A family compound - Page 4

ZoetheCat · ‎11-30-2014

This is exactly how I live. Twenty-five years ago, my parents gave my husband and I a piece of land behind their house (the house where I grew up), and we built our home. A few years after that, they gave my sister and her husband a piece of land across from me and they built their house. Each property (including my parents) sits on two acres.

It has worked out well for all of us. Of course, it sometimes feels a bit close for comfort, but that is rare. Although I visit with mom pretty much every day (dad passed away 12 years ago), my sister and I might go weeks without being in each other’s house. We see each other all the time and converse every day, but everyone is busy and we all have our own lives.

For us, the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks. My husband and I do not have children, but we have been very fortunate to be really involved in the lives of our twin nephews. When my sister gave birth to them, her husband had a job which required a lot of international travel. My parents and my husband and I were right there to help as much as we could. When the kids were small, they would run around in all three yards, a playground of six acres, more or less. We had a golf cart back in those days, which we would use to shuttle between the houses. One of my favorite memories is seeing my dad drive the boys around. They loved it. When they were young teenagers, before they got a drivers license, we would help take them where they needed to go if their parents had work commitments. It is hard to believe that those boys will be 20 next month.

It has also been great for my sister and I to be right here to help with my mom, who is 90. She has often said that if we weren’t all living so close by, she doubts she would have been able to stay in her house.

There have been a few issues over the years, and it’s probably not for everyone, but on balance I would say it has definitely worked for us.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

@Tigriss,

Your grandmother sounds a lot like my maternal grandmother, which is why my parents did not build on her property. My grandmother didn’t like that my mom chose to live here rather than there, but she still managed to control my mom, and keep her nose in our business until she died.

Again, my dad got along very well with his parents; I never once heard them exchange harsh words. My grandparents always knew they could count on my parents to be there for them. It was a very different story between my aunts and uncles who argued constantly with each other, and with my grandparents. My grandmother would speak her mind, then go in the bedroom and shut the door, which prompted my grandpa to do something to end it, which usually meant he told everyone to get out and go home! I never heard my dad argue with his siblings, and they knew to never bring their disagreements with the others into my parents house.

The biggest argument ever was after my grandpa died. My uncles never spoke to my aunts again, nor did they return to the farm. One brother died a few years after grandpa, and he did visit with my dad shortly before his death; took his last look at the farm at that time, but took his grudge with his sisters to the grave, as did my other uncle. My dad stayed completely out that feud.

Based on what my dad saw between his siblings, he divided the land he was given, between me and my brothers before his death. Mom continues to live in the house, but it belongs to the oldest of my brothers, who lives on property his wife inherited. Mom’s estate is basically her money, and her personal possessions, none of which would ever make me argue with my brothers.