WOULD YOU WANT TO KNOW IF YOU WERE ADOPTED? - Page 5

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

On 6/4/2014 wookie said:
On 6/4/2014 occasional rain said:
On 6/4/2014 sidsmom said:
Being adopted is looking at life half-empty or half-full. Half-full would be....my parents CHOSE me...they wanted me so much, they went to allllll this trouble of adoption just to pick me. I don't understand all the "woe is me".

But that's not really true. Adoptive parents don't choose the child, the child is chosen for them unless they adopt an older child who was in foster care.

People who adopt newborns, the ads are in every newspaper and online, do so as a second choice when they are unable to conceive. So for these adoptive parents to tell the child he was chosen is a lie the child will know was a lie when he is old enough to reason.

Do you have any personal experience with this issue. How dare you insinuate an adopted child is a parent's second choice. I believe my life played out exactly the way it was supposed to play out. And i am GLAD i was unable to have children because if I had, I wouldn't have my son. A birth parent doesn't know what child they will get either. They give birth to A CHILD, and love it immediately, and with all their heart. It is exactly the same for an adoptive parent.

I didn't insinuate anything, I came right out and said it. Most people adopt babies because they are unable to conceive. People adopt older children because they love children.

So adoption was a decision you made because you were unable to have children. How is that not a second choice?

No where did I post that adopted children weren't loved.

Surfnturf · ‎03-09-2010

On 6/4/2014 occasional rain said:
On 6/4/2014 wookie said:
On 6/4/2014 occasional rain said:
On 6/4/2014 sidsmom said:
Being adopted is looking at life half-empty or half-full. Half-full would be....my parents CHOSE me...they wanted me so much, they went to allllll this trouble of adoption just to pick me. I don't understand all the "woe is me".

But that's not really true. Adoptive parents don't choose the child, the child is chosen for them unless they adopt an older child who was in foster care.

People who adopt newborns, the ads are in every newspaper and online, do so as a second choice when they are unable to conceive. So for these adoptive parents to tell the child he was chosen is a lie the child will know was a lie when he is old enough to reason.

Do you have any personal experience with this issue. How dare you insinuate an adopted child is a parent's second choice. I believe my life played out exactly the way it was supposed to play out. And i am GLAD i was unable to have children because if I had, I wouldn't have my son. A birth parent doesn't know what child they will get either. They give birth to A CHILD, and love it immediately, and with all their heart. It is exactly the same for an adoptive parent.

I didn't insinuate anything, I came right out and said it. Most people adopt babies because they are unable to conceive. People adopt older children because they love children.

So adoption was a decision you made because you were unable to have children. How is that not a second choice?

No where did I post that adopted children weren't loved.

No, it isn't a second choice for many who adopt. It's meant to be. When I found out I had cancer, I told my husband I felt it happened because we were SUPPOSED to adopt our children. Life was playing out for us the way God intended.The only one who doesn't have a choice is the adoptee. They have NO choice. That decision is made for them when they are relinquished.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

On 6/4/2014 ShowMe said:
On 6/4/2014 occasional rain said:
On 6/4/2014 sidsmom said:
Being adopted is looking at life half-empty or half-full. Half-full would be....my parents CHOSE me...they wanted me so much, they went to allllll this trouble of adoption just to pick me. I don't understand all the "woe is me".

But that's not really true. Adoptive parents don't choose the child, the child is chosen for them unless they adopt an older child who was in foster care.

People who adopt newborns, the ads are in every newspaper and online, do so as a second choice when they are unable to conceive. So for these adoptive parents to tell the child he was chosen is a lie the child will know was a lie when he is old enough to reason.

OccasionalRain.......the adoptive parents usually don't have the choice of what baby they want, but the choice is theirs to make to become adoptive parents......and that is a choice, so in my book, any adopted child has been a chosen child to be placed in that particular home. No, it's really not a lie to tell the child he/she was chosen.

Well then would natural parents tell their child he was chosen? No they wouldn't because to be chosen means deciding between two or more.

There are exceptions, adoption parties are held to allow foster children who are available to be adopted and potential adoptive parents to meet. An adoption may follow after the child and potential parent get to know one another over time. In that case the child is chosen as are his adoptive parents.

JuJu Squeezie · ‎08-16-2013

I think I would need to be told, I would sense adoption. Hey, was I adopted? ${#emotions_dlg.confused1}$ Is that why you keep calling me your pending child?

Surfnturf · ‎03-09-2010

On 6/4/2014 occasional rain said:
On 6/4/2014 ShowMe said:
On 6/4/2014 occasional rain said:
On 6/4/2014 sidsmom said:
Being adopted is looking at life half-empty or half-full. Half-full would be....my parents CHOSE me...they wanted me so much, they went to allllll this trouble of adoption just to pick me. I don't understand all the "woe is me".

But that's not really true. Adoptive parents don't choose the child, the child is chosen for them unless they adopt an older child who was in foster care.

People who adopt newborns, the ads are in every newspaper and online, do so as a second choice when they are unable to conceive. So for these adoptive parents to tell the child he was chosen is a lie the child will know was a lie when he is old enough to reason.

OccasionalRain.......the adoptive parents usually don't have the choice of what baby they want, but the choice is theirs to make to become adoptive parents......and that is a choice, so in my book, any adopted child has been a chosen child to be placed in that particular home. No, it's really not a lie to tell the child he/she was chosen.

Well then would natural parents tell their child he was chosen? No they wouldn't because to be chosen means deciding between two or more.

There are exceptions, adoption parties are held to allow foster children who are available to be adopted and potential adoptive parents to meet. An adoption may follow after the child and potential parent get to know one another over time. In that case the child is chosen as are his adoptive parents.

The reason the word chosen was used in the story was to open up a dialogue with the child about adoption and what it means. Experts feel a child should know the truth from the very moment they are able to understand. That happens in baby steps. The author chose to use the word chosen to show a very young child, a toddler understand that first and foremost, they are loved. Thus begins a dialogue that lasts for years, understanding takes place in teeny tiny steps. A typical, but not all, adoptive child goes through a period of grieving the loss of their birth parent. It can take years for them to fully come to terms with it. As far as I'm concerned the child's emotional health is what matters, and handling it right is crucial to that. The storybook is just one method used. It was recommended to us, and we thought the book was helpful. Others might use a different method of introducing the topic. The child doesn't literally feel chosen. They understand the reality of the situation. Maybe not when they are toddlers, but at some point in early childhood, they know they were relinquished.

brewhaha · ‎07-25-2010

I think it would be pretty obvious if they are Asians and I have red hair and freckles.

pattypeep · ‎06-06-2011

Yes, and there have been times during my life that I wish I had found out that I was adopted. Sad, but true.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea-Robert A. Heinlein

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

I also was adopted as a infant. My parents told me when I was old enough to grasp the concept. When I was in my 30's I located my birth mother who was thrilled to have contact with me and my children. The two children she had given birth to with her husband (not my father) after me had both passed away and I was the sole living child. We had a warm relationship until she passed away although I did not see her very often as she lived in Mass. and I lived in VA. I was adopted through Catholic Charities. I had health issues as a infant because my birth mother had no pre-natal care. She was trying to hide the pregnancy from her parents. Remember this was 1948. My parents were aware of my health issues when they went tio the hospital and had the option to pass me by and wait for the next baby to become available. So for those who dispute the term ""chosen"" I would certainly disagree.

masque · ‎04-05-2014

Since I wasn't adopted, I can't really say if I'd want to know. It would depend on many factors. I did want to say, however, that I used to keep infants until they went to their adoptive homes.

I can only hope and pray that they all have a good life.

Children's Aid Society of Philadelphia.

One of the nurses I worked with years later was adopted, and she had hoped that she was one of the children I took care of. Because of the dates , we knew she wasn't. I always had a special fondness for her anyway.