Among Friends

[YorkieonmyPillow]

@mintedrose  I feel your pain - I've lived what you are going through.

  Trust me, you will NEVER get what you want or need from her.

  Never.

  And please - DON'T fight with your DH on her account.

  You don't really need her; you just think you do.

  The only person you need to be concerned about is your DH (and yourself, of course).

  Don't waste your time any further, it will only lead to unhappiness, frustration, and conflict with your DH.

  Don't "cast your pearls before swine," it's not worth it.

[StraytoStay]

I haven't read all replies yet, but I'd re-gift worn out anything given to me a few years later right back to her! Sounds like a pre used gift anyway which is sort of rude. On the contact paper, that is a bad gift. I'd probably do a similar gift to her like a gift bags set. Sure, it's something useful, but nothing she would keep for herself to enjoy. 

I had a MIL that collected lighthouses, one year she regifted me one. My husband was trying to get me to call her and thank her. I said Heck no to that! He saw my point. She acted up about me not being thankful the next time he saw her,( I didn't go.) He said that I knew it was a regift because it was her big collection that she didn't want to add it in to, and I don't collect lighthouses. She got it. Also, I've seen others ditch her used gifts in her couch, too!

[BeccaLou]

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@mintedrosewrote:

on what to do when someone gives you bad gifts? My mother in law for example, tends to give not very nice gifts. I hate to even say it because I am very thankful that she even thinks of me to gift anything but lately, its been bugging me. I dont expect it to be expensive or anything fancy, I prefer not to have anything instead of something thats weird. They are doing fine financially so I know its not that. We always get her nice flower arrangements and a nicely done baskets for birthdays or mothers day. When we go for vacation, i always get her something nice as well. I always thought she had very good style and taste but with the gifts shes given me in the past, im not so sure why she would do that. It feels as though she gives me things that someone gave her and she didnt like herself. ;( For my birthday a couple of years ago, she gave me worn out table mats and napkins that she knows are not my style. Now, i know that she wouldnt even use that in her own house while serving. My sister in law on the other hand gave me contact paper for Christmas. I feel awful about it. Im sorry if this offends anyone. Im perhaps hard to please but if it was me, I would not give those things as gifts. Im venting because it really bugs me and makes me wonder if people think twice before gifting someone. What advice would you give? 

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Maybe they are getting demencia, just saying. It can happen at any age.

[NYC Susan]

I think you'll be a lot happier (and it will be better for your marriage) if you just accept the fact that these are the kind of gifts you're going to get.  Don't expect anything to change.  It is what it is.

Because this is your husband's family, I wouldn't do anything other than say, "Thank you".  Reciprocating with cheap/inappropriate gifts, refusing to say thank you, and leaving the gifts in her home are all passive-aggressive tactics that will do nothing other than increase the negativity in your own mind and occupy your thoughts more than is necessary. 

Don't provide fodder for gossip or reason for her to say anything negative about you.  And if by some chance she's not being deliberately unkind, no harm will be done.  Just say, "thank you", toss or donate when you get home, and go on with your life.  

[mintedrose]

@StraytoStay after reading the replies, Im seriously thinking about re-gifting the items she gave me and telling her I dont have a use for them. On the sister in law gift, I dont gift her anything. We dont like each other much. We do however are forced to make it to their kids birthdays (by mother in law) where we usually will give them a nice card with some money. 

[occasionalrain]

Have you considered that, while you think you give nice gifts, she may not. Are you sure she likes receiving flowers and gift baskets? Perhaps she thinks it's impersonal or has allergies, is on a restricted diet, hates scented lotions...

As an example, many think those fruit bouquet arrangements make wonderful gifts. I'm sure there are those who would be pleased to receive one but I'm not one of them. The same goes for those Mrs. Prindibles sp? Apple things, I don't want any.

[KitTkat]

I can relate to some extent. I try really hard to give good gifts, so when i get a kleenex box holder, or a guady necklace that I'd never wear, or a strange I don't know what it is thing, yeah, it can be irritating. I just say thanks and either donate it or toss it. I received a book last year for Christmas that was supposed to be inspiring photos with messages, but either the person didn't really look at it, or just bought it because it had a cute cover photo, but the deeper I flipped through the book the more crude the pics and messages became. It landed in the garbage about an hour after I opened it.

[libbyannE]

Say nothing. Do nothing. Anything you do or say would reflect badly on you. They are gifts, so simply say thank you and move on. We all receive (and, no doubt, give without knowing it) inappropriate things. Why waste time trying to ascribe motives to the giver? 

[mintedrose]

@KitTkat Lol, i also got a napkin holder thing as well as a tea cozy from a 100 yrs ago in a playboy bag. LOL. I couldnt stop laughing cause i didnt know what that was all about. I know it sounds snobbish but that kind of stuff is thrown away usually or is given away to donation. If I dont say anything then I feel like i betray myself because it will happen again and I havent relayed my message. If I do say anything then Im being ungrateful and a snob. Its a tough thing to tolerate. 

[KitTkat]

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@mintedrosewrote:

@KitTkat Lol, i also got a napkin holder thing as well as a tea cozy from a 100 yrs ago in a playboy bag. LOL. I couldnt stop laughing cause i didnt know what that was all about. I know it sounds snobbish but that kind of stuff is thrown away usually or is given away to donation. If I dont say anything then I feel like i betray myself because it will happen again and I havent relayed my message. If I do say anything then Im being ungrateful and a snob. Its a tough thing to tolerate. 

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I guess we have to learn how to say, "you really shouldn't have" with perfection.😉

But it is good to have a laugh out of some of these things. Sometimes I wonder, what were you thinking? But, as long as there is a gift with my name on it, even if it's crummy, I suppose it's better than getting singled out with nothing at all. My grandma (mom's mom) is getting very forgetful, and she forgot my dad this last Christmas and didn't give him a gift. Even though he didn't say so, I knew it bothered him. Different scenario, I know, but, still, it's important to be remembered.