, but was unable to do so. 

I also think that writing on here fails to show the tone in which we are stating an opinion and may be taken as offensive, when it was merely an opinion not intended to insult anyone.

I incorrectly posted on another thread that I thought many of the D & C items ( tops) looked frumpy, what I should have stated and meant was they would look frumpy  on ME.  The reason is I am 5 ft 4 in with short legs and I have a problem purchasing tops that are too boxy and long because they look horrible on me.  They may look really cute on other people with a different build.   I sure wish I was tall and leggy so I could wear anything. LOL

I hope you ladies have a great day.

[qualitygal]

---

@ccassaday wrote:

My mom has to watch herself. She complains a lot  but never wants to solve the issue. She will complain I will be like do this and she gets mad. For instance she has a hard time sleeping with the dog in the bed. She complains all the time. I go well go get a crate and see if she will sleep in it. She won’t sleep on her dog beds. She goes she never been in a crate I am not starting now. So then she keeps complaining. 

I Love my mom but sometimes it’s hard to be around.  

As as far as posters on here I don’t get the negativity. It’s ridiculous.

---

@ccassaday, you know on this type of personality, I've come to see that this is the way they  have learned to communicate.  They don't want it resolved, they just want to get how they see it, out.

[Regal Bee]

---

@Mominohio wrote:

I haven't read all the replies, but will offer up my take on things.

Positive and negative are in the eye of the beholder. 

Some people think themselves to be positive, when in fact, they simply don't live in reality, and any point of view expressed that is real world, they deem to be negative (not saying you fit that descriptions @Regal Bee!). They refuse to acknowledge that the world is anything but rainbows and unicorns. If someone is just being realistic, they see it as negative.

Then you have people who are not only negative, but mean as well. Virtually everything they post comes across as hateful. It is frustrating and I find myself wanting to lash back. 

What I have learned after years on these boards, is that we don't really know people here. We might think we do. We might think they have shared so much, we really do know them. Then they post something about their life or their past that simply hits me in the gut like a strong punch. They are coming from a very hard, bad, painful, or different place than I have ever been or can imagine. 

IT is then that I try to at least acknowledge that maybe walking a mile in their shoes would enlighten me as to just why and how they come across as they do. 

It doesn't make it any more pleasant to deal with them, it doesn't always stop me from refuting their comments, but I think twice about just how I do it, and I remember that they and others are seeing me through their eyes and their experiences, and I may not seem very nice or positive to them as well. 

---

@Mominohio  Thank you for saying I don't fit that description.  Although I will admit to being a Pollyanna, at times. 

I was raised in an extremely bitter and negative household and even as a young girl I could see what it was doing to my parents and two of my siblings. I made up my mind, right then and there, I wasn't living like that and I haven't.....by God's grace.

I do have my moments....just ask my husband but I try and watch my mouth always...the words we speak to each other can never be taken back.

I suppose, in the long run, it isn't the negativity that bothers me so much as the way things are expressed. For the life of me, I cannot understand the meanness that is so much a part of this board.............but, there is also SO much good and so many wonderful and kind posters and on that note..............I will concentrate my efforts.

[hckynut]

@Regal Bee,

My life, I try to make as devoid of pessimists as possible. Too many feel like they are victims by things perpetrated by others, when in fact much of it is the result of bad decisions that they made for themselves.

Not sure you meant negative comments in general, or those directed at me. Being an ice hockey referee for over 30 years is a true test of how a person is able to handle negative comments directed at them. Those that let them bother them, usually have a very short career as a Ref. A Ref generally, is never thought of as making the right calls, by either team's supporters, thus mostly negative comments.

Really don't care how others view life unless they are people directly associated with my everyday life, or some regular part of it. Optimism has always been my friend, especially when recovering from life threatening illnesses. To me, those that look at life pessimistically, are not really getting much happiness out of living it.

hckynut(john)

[hckynut]

---

@fingerlakesny wrote:

It's all women on here.  What do you expect??!!

---

Ahem!!

hckynut(john)

[AnikaBrodie]

Three words come to mind:  LOW SELF ESTEEM.  I often wonder if the people posting negative comments are just blowing off steam on an "anonymous" forum, or do they have a negative attitude in real life too. 

While I would prefer positive comments in every post I sometimes read negative comments.  You just can't miss them.  Rather than responding to them I just move on and put a period on the post.