Re: Advice/no judgment

Imaoldhippie · ‎06-10-2015

@Mom2Dogs ...............Never means never. Your situtation is very sad.

LIFE IS TO SHORT TOO FOLD FITTED SHEETS

ThinkingOutLoud · ‎05-01-2020

@Imaoldhippie wrote:
@Mom2Dogs ...............Never means never. Your situtation is very sad.

Not necessarily. People say things out of haste/in the heat of the moment. They change, they grow, they see things differently with time, they learn from mistakes, they regret, they wish things were different. They need another chance.

FranandZoe · ‎03-09-2010

None of them wanted anything to do with you for years. Don't be a fool. Forget it.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Mom2Dogs Wow, how do you decide this? Not sure what I'd do. When the obit says this and I don't feel comfortable sending money, I make a contribution to a charity in the person's name. They will usually send an acknowlegement to the family of the donation. Gone, but not forgotten.

Still Raining · ‎03-30-2014

I am sorry that your family is causing disquiet. This path was set many years ago and has just played out. Unless the remaining individuals reach out to you, just let it be.

Unless you need to make your own amends.

Melzie · ‎08-01-2010

Personally, I would let sleeping dogs lie. None of these people seemed to care about you or your feelings for 10 years so why acknowledge someone who is no longer here and never tried to make amends. You could be opening yourself up to more pain if they reject your good intentions. Grieve privately and if you feel that you want to do something then make a donation to a charity in her name that you know will not be rejected.

wagirl · ‎03-09-2010

@Mom2Dogs --I say if you feel the need to send cash, do it!! I am pretty sure it won't be returned.

I went thru a similar thing with my mother. It was 20 years that I had no contact with her--at her request. She died about 10 years ago now----she was a miserable person--mentally and physically. She did and said horrible things regarding me and my 2 brothers--no physical abuse but lots of verbal and mental abuse. She ended up disowning me and my next younger brother but the youngest one was the one that took care of her in her final years. So the very little she had, went to him. As it should have--what a job he had. BUT----I do forgive her just will never forget. And I too, helped her out unbeknowst to her via my youngest brother.

Bravo to your husband for letting you decide. My stupid ex would have told me to let her rot!! Another reason he is Mr EX!!!

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

Good morning to all that replied/read my post.

I read everything, cried, read it again. I had not shed a tear until I read thru the posts.

I will try to answer the few questions that were posted.

My sister contacted my brother, which was a bit of a surprise because she barely speaks to him and he let me know what was going on.

The suriving children are all adults and there was one grandchild.

I have no way of knowing if her service/cemation was entirely paid for..in our area the local funeral home allows people that do not have the money to make payments and IF I decided to send money I would have called the funeral home first.

I have no doubt my sister relishes the fact that I am on the 'outside'...I also have no doubt, but no proof that she was also in on the issue that broke up the friendship I had with my sister....we had always been very close as I mentioned in the original post. But out of the blue literally I got a letter in the mail stating to never call or contact her again along with the accusation which was heaped on me. Not even a call to talk about it so I could defend myself..just poof, gone! I did call one time after the letter, but got no response.

If my sister wanted to make amends or felt guilty about what she did she could have contacted me..same phone number, same house address and email for years.

My niece has my email we went back and forth after the break up and then she suddenly stopped communicating and her email no longer existed, I have no idea what happened, but my email is the same so if she wanted to she could get ahold of me.

I have decided to do nothing, the urge to send a card and money has now left me..literally, the feeling is gone. The decision comes from reading the posts...I would have been sick even my card was returned....so I am going to let things be.

I do not hold ill will to her (deceased sister), just sadness in what had happened and that I could be so easily dismissed...how do people do that? I moved on years ago.

I want to thank each and everyone for taking the time to post back to me, a complete stranger. Even tho you are not called out by name or 'hearted' your kidness and advice means a lot.