Among Friends

[GAQShopr53]

Years ago when I stopped working I did not realize I was bored and had too much time on my hands so I started shopping. I got caught up in the thrill of shopping and the lure was the "as is", lunchtime, primetime, and clearance specials. Before you know it you have bags of items and did not realize you already purchased some items. I finally donated/gave away and started gifting items as presents vs purchasing something new.  

You may have to take the plunge and delete your stored credit card information on sites that you frequent...especially QVC. I would suggest going through recent items and returning them if possible to get your money back. I would turn off the channel and find something else to do when you feel the urge to shop. If this doesn't work you may have to get help. 

[SuperShopper]

This is a problem that soooooo many of us have.  The sad thing is that if it continues unchecked, it can drive you into poverty as you get older.  

Admitting that there is a problem is the first step.  Then remembering that you have a problem is important also as you move forward.  

In my humble opinion, you don't need a therapist, you need something like Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University.  A therapist will cost you wads of money and may take months to address your issues.  You can get stuck in the paralysis of analysis trying to figure out WHY, which may drive you to making a purchase to make yourself feel better.

My suggestion is for you to cancel your online shopping accounts.  Or at least delete the payment options to make it harder to make new purchases.  

As another person suggested, return everything you can.  Go through your closets and cupboards and sell everything that is unneeded.  Pay off any outstanding easy pays if you can that might keep you from closing your accounts.  

Go through your online shopping bills and figure out how much you are spending on clothes, shoes, or whatever it is that tempts you.  You may be shocked into realizing just how much money you have wasted.  Shipping charges & return charges add up very fast.  

Stop watching.  Stop checking the website.  

These merchants make it so easy & it becomes a form of addiction.  "You want it, you need it, you deserve it ...."  

"Feel free to get as many as you want."  "It's selling out, it won't be reordered ....."

If you like having the TV on for company, noise, etc, find another type of programming ..... home decor, travel, cooking ....  I have started watching golf.  The courses are in beautiful locations, often by the ocean, with beautiful plants or dramatic scenery.  

Watch the hoarder shows on TV and see how many of them have mountains of unopened boxes from online merchants.  

It can be a form of aversion therapy for you to see how others have ruined their lives with stuff.  

I know a woman who has hoarding tendencies that is now in horrible health and has no money left to live on.  Over the last several years, she has spent many thousands of dollars buying stuff she does not need from shopping channels and online merchants.  It is pitiful.

My mother who is 92 and is experiencing cognitive dysfunction (probably dementia) won't quit buying stuff.  Thankfully she has not run out of money yet, but she can't/won't give it up, despite the best efforts of her family caregivers.  

I am preaching to myself.  Your question has given me the incentive to change my evil ways too LOL!!!

Remember that song Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover?

"Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan,
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me,
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much,
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free."

Many of us need to "make a new plan, Stan" & get ourselves free.  

I am not a Marie Kondo devotee, but her method may be helpful:

There are six basic rules to get started:

1. Commit yourself to tidying up.
2. Imagine your ideal lifestyle.
3. Finish discarding first. Before getting rid of items, sincerely thank each item for serving its purpose.
4. Tidy by category, not location.
5. Follow the right order.
6. Ask yourself it it sparks joy.

Unnecessary shopping clearly does not spark joy.  

Find ways to reward yourself for making progress that don't involve more shopping/spending, eating or alcohol LOL!!!

Keep a journal or document your progress in a way that is meaningful to you.

Set concrete financial goals and make it a project to meet them.

Acknowledge that you can spend a dollar only once.

Identify other things that are priorities for your money, like saving for a car or other big ticket item, putting away money for retirement or health care, furniture, travel, etc.  

Set a rule for yourself that for every item that comes in, another item must go out.   

Blessings to you!  Keep us posted on your progress.  

I hope others post additional suggestions or encouragement on how to shake the shopping habit.  

[Snowhite714]

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@mintedrose wrote:

That very much sounds like an addiction which is just like gambling. Addictions of such sort can become very serious if not taken seriously in time. I know that certain additions cost people their homes and lives so its not to be taken lightly. One good thing here is that you are aware of your problem so now you need to start working on it. I would advice you to stop watching Q so much. I know last year when i was constantly watching, i thought i 'needed' everything. Its very much of a trap that consumers get themselves into.

So lets take baby steps...

1) Acknowledge theres a problem.

2) Ask yourself, what is it really you're trying to fulfill within your life? Sometimes shopping becomes a therapy for something else we're struggling with in our lives.

2) When the urge comes to watch Q, distract yourself to do something else.

3) If you insist you need to watch and cannot control that, then watch but promise yourself you wont buy. 

4) Seek professional counseling and get support  

Good luck! 

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@mintedrose Thank you.

[Snowhite714]

@SuperShopper   Thank you so very much for the time and thought taken to respond.  You of course have touched on many good points, many of which do apply to my situation. It's like you know me.  And I certainly hope that one day, very soon, I can say "I am debt free from unnecessary shopping!!!"  Thank you for the guidance and for caring.

[cotton4me]

You’ve received some good advice.  What works for me is avoiding the temptation in the first place.  For example, avoiding shops where I know I'll be tempted, throwing away catalogs as soon as I receive them, not watching shopping channels, etc.  If I don’t see it or know about it, I won’t be tempted.  Out of sight, out of mind. 

I hope you find what works for you.   

[CalminHeart]

I'm a shopaholic too.  It takes a lot of willpower and guts to admit it and to want to do something about it.  I laugh that I can get a high buying toilet paper.  

I got some counseling -- EMDR - and it changed my life.  EMDR is a somewhat new method which uses both sides of your brain and gives you real tools to use when anxiety (temptation) arises.   It can be tough but it also works if you put your whole self into it.  It's 1000 times better than talk therapy.  I still shop on occasion but I'm a far cry better than I used to be.  Just be sure whomever you go to is EMDR trained/certified.

[Big Joanie]

Try watching " Hoarders" .. that might cure you .... also the limited

income on S.S. is a cure also ....at that point there is only so much

money to go around ....

And yes .. listening to Dave Ramsey would be good also ....

[Krimpette]

I find that I rarely watch the shopping channels these days.  I never had an "addiction", rather I just decided I didn't enjoy the shopping channels like I once did.  My only exception is Craft days on HSN. 

Maybe you can deactivate your credit cards on the shopping channels.  Makes it much more difficult to shop if you have to get up and get your credit card and type in the number.  

But best of all....just don't watch the shopping channels.  Get immersed in some other programs if you need the TV on in the background.  

Good luck!!!!

[Imaoldhippie]

@Snowhite714 ................this is not a problem for us to answer.  You need to make an appointment with a counselor, you have an addiction problem.  Good luck.

[PamfromCT]

You have taken the important first step.  You have admitted your problem.  And bravely here in writing.  And you have gotten such good advice here from forum friends.

Many share your problem.  Temptation abounds is everywhere.  Yes, stop watching selling channels.  Throw catalogs away.  Stop internet shopping.

Because you live alone and work from home, perhaps it might help to get out of the house more and be with people.  You may consider taking an evening class, go to a gym, join a club you might enjoy, do some volunteer work, etc.  And going for counseling might also help.  You do have a common problem!

Americans are known for being champion buyers!

You might consider going to your local library.  Spend some time there.  Pick out a book you find exciting, and check out some magazines or DVDs you can watch.  You will come home with some things that you have spent nothing on.

This is not just a problem with women.  My DH has an antique car and belongs to a car club.  A few people have barns filled with old cars - say 20 or more.  Yes, it’s their money.  But what ordinary person can put the time, money, and trouble of maintaining all those cars, plus the building.

Just me here.

Best of luck to you.  I admire your honesty and bravery.