Sundowning

CatsyCline · ‎07-24-2013

Wondering about Sundowning I have been staying with my mother at her home for a few weeks now. a home she can no longer maintain. Mom is 91 and cannot hear even with her hearing aides so she's been leaving them out. She cannot be alone. it is very trying having to holler and repeat words to her umpteen times. she cleans and tidies all day then accuses me of not helping. also accuses "someone" of taking some possession of hers.

i believe she is having signs of "sundowning" she is very fixated on the household trash and what is to be done with it. the recyclables get stored in the garage and when thers a small pile i take them to the transefr station. the food scraps like chix bones , veggi scraps etc she wants thrown into the yrd. i go around and around with her but she insists scraps feed hungry varmints. NO disposer NO dishwsher NO microwave, air fryr slow cooker she never wanted conveniences.

Late in the day she will come in and fish around in the trash to see what i left in there, pick through it gets irate. last nite it was chicken drippings i put in a to-go soup container in the trash i covered with paper towel yet she found it. and yes she checks to see that the scraps are out there.

she goes in her room and sits looking at her clothing items again late day. today she decided to prepare Shrimp Scampi but left the shrimp out on the counter al day then decided to mix up a cake without cleaning her hands counters or utensils. she did this from scratch and the batter looked like mud. yesterday she washed chicken tenders and put the used paper towels and chicken pkg in the dish drainer leaving the alrready clean dishes in the drainer! i cleaned it w bleach

i will have list her home. another thing that has caused friction between us but it is out of her realm now to care for. Her housekeeper quit because she was not following Covid guidelines.

Nonametoday · ‎03-09-2010

@CatsyCline wrote:
Wondering about Sundowning I have been staying with my mother at her home for a few weeks now. a home she can no longer maintain. Mom is 91 and cannot hear even with her hearing aides so she's been leaving them out. She cannot be alone. it is very trying having to holler and repeat words to her umpteen times. she cleans and tidies all day then accuses me of not helping. also accuses "someone" of taking some possession of hers.

i believe she is having signs of "sundowning" she is very fixated on the household trash and what is to be done with it. the recyclables get stored in the garage and when thers a small pile i take them to the transefr station. the food scraps like chix bones , veggi scraps etc she wants thrown into the yrd. i go around and around with her but she insists scraps feed hungry varmints. NO disposer NO dishwsher NO microwave, air fryr slow cooker she never wanted conveniences.

Late in the day she will come in and fish around in the trash to see what i left in there, pick through it gets irate. last nite it was chicken drippings i put in a to-go soup container in the trash i covered with paper towel yet she found it. and yes she checks to see that the scraps are out there.

she goes in her room and sits looking at her clothing items again late day. today she decided to prepare Shrimp Scampi but left the shrimp out on the counter al day then decided to mix up a cake without cleaning her hands counters or utensils. she did this from scratch and the batter looked like mud. yesterday she washed chicken tenders and put the used paper towels and chicken pkg in the dish drainer leaving the alrready clean dishes in the drainer! i cleaned it w bleach

i will have list her home. another thing that has caused friction between us but it is out of her realm now to care for. Her housekeeper quit because she was not following Covid guidelines.

@CatsyCline

Please ask your church or other civic organizations about support groups for caregivers of dementia patients. I could not answer your questions here but in a support group for caregivers of demented and Alzheimer's patients (your mother has dementia of which sundowning is just one form or a part of several forms). I have a medical background and have worked with many patients, many elderly but until I became the caregiver of a dementia patient, I had no idea what they went through on a day-to-day basis (and yes, my husband is deaf, because he has lost all his hearing and we have been through many thousands of dollars in hearing aids. (Finally, he was approved for cochlear implants which did not work out as it requires patience). Dementia patients have no patience. You must but you need to seek help for yourself. Nobody can help you like these support groups. Trust me. It was the best thing I ever did. Somebody is going to have your exact problem and there will be professionals there to help you.

Puppy Lips · ‎05-09-2010

I am so sorry you are going through this. It must be awful. As of August of this year, our 4 parents are now all deceased, and thankfully, none of them had dementia. I hope that does not happen to either of us as I would hate for our children to have to deal with us in that sort of condition.

Please reach out for help as has been suggested. Good Luck to you and you are a wonderful daughter to be there helping her out.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

@CatsyCline,

You didn't mention any diagnosis for your mother, but I am familiar with the aging issues you've mentioned, thru several family members in advanced stages of dementia.

As you can see, your mother has reached the stage of not being able to live alone, or be safe in her environment without your watchful eyes. She has created an unsafe environment by throwing food scraps outside to draw a variety of unwanted animals near her house, and she is not functioning at a safe level inside the house with her poor personal habits and unsafe food handling. If she were to be evaluated in her home, the decision would be that she is not safe there without 24/7 care.

Fixating and obsessiveness are big signs of late stage cognitive brain changes.

My grandmother developed sundowners in the personal care home, and her symptoms were more along the lines of extreme anxiety, confusion, and total disruption as soon as it started getting dark. She was combative, would scream and yell uncontrollably, and staff would have to isolate her in her room and sedate her to get thru it, before she created chaos with all the residents.

I send you best wishes and prayers of strength, as you are certainly dealing with a challenging situation, but you MUST ensure your mothers safety in the decisions you will soon have to make.

BluestarFL · ‎08-25-2013

Definitely reach out to a support group and respit care. That was a great suggestion. I went through this with my Mom, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. Being able to connect with others who experienced this same situation really helped me get through it. Just knowing you were not alone and that others feel like you do, was a huge relief to me since I felt I was the only one going through this very difficult journey. I had no family to help me - just me.... it was rough....

FancyPhillyshopper · ‎05-02-2017

So sorry to hear about all the challenges you are having with your mother. Sundowning is only a part of the complex process of aging and dementia issues.

I have had both my father and my MIL go through this sad process, and the strain on caregivers is incredible.

Unfortunately, there is no cure and the situation will only worsen.

If you can afford it, perhaps you can contract with daily nursing or homegiver care to give yourself a break.

Yes, consider joining an online support group to get some tips and mental relief. Are there other family members who can provide support?

With all the Covid issues, nursing homes these days are more dangerous places, but perhaps after the vaccinations you can find a high quality location for her.

You have to have patience, a sense of humor, take nothing personally, and take over running the household. You should get Power of Attorney now so you are the legal decision maker.

My MIL also used to say off-the-wall things and SIL just agreed with everything--an easy way to resolve the hallucinations. Finally, purchase whatever appliances you need to run the household more effectively.

Best wishes.

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

I would contact your Council On Aging.

I'm so very sorry.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

I can't help but feel bad for you. Another poster gave a more accurate description of what I consider sundowning, but no matter what you call it, there are cognitive problems that need to be addressed before you are driven crazy.

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

Every county in the US should have an office on aging, which could go by senior affairs or some other name. Call them for assistance on problems with old age or advice on handling situations. Should be in government pages of phone book.

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