Among Friends

[arrabella]

So very sorry for your loss.  My prayers are with you and his family.

[Apple Head]

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@Sweetbay magnolia wrote:

Hi, @Apple Head.  My dad died of bacterial meningitis.  It caused him a stroke that eventually took him down.

I hope you have others around that can help with the pain and loss.  Special people can't be replaced, and you are one of them.  Try to not let the "undertoad" (John Irving - The World According to Garp) bring you down.  

I am sorry for your loss.

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Thank you.   Very sad about your dear father.

I don't have any support, really.  I have no family.   I have found many so called friends go in hiding when I kept experiencing all my losses.    So many of you have been more gracious than people I know and my neighbors.     In times of pain, people should reach out, not turn away.

I lost my job 9 mos ago, no family, no support.   I call the crisis line here sometimes just to have someone to talk to.

Don't get me started about the grief group I was going to.   A man in there befriended me and said he wanted to help and listen to my concerns.  He "said" he lost his wife. He's always so positive in the group, saying he's moving on and his "healing" comes from helping others.  I'm the youngest member of the grief group.   I met him for coffee a week ago.    He had other motives.   He kept staring at my chest, my legs, all touchy feeley.   He didn't want to "grieve" together, he wanted something physical.   It sickens me.   I reported him to the leader of the group, but there is not much she can do.   Now, I can't go to that grief group again.    This guy has my phone number and e-mail,  but doens't know where I live.   I can't believe how men prey on vulnerable women.

I'm so distraught.    There are days I just don't want to go on anymore.

[panda1234]

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@SF Girl wrote:

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@Sweetbay magnolia wrote:

Hi, @Apple Head.  My dad died of bacterial meningitis.  It caused him a stroke that eventually took him down.

I hope you have others around that can help with the pain and loss.  Special people can't be replaced, and you are one of them.  Try to not let the "undertoad" (John Irving - The World According to Garp) bring you down.  

I am sorry for your loss.

---

Thank you.   Very sad about your dear father.

I don't have any support, really.  I have no family.   I have found many so called friends go in hiding when I kept experiencing all my losses.    So many of you have been more gracious than people I know and my neighbors.     In times of pain, people should reach out, not turn away.

I lost my job 9 mos ago, no family, no support.   I call the crisis line here sometimes just to have someone to talk to.

Don't get me started about the grief group I was going to.   A man in there befriended me and said he wanted to help and listen to my concerns.  He "said" he lost his wife. He's always so positive in the group, saying he's moving on and his "healing" comes from helping others.  I'm the youngest member of the grief group.   I met him for coffee a week ago.    He had other motives.   He kept staring at my chest, my legs, all touchy feeley.   He didn't want to "grieve" together, he wanted something physical.   It sickens me.   I reported him to the leader of the group, but there is not much she can do.   Now, I can't go to that grief group again.    This guy has my phone number and e-mail,  but doens't know where I live.   I can't believe how men prey on vulnerable women.

I'm so distraught.    There are days I just don't want to go on anymore.

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DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!!

[AnikaBrodie]

Sympathy in the loss of your dear friend and mentor.  (((Hugs)))

[MissBonBon]

Dear SF Girl,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved friend. I truly understand what you are going through because exactly 3 months ago this Saturday I, too, unexpectedly lost my best friend. And even though many people were sympathetic and offered encouraging thoughts, words, and deeds, I still believe that time is the only true healer and mender of a broken heart. I know exactly how you feel right now because I also wanted to give up by going out, but by the grace of God I was able to focus on our dream my friend and I shared and the pain began to subside a little bit more with each and every passing day. I wear a custom designed ring I made as a reminder of our friendship and of our promise to workout and inspire others. It's the only thing that's been keeping me going for these past 3 months. So please, don't give up! Focus on living each day as if your father and friend are walking alongside you and I promise you'll find it worthwhile to carry on knowing that you are surrounded by LOVE. That is exactly what I do and it makes living life a lot more bearable.

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.

xoxoxo, Lisa

[MaggieMack]

@Apple Head, you are grieving because you loved so much, and your love honors his life. It was the gift you kept exchanging between one another, and that gift can never die. Know that his death simply prepared him for rebirth in spirit, and he is as close as your most recent loving memories. May you be blessed with the peace of understanding and the certain knowledge that there is no real death. 

[lobstergal]

SF Girl, 

I just came back to this thread to check on you today. I didn't want to make this about me in any way but I need to tell you something.  I lost my grandfather, 2 grand babies, my grandmother, then my husband in that order all within 3 years ..... including several more losses a short time before that. My dh was not only my best friend and love of my life but I am disabled and he cared for me 24\7....my life was shattered when I lost him suddenly and unexpectedly less than 2 years ago.....2 days after Christmas. Every day is a challenge and I live my life one hour at a time because any more than that is just too much for me to handle.

I know everything is overwhelming for you and I know how it feels to want to throw in the towel and give up so kudos to you for going to a support group and calling the help line when you need someone to talk to. Maybe there is another group nearby that you can attend and befriend a female next time instead. Please don't give up and post again to let us know how your doing.

[RedTop]

Sending prayers of comfort and peace to you during this difficult time.  

[Buck-i-Nana]

Hey there @Apple Head - wanted to just check in on you.  Let me repeat what others have already said here - TIME.  Time is the biggest part in the grieving and healing process and of course the part that you cannot control or rush.  The first days, weeks, months even, hurt.  Your heart aches, your mind wanders and you cannot focus and even routine tasks seem to be insurmountable.  You may not even be aware of this, but if you pay attention, your breath rate is escalated which feeds the hurt and heartache.

It's horrible what happened when you thought your had found someone to help.  I'm so sorry that happened, but don't give up, please, don't give up.

Your friend would want you to go on, to live, to thrive, just as he did before he passed.  You need to just take it one moment at a time until it becomes minutes and then hours as the heart and soul heals.  When you feel overwhelmed STOP, sit down and pay attention to your breaths...slow them down, deliberately breath in slowly through your nose, then slowly out through your mouth.  Try to see in your minds eye your favorite place of solace.

Let me add too, while meditating and breathing are good essential steps to healing, TEARS are also healing, crying triggers a chemical reaction in your body that helps to soothe, and lastly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting angry about your loss!  Stomp your feet, punch a pillow, throw it across the room - VENT.

Please keep posting here so all of us who care know how you are doing.

[Q4u]

To everyone suffering loss, disability and pain.  Please know that you are not alone. That a powerful spirit resides in each one of us.  While it may take time and effort, that spirit and energy will eventually lift you up again.  One day you will think, "hey I'm a little happier today".... and you will be.  I believe that we are tested heavily here on earth.... the main thing to remember is to fight and to never give up.... never, ever give up.

I lost both my parents within 11 months of each other about 20 years ago.  I am an only child.  I have no living relatives outside my DH and two sons.  I was 45 and very close to my parents.  It was devastating.  And it made me furious.  It was so unfair.  

It seemed to take forever, but one day something made me laugh.  It was the first time since they passed that I laughed.  I don't remember what made me laugh, but I remember the laugh and it felt SO good that I doubt I'll ever forget it.  I knew then that I would eventually come out of the depression I was in.  But it did take a long time.  

Do what you need to do to feel better, whether it's for one day, or ends up being permanent.  My SIL asked why all my family pictures are downstairs in our built-out

basement.  There are none upstairs where we mostly live.  The answer is that I can't look at the past without sadness so I don't.  I did this when they passed away and I have continued the habit.  I DO look at the pictures on occasion now and they make me sad, but nothing like when it happened.  I need to do this in order to keep moving forward.... and it helped me tremendously.  I love my family and I love the pictures but it was and is something I still have to do.

Please keep moving forward and try to laugh as much as you can...... :