Advice/no judgment

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

My sister passed away, earlier this week, we have not seen each other or spoken for 10 years or so. She broke off communication when she accused me of something I did not do...we live several states away from each other.

The sister she was close with (at her death) was probably the catalyst in our friendship breaking up. Before my sister and I had our falling out we were close and she was not close at all with the other sister....go figure.

I was always the sister they both came to..money, help with child care, you name it and did my best to step up to the plate, then the accusation came out of the blue and the relationship ended, and the tight bind with the two sisters was formed.

My sister (still alive) has very limited contact with her other 3 children...one daughter has no relationship her so I know it's not just me.

I guess I added the above to set the stage for the question...there was no service and I am pretty certain part of the reason was finances. Sister's obit mentioned contribusions to the family. I am leaning toward sending money..even tho I was told to never contact them again. My husband feels differently although he is onboard with what ever I decide to do.

He saw me at my lowest when this sister cut me off for no reason..I did not do what she said I did and before the split happened we were close.. I spent time with her every time she had a baby...she had a serious illness and I stayed a week with her caring for the house and kids. I was crushed at the time, but have moved on.

I am not asking for judgment, just a different eye on the situation as it pertains to a monetary donation.

Thanks

rockygems123 · ‎06-04-2012

@Mom2Dogs

You sound like your instinct is to send a contribution to the surviving family. They may not have been part of the break up process you and your sister had and if you want them to have something send it.

Janey2 · ‎06-07-2010

@Mom2Dogs If you send money who gets it and why?

just bee · ‎03-10-2010

Families are complicated. If you feel a contribution would help, then by all means do what you feel is right and appropriate.

It can't hurt.

~My philosophy: Dogs are God's most perfect creatures. Angels, here on Earth, who teach us to be better human beings.~

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

I would have to send the money directly to my sister's husband and yes both my sister and her husband made it clear to never contact them.

Regardless of the money question, I will send a sympathy card.

The money would be used for funeral expenses, there was no service, she was cremated but everything costs money and I am only guessing that they had no life insurance..but not sure.

Lainie · ‎12-14-2010

I agree with the other posts...Do what You feel is appropiate ...and what your heart tells you..so sorry for your Loss...and the diffciult years leading up to now..Life is short..

skatting44 · ‎07-26-2019

Does your sister have surviving young children under the age of 18 ? Was your sister the only parent providing an income for the care of her children ?

If so, I'd give money made out to them , if not then I'd think a little longer as to why they are asking for money .

beach-mom · ‎03-09-2010

@Mom2Dogs - I am so sorry for your loss. No matter what happened, she was your sister and there was a time when you were close. I know you must be hurting, maybe more than you expected.

I would send something to help her children with the funeral expenses.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@Mom2Dogs I am so sorry for your loss.

If you can send the money anonymously, absolutely do it.

However, if what you are really afraid if is that they may rip up the check and send it back to you, and that's a bit more than you can handle right now.... completely understandable.

I might look to honor your sister another way on your own with something you and she did enjoy together before the split. Or even donating to a charity in her name. She'll know you did it and love you for it no matter what's happened before.

Big hugs!

elated · ‎06-09-2010

I can understand your dilemma because I have the same. I really don't miss the fractured relationship for many reasons. If you want to send a sympathy card that would be enough. Sometimes we stress over family situations that we have no control over. You did what you thought what was best at the time but it has passed. You have lived your life without her and because she has passed it doesn't change. Wishing you the best.