Wellness

[Mom2Dogs]

@CatsyCline   I am sorry this is happening, it is so sad to see our parents go down hill...I have no advice except for the trash...can you have two trash cans..one that she can 'go thru' and another one that she is unaware of to put the real trash in?  Obviously it would have to be hidden from her.

[LonestarBabs]

My mother has vascular dementia and I was her 24/7 caregiver for 5 exhausting years. I did get part-time help a few days per week from a wonderful senior care company but even that wasn't enough, and in April of this year I knew I had to make a change. I moved Mom into a lovely residential care home recommended by a local senior living referral expert (not a national chain that is allegedly localized) and it saved us both. It wasn't as expensive as a big assisted living facility and she is in a loving home of 6 residents with 2 full-time caregivers, nurses on staff who visit almost daily. Set in a neighborhood much like our own, it's homey and warm and Mom gets lots of attention. All staff is credentialed and the owner is a nurse with many years experience in a local hospital network whose passion for quality care really shows through.

Mom is at the point where she is Sundowning almost every day now but there are people who know how to handle it far better than I ever could.

Good luck. Ask for help. Don't be afraid. You need a village.

So much time spent "Mom-proofing" the house and trying to anticipate or react to every move/problem/issue was overwhelming at times. And I have a PhD in Gerontology!

[jlkz]

@CatsyCline 

Please take the great advice offered here: I learned so much from Alzheimer's resources when my mother and father went through different types of dementia.

My mother had Alzheimer's and my dad was going to handle it until the police got involved and wanted to talk to me, the eldest daughter.  

It seems my mother was sundowning and got out of the house while my dad was in the bathroom.  In heavy Sunday afternoon traffic, she crossed two major roads looking for her mother who had passed over 20+ years earlier.  Mom was early mid-80's at this time.  A concerned fellow saw her behaving strangely in the Wawa parking lot and called the police as she got more agitated when he spoke to her. Meanwhile, dad was driving around looking for her:  as he pulled in to his driveway, there were two police cars already there with my mom.

i succeeded in getting her into assisted living, but it was not the best model for her dementia as these folks were interspersed with the regular, normal population.  Furthermore, they were constantly being moved from their apartment to the first floor for dining and the. To the 4th floor for " activities " and back again....all fitting into the small elevator and waiting and waiting.

Early on, she who was meek and rule following became highly combative: she would hit staff with her cane.  When transferred to a wheelchair, she would ram the staff.  

Twice she was put in the lockdown ward at the local hospital.  That was when a chance encounter with the social worker at a nearby store changed everything for my mother.  I got her into a memory assisted living facility where she became more like her old self until a nursing home was needed about 8 months later.

My dad had Lewy Body dementia which was very aggressive....he passed within two months.

The dementia world is filled with many types of issues.  Please seek professionals and utilize the resources available.  It will make your life and that of your loved one much easier.  The exhausting physical, mental and emotional toll cannot be avoided.  It is a journey we are called on take....but not alone.

My heart goes out to you and every person who is dealing with this sad situation.

[Sooner]

@CatsyCline Please contact her doctors as soon as possible, and get professional help from local organizations.  You need to get help to be sure legal matters are in hand--I assume you are paying bills and have legal access to her social security or any pensions.  What charities do to bleed old people is criminal. 

You need more than support groups for you, you need to get help to get her into a facility.  At this point, she is a danger to you and to others.  It is hard to accept, but it is something that can't be ignored or downplayed for the serious situation it is.

I am so sorry.  I have dealt with this more than once, and I have some idea of the stress and frustration you suffer.  Bless you for your concern for her. 

[Deree]

@mimosa  I agree with @Sooner about the need to consult with her doctor.  As difficult as it is to accept what is happening with your mother, please don't make the mistake I did in trying to take care of her yourself. It sounds like she needs more care than you would be able to provide. I suffered greatly because I thought I could handle it all by myself and I regret that decision.  

It may be possible to have a nurse and social worker come to the house right away to evaluate your mother and make recommendations.  A facility with round the clock care may be necessary.

[Anonymous032819]

@CatsyCline 

I'm sorry that you are going through this, but Sundowning has to do with a specific time/part of the day, where the patient becomes more agitated, confused, restless.

Here's a good definition from the NIH.

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/tips-coping-sundowning 

For example, in the morning and early afternoon, they are fine, but as the sun goes down ( which is where the word 'Sundowning' comes from) they get more restless, are more easily upset, are more easily confused.

So if your mother is fussy in the morning, that isn't Sundowning.

But if she becomes more easily upset and confused and restless as the sun goes down, and at night, that's Sundowning.

[hckynut]

@CatsyCline 

I have never heard of "Sundowning", and I must be missing the purpose of this thread. If someone wants to enlighten me the purpose, I obviously am missing, I would appreciate it.

hckynut 

[tarsmom]

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@hckynut wrote:

@CatsyCline 

I have never heard of "Sundowning", and I must be missing the purpose of this thread. If someone wants to enlighten me the purpose, I obviously am missing, I would appreciate it.

hckynut 

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I am no medical expert but I did go through this with my mother who has since passed away.  Around "sundown" their behavior changes and they become confused.  Sometimes it's very apparent, and sometimes it's not.  My mom had to have surgery at 92 for a stomach issue and the poor roommate in the hospital said "you much be Michelle" - your mom was calling for you all night long".  Such a difficult time for all!  As her only daughter and the baby of the family, most of her care and decisions fell on me.  I'm sure someone with better medical knowledge could provide additional info on "sundowners". 

[Nonametoday]

Many elderly people (and some not so elderly) have sundowning from hospitalization or following surgery, but when it occurs frequently, there is an issue with dementia.

 They become difficult or afraid near sundown or "crazy" sotospeak and I don't mean that in an ugly way.  Even I get the crazies when I can't deal with things and I have what I call a "meltdown" and have to talk to someone. That is why it is so important to have the support of a caregiver group. 

Your children do not understand.  Your siblings do not understand.  I do not understand.  Your friends do not understand. Others here do not understand exactly.  We all have some minor amount of caring and understanding but we have not sat down and allowed you to spill from your heart every iota and detial.  Until we have walked in those shoes, we do not understand and offering advice about putting a person in a facility is not what anyone should be doing for this lady. She needs to make those decisions after thorough evaluations but having a power of attorney is a wonderful idea. 

This precious lady needs to be in touch with others who share similar situations and decide, after discussing with others and after talking to professionals (and most support groups are sponsored by someone who has experience working with the elderly in a professional capacity), and many in the support group have worked with so many professionals and had such long-term care at home with their patient, that they have words of wisdom that nobody else could offer. 

In my support group there is a lady whose middle-aged husband, at 50 years of age developed dementia, has had dementia for 18 years, is now terminal and she has been his caregiver all this time. She has the patience of Job.  She was a realtor in her former life but now she can get up and speak on dementia and Alzheimer's as well or better than most professionals because she is intelligent, articulate and well-studied. 

It is people like this that you need to be in touch with.  Then there are others who had to put their spouses or parents in facilities where they were terribly mistreated and others whose patient found a great care facility.  Many facilities that are recommended by doctors or other professionals and even government-funded facilities are close to that person's pocketbook or emotion.  You need to hear from many, many people before choosing something like that.  

You just need to get into a group and let those who have walked in your shoes and those of her medical care professionals help you work this out.  Do not try to make hasty decisions before you have spoken with others who have lived it and professionals who can offer the right kind of care and advice.

[Sooner]

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@hckynut wrote:

@CatsyCline 

I have never heard of "Sundowning", and I must be missing the purpose of this thread. If someone wants to enlighten me the purpose, I obviously am missing, I would appreciate it.

hckynut 

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@hckynut Sundowners is when people become more fearful and exhibit more signs of distress and dementia as the day gets darker.  I have watched it happen to three relatives.

They often stay up all night and roam the house. You can put away all the knives and other dangerous things, but some of them will go all around the house turning on gas stoves, turning on lights, turning the heat off, trying to leave the house or finding car keys, or crying, angry or calling 911 with panic attacks.  Some become very much a danger to themselves or anyone else in the house.

The above are examples of what I have seen, also seeing things that aren't there such as snakes in the house, etc. I am not giving you medical answers or descriptions, but simply speaking to you about my personal experiences.

The problem with in-home care at this point is that people aren't usually able to provide 24-hour comfort, care and attentiveness.  It is basically impossible.