Re: Broken Hearted

seaBreeze · ‎02-04-2014

calcgirl wrote:
I don't want to push them away and really want them to love me because they do not out of guilt. so what do I tell him?

@Calcgirl

"Your sensitivity toward my heart condition concerns me, I know it is a common procedure, but I still worry--I was hoping for a little more reassurance from you, that's all."

(Try this!)

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

Reply in the same tone as his message to you. Tell him all went well, he'll have wait a bit longer for his inheritance.

It's a mistake to assume what's in another's mind or their motovation. I dislike anything medical: doctors, hospitals, medical procedures and talk of them. That does not mean I don't care. Sometimes those not there care more than those who are.

Qshopper1991 · ‎08-15-2014

@Calcgirl

I am so very sorry to hear that

Honestly, you should say something to him (not in front of his wife). I think that is c r a p p y of him. I never did that to my parents - ever.

Once you are back on your feet, I would make it a priority to talk to him - face to face if you can. Tell him exactly how you feel. He needs a wake up call, for sure.

A speedy recover to you! (((((((HUGS)))))))!!!

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

"Son, I find i just can't rid myself of this feeling so I need to discuss with you how this made me feel."

"I know you did not mean to hurt me but it greatly did. So I'd like to clear the air and put this behind us."

I was raised that more direct you are the more clear something will be. No misunderstanding. Don't beat around the bush then get hurt when he doesn't understand it. Straight to the point! One of my Mom's famous sayings - A clean cut heals much better than a ragged one. And after you tell him how you feel - allow him to tell you how he feels, and LISTEN while he does.

My stepkids always know exactly where they stand with me. And they say they much prefer that . Their real Mother is a beat around the bush and never get to the point kind of person so they are always left shaking their head wondering what she was trying to say. they tell me they hate when she does this.

laduchessa · ‎09-14-2015

I agree about loving our children unconditionally and that we would like their love returned to us freely in the same way and not out of guilt.

Since it seems like you are in communication with them, I would call him and thank him and his wife for their words of encouragement as you underwent your procedure. Then tell him that you love them, and miss them.Acknowledge that you know how busy they are but that you would like to spend some more time together with them. Ask if it's possible to give you some dates, convenient to them, to get together with you. You could offer a simple meal in your home, or go out for lunch or just coffee. Hopefully that will work out for all of you and you may see them more often. I wish you all the best.

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@Calcgirl, I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

What does your daughter think? If you haven't told her, or shown her the text, I would, and tell her it hurt you. Get some feedback. And just maybe she'll have a chat with your son - or in some way, some good will come from your telling her. If it doesn't - I know it doesn't come naturally to you, but try responding in kind and being dismissive when he is in a vulnerable position.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

@Calcgirl wrote:
I was at the hospital awaiting to have a heart Ablation surgery and my son who lives 10 miles away wrote the following text, " Have fun with your procedure, having lunch with Nathan ( his son). He never came to the hospital. My daughter was there and I am a widow. He and I were always close until he married his second wife. I get along with her and do not interfer. Seldom invited to come over, they live a upper class lifestyle and I am a retired teacher. I never say anything to him about how much he hurts me with his general indifference, but it breaks my heart and I wish my heart would stop.

@Calcgirl

Been there with one of mine. My heart goes out to you.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

alicedee · ‎07-25-2010

@Calcgirl. I am thinking your son may have felt that since your daughter was with you there was no need for him to be there too? Did you require an overnight stay in the hospital or go home the same day? He may have thought it was more of a routine thing that wasn't serious enough to warrant the family gathering at the hospital?

If it were me, I would look on the fact that he sent you a text wishing you well as a good thing. Everyone has there own ways of being in relationship with family...if he did not meet your expectation of what he "should" have done in this situation, you have to decide if was serious enough to risk damaging the relationship by confronting him with it...or simply accept where he is at right now, be glad you got the text, and continue to be open to him.

I'm sorry you are hurting so much over it. Been through my own version of your story....but I've learned you can't control other people. Let them know you love them, and really, that is all you can do. Most times things will get better. I wish you well.

Azcowgirl · ‎04-10-2012

Your story breaks my heart. I too struggle with how relationship with a son that was once so close, is so distant now.

So many wise words in response to your post here, helpful I think for all of us in this situation.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

He's a man. Guys, most guys, don't have that nuturing gene. In our family, my sister and I were the ones who went to doctor's visits with our parents, monitored their medications, checked up on them, waited in waiting rooms while they had their surgeries, drove them home and got them settled, made meals. My brothers never did any of that and they would downplay the seriousness of things. That might be what's going on with your son. Women are free to feel the fear and worry but guys won't let themselves do that. My brother's loved my parents as much as we did but they were just never "there for them". However, my family actually spoke to each other. My parents might have been a little hurt if my bothers weren't as involved as they wanted. So they, especially my mom, would be the one to reach out to them after she or my dad was feeling better or recovered from an operation. It was her way of saying "you weren't there for me" but it's okay.