Among Friends

[house_cat]

My former coworker is expecting her second child in May.  It's another girl.  I crocheted a blanket for her first daughter, and she loved it.  I made one for this little girl and just found out that she's been diagnosed with a chromosomal disorder called Trisomy 18. They are remaining positive, but the prognosis is not good.  I'd like to go ahead and give her the blanket now, but I'm wondering if this is in poor taste. 

Any thoughts?

[Imaoldhippie]

I dont know what that diagnosis is, is it terminal, will she have a natural birth or will they induce labor sooner?  I can not even give a hint of advise at this time.  God bless the family.

[DREAMON]

Ugh....I honestly think I would wait...I am not sure what you mean by the prognosis is not good. I don't know if she will carry full term. 

[Lipstickdiva]

I wasn't sure what that was so I just looked it up on WebMD.  It stated that most babies don't make it past the second or third trimester of the pregnancy. 

I'd probably not give the blanket but I'm not even sure why.  I don't necessarily think it's in poor taste though. 

My thoughts and prayers go out to your co-worker.  I'm anxiously awaiting the birth of a second baby to a relative who is like my brother and the thought of this just makes me cry. 

Maybe someone who has been in a similar situation will have better advice.      

[queendiva]

While I have not been in your co-workers situation, I think that by giving her the blanket you acknowledge the mom and her baby, regardless of how painfully short the baby's life will be. If I were you, I would give the blanket as soon as possible.

[Mom2Dogs]

@house_cat..years ago my oldest sister had a baby (first grandbaby in the family).  At that time I was doing a lot of sewing and was very excited to be an aunt.

The baby was born premature, only 1 month but 40 years ago there was not a lot of hope for him to survive....and sadly he did not.

I gave my sister the gift and he was buried in it.......I would give the gift to your co worker.

edited to clarify, the baby was born at 8 months...1 month early.  His lungs had not fully developed.

[MsCatLuver]

In my religious culture the custom is/was not to have a baby shower or give a gift until AFTER the baby was born.,,,exactly for this type of sad situation,  My friend's baby died in vitro about 2 months into her pregnancy.  She had a room full of baby gifts from friends and family -- albeit very thoughtful also heartbreaking.  I would definitley hold off on giving your beautiful gift

[IMW]

Heartbreaking situation. Many times people who lose babies very very early feel their grief is not acknowledged and that makes it worse. 

I would give her the blanket with a loving note.

This way at least she’d know how very much you thought of her and the baby. I’d also put a little gift for the first child.

Really is impossible to know what to do.........

[SahmIam]

@house_cat  You didn't say when you presented the mother with blanket for the first child. I would follow the same protocol now as you did with her first.

[Mominohio]

I think you know this person better than we do, and you might have some insight as to just how sentimental she is, and maybe how she is taking this news. 

If it were me, and I knew her well enough, I'd give her the blanket. Regardless of the prognosis, she has a daughter on the way, and I feel recognizing that fact, that she is a beautiful baby, wanted and loved, regardless of how long she may or may not be on this earth, might really mean something to your friend. 

She can choose to keep the blanket, perhaps use it for burial, should that happen, keep it as a reminder of her daughter or give it away to someone later. 

But supporting the fact that she has a daughter right here and now might be different than all the clinical terms, and sad outlook that is part of their every conversation at this time.

She might be grateful that someone recognizes that this tiny child is now and forever a part of their family, regardless of the length of her life.