Re: Advice please - delicate situation. - Page 5

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

I think you would be the best judge of how she might take it. Is there someone in her family you could ask?

drizzellla · ‎03-14-2010

I looked it up, since I didn't know anything about Trisomy 18. And I just read an article about a boy with Trisomy 18, he will be 21 on his birthday in September. He lives in St. Petersburg, Florida.

I also read 90% of the children die within the first year. But more kids are surviving longer.

I have no idea what the right answer is but I can't help but think that little baby wrapped in your blanket would bring a smile to everyone's face.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

Just my thought, but at 8 mos. I think I'd give the blanket now. The parents won't want this baby forgotten, no matter how long he/she is able to make it. If I received it, I'd cherish it.

Sadiesadie · ‎08-05-2011

@house_cat: How sad. When is she due or has baby been born already?

Of all things, the baby of a friend was diagnosed with the same. Diagnosed before she was born. Little one arrived Dec 24th.

i was just over there on Saturday and this baby is beautiful, cooing and laughing. She’s quite the snuggler.

Getting tested and still not sure of her future. Some test results better than expected and others unchanged.

If the baby has not arrived yet you can hold on to the blanket. Give her the blanket when baby arrives no matter what the future holds.

Parents will appreciate baby being treated normally and no different from big sis.

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

@house_catI didn't read all of the posts, please excuse me.

I'd go ahead and give it to her. I'd tell her you made it for HER to hold on to and share later if she wishes.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@LUVNLIFE wrote:
Myself, I would wait. Most babies with a third chromosome 18, don't make it to birth or pass away shortly after.
It is probably a stressful situation and emotions run high. I would do something to treat or pamper her. Maybe a Thinking of You card with a gift card to a lunch place close by.

I agree. She very well may be trying to come to terms with all of this, and the blanket could easily make her feel worse.

I have a close friend who lost a baby very late in her pregnancy. She was pretty stoic, but she completely broke down when a gift arrived from someone who didn't know the situation. A beautiful gift intended for a baby that would never be.

As someone else said, in my culture we also do not give gifts to babies until they are actually born. I had a miscarriage in between the births of my children, and it would have been far worse if things intended for the new baby had been in my house. My friends acknowledged the loss of the baby with flowers, cards, and shoulders to cry on. Baby gifts were not something I would have wanted at all.

So I agree that taking care of her in some way is the best way to go. Be a friend, be there to listen, take her to lunch, bring her flowers. This prognosis is an unusual situation, and I would tread very carefully as far as doing anything for the baby at this point. Of course, afterwards, the baby should be acknowledged. I'm not suggesting that an ill child or the loss of a child should be ignored. But I would approach that one step at a time.

Depending on the type of person she is and how close you are, you also could just ask her if she'd like to have it.

on the bay · ‎03-09-2010

@Mominohio-

That is so beautiful what you said and I think it most closely shows what is so meaningful to couples who have lost babies.

I know close friends and family who have lost their baby and they all never wanted to forget their child. They think of them as always part of their family and so appreciate having them acknowledged-their short life and death or not being able to be born at all.

Each of them acknowledges every year the day their baby went to heaven.

I'd say with your love and caring @house_cat, your blanket will be loved, knowing it was made especially for this baby, no matter how long their life on earth will be.

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

Yes, give her the blanket. Your heart is in the right place and I think she'll appreciate your kindness.

house_cat · ‎03-09-2010

Thank you all so much for your heartfelt responses. My condolences to all of you who have endured similar situations and tragedies.

I work with her sister and I saw her yesterday and asked what she thought about it. She said that they were treating this pregnancy like any other and were celebrating every step of the way. She said she was certain her sister would love to have the blanket. I'm bringing it with me to work today and sister will deliver it, since it may be some time before the opportunity is right for me to visit.

Coincidently, another coworker was told the very same thing about her pregnancy and the baby was born 100% healthy - she's now a thriving, nine year old gymnast. I don't understand how this can be, considering all the diagnostic tools available today, but evidently mistakes do happen. I'm praying that this is one of them, but if not, they are a wonderful close-knit family and I know they'll find their way through it.

Again, thank you all for your thoughtful replies.

~ house cat ~

drizzellla · ‎03-14-2010

@house_cat wrote:
Thank you all so much for your heartfelt responses. My condolences to all of you who have endured similar situations and tragedies.

I work with her sister and I saw her yesterday and asked what she thought about it. She said that they were treating this pregnancy like any other and were celebrating every step of the way. She said she was certain her sister would love to have the blanket. I'm bringing it with me to work today and sister will deliver it, since it may be some time before the opportunity is right for me to visit.

Coincidently, another coworker was told the very same thing about her pregnancy and the baby was born 100% healthy - she's now a thriving, nine year old gymnast. I don't understand how this can be, considering all the diagnostic tools available today, but evidently mistakes do happen. I'm praying that this is one of them, but if not, they are a wonderful close-knit family and I know they'll find their way through it.

Again, thank you all for your thoughtful replies.

I am so glad you had the talk yesterday.And you are giving the blanket. Thanks for the update.

When I was pregnant, I was pretty far along. And a young lady who recently got married became pregnant. She then was told by her Doctor after tests that the baby had spina bifida. She was considered high risk and would have to find another Doctor. He said he did not handle high risk pregnancies. Understandably she was upset. I felt bad. We all walked on egg shells, trying to help her in any way we could.

I left and had my son. And heard later she had a healthy baby boy. I often thought of what she went through.