Among Friends

[Calcgirl]

I was at the hospital awaiting to have a heart Ablation surgery and my son who lives 10 miles away wrote the following text, " Have fun with your procedure, having lunch with Nathan ( his son).  He never came to the hospital.  My daughter was there and I am a widow.   He and I were always close until he married his second wife.  I get along with her and do not interfer.  Seldom invited to come over, they live a upper class lifestyle and I am a retired teacher.  I never say anything to him about how much he hurts me with his general indifference, but it breaks my heart and I wish my heart would stop.

[blankette]

Oh sweet heart, I am sending you a cyber hug. I know this exact pain personally and it is very very difficult to deal with. My son, and we are historically very close does this to me as well. He is in relationship now with a woman that he seems to be crazy about, yet there has been a subtle and ever noticeable kicking to the curb and meaness to me. I just do not understand it. It may be he has trouble having a strong close relationship with two women, it may be the influence of the woman in his life, I simply do not know. I do know it hurts. We are always last in line and we have done everything and more for him. My remedy is to take it for awhile, then I disturb his comfort level by returning the tone, and guess who is immediately upset. I just pray about it, thats all I can do. I put it before God above, and I know it is His will for parents to be honored. So take comfort in knowing you have the Lord himself on your side.And me too!

[Calcgirl]

Oh sweet heart, I am sending you a cyber hug. I know this exact pain personally and it is very very difficult to deal with. My son, and we are historically very close does this to me as well. He is in relationship now with a woman that he seems to be crazy about, yet there has been a subtle and ever noticeable kicking to the curb and meaness to me. I just do not understand it. It may be he has trouble having a strong close relationship with two women, it may be the influence of the woman in his life, I simply do not know. I do know it hurts. We are always last in line and we have done everything and more for him. My remedy is to take it for awhile, then I disturb his comfort level by returning the tone, and guess who is immediately upset. I just pray about it, thats all I can do. I put it before God above, and I know it is His will for parents to be honored. So take comfort in knowing you have the Lord himself on your side.And me too!

Thank you for your kind words.  So many times I wish I could tell him how his indifference hurts me, but I have never been able to do so.  I love him too much to hurt this feelings.  I wonder if this intelligent, successful man and a father himself knows he breaks my heart.  Maybe he just doesn't love me.

[Calcgirl]

Oh sweet heart, I am sending you a cyber hug. I know this exact pain personally and it is very very difficult to deal with. My son, and we are historically very close does this to me as well. He is in relationship now with a woman that he seems to be crazy about, yet there has been a subtle and ever noticeable kicking to the curb and meaness to me. I just do not understand it. It may be he has trouble having a strong close relationship with two women, it may be the influence of the woman in his life, I simply do not know. I do know it hurts. We are always last in line and we have done everything and more for him. My remedy is to take it for awhile, then I disturb his comfort level by returning the tone, and guess who is immediately upset. I just pray about it, thats all I can do. I put it before God above, and I know it is His will for parents to be honored. So take comfort in knowing you have the Lord himself on your side.And me too!

Thank you for your kind words.  So many times I wish I could tell him how his indifference hurts me, but I have never been able to do so.  I love him too much to hurt this feelings.  I wonder if this intelligent, successful man and a father himself knows he breaks my heart.  Maybe he just doesn't love me.

[qualitygal]

@Calcgirl, some sons get this, some don't. As more time passes, I hope it gets better. If all else he does is good, accept and let this go, and you'll feel better. The less expectations we have of others, I think the less stress we put ourselves. JMHO

[meallen616]

calcgirl,

Sending you ,

[KingstonsMom]

[freakygirl]

calcgirl, i hope your surgery was successful and i hope your recovery will be quick and go smoothly. 

i'm sorry though about your son. if you don't interfere and you get along with his second wife, i can't imagine why he's treating you that way. i say tell him. tell him exactly how his behavior hurts you. tell him everything you feel. don't spare his feelings. he sure doesn't spare yours. get all your hurt off your chest and then release him. by that i mean don't allow his indifference to negatively impact your life. you need to take care of your health. continue to be civil and hopefully one day he'll realize the error of his ways. 

my thoughts are with you. 

[RetRN]

@Calcgirl, sadly what you are experiencing is not that uncommom. I'm so sorry you are being treated this way by your son, but you are not alone. Stay strong and take care of yourself. Enjoy the friendship and companionship of others, you can not change your son. Someday he may realize the poor choices he has made.

[Goldengate8361]

I am so sorry to hear this. You sound like you have a great daughter. More importantly, I hope you are ok and doing well now! I think that sometimes people are thoughtless and they don't even realize it. I hope you can find a way to somehow not dwell on it, but I know that's hard to do. Take care of yourself. I'm sending prayers and good vibes to you!

[Ibby114]

Sons are different than daughters, no matter how close we once were. He was thinking of you, he sent a text. It may not be what you were hoping for - but from that it  seems there's an opportunity to have a conversation.