Among Friends

[Janey2]

I agree with @RedTop . Great idea if this will help you sleep at night. Sounds like you are leaning that way if you are even questioning sending something. If the money from you is not accepted I would make a donation in her name. Seems like you always did your part in her life. She CHOSE  to have nothing to do with you. 

[We rescue cats]

@Mom2Dogs do what brings you peace, that is the most important thing at this time. If you feel a need to do so, send payment to the funeral home, I would not give it to the family.

I am so sorry for your loss, I hope and pray that you are at peace.

[Kachina624]

The death expenses are over and done with.  Cremation is very inexpensive.  No service so what would money be used for? It sounds like just a gift to survivors,  which you don't owe.

No, I would not send money.  A card is nice.

[Goodie2shoes]

My sincere condolence for your loss. No matter what happened between the 2 of you that was still your sister. Do what you feel is best and what will ease your mind, no judgement here. If you decide to send money and they send it back just know that you did what you feel was the right thing. God Bless !

[Mimi NY]

I would not send any money to the family ,it seems that the cremation has occurred but would consider sending a contribution to something that has known your sister ,like a hospital or hospice or if she belonged to a church,senior center or organization that  was related to what she was suffering with.Knowing personally  these almost always notify the family of your contribution.

If you want you can always send each  niece or nephew a sympathy card with a few kind words along with one to your brother in law .

Think that might give you piece of mind that you have acknowledged their loss.

[Estellee]

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@Mom2Dogs wrote:

I would have to send the money directly to my sister's husband and yes both my sister and her husband made it clear to never contact them.

Regardless of the money question, I will send a sympathy card.

@Mom2Dogs Seems like they made their wishes clear. If it were me, I would send a sympathy card, period.

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[drizzellla]

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@manny2 wrote:

Given the history you described, I wouldn’t send money. They cut off contact, set a firm boundary, and you’ve already done more than your share over the years. You can honor your sister privately without reopening old wounds or stepping back into a dynamic that hurt you. @Mom2Dogs 

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I have to agree with Manny. Your sister was the one to "cut you off". It was her doing. And she did not change her behavior over the years. You were there for her when she needed you while she was alive. And she seemed to have issues with you. She is no longer alive, so let things rest. Mourn her in your own way. But I think donations aren't necessary. Her family hasn't seemed to want to maintain a relationship with you during the time you were "cut off".

[qualitygal]

Do what you feel would be right.  Family goes on, as does life.  Do what won't give you regrets down the road. Listen to your heart and head.  You know best for you.

[LavernLuvsShoes]

Sending you much love and sincere condolences. 

Follow your heart, my dear friend. 

[pdlinda]

@DREAMON   I absolutely agree with you.  I would not send a "mixed message" by contacting her family because you mentioned the husband also advised you not to contact them again so I assume he conveyed that thought to her children.