Wellness

[Junker2327]

My sister found out several years ago she had MS. She refused all meds and treatments since it wasnt affecting her at the time. She has just retired from her job a year ago and the MS has savaged her with a vengence. She still refuses to believe it is MS. She has been to many specialists and they have all told her the same thing. She bought this large house right before retirement and was getting settled in when this started. In a little over a year she has gone from working full time to not being able to walk at all, drive, cook, clean, or even take a shower on her own. She is crying all the time. Its so incredibly sad. She is only 50. She is constantly falling out of her wheelchair and having to call EMS to come pick her up off the floor. Her hands have completely curled up. She can barely use her phone. She keeps adding things to her home such as ramps, walk in tub, 2 kinds of wheel chairs to try and reach her kitchen counters and now a bidet. No one can convince her that she cannot be alone any more. She has her groceries delivered, a housekeeper, a yard guy, someone that comes and does laundry and still it is not enough. No one in the family can talk to her because she is violently angry about it. I dont know what to do to help her. Its sickening. Her condtiion all went south in just a years time. I dont know if this disease has a prognosis or not. I do not know what stage she is end but IMO she would be in end stage. Has anyone experienced anything like this. She wont let me talk to Dr. DOes anyone know anything about living with this disease. I need someone to talk to about it as I am mentally exhausted on what to do next. we have suggested assisted living or a live in person all she does is cry. The thing is, her mind is all there. I am sad about this and dont know how to help her.

Junker2327

[colleena]

@Junker2327 Sorry to hear this about your sister & the little I know about MS this does sound like that is what she has.  

It's easy for me to say but if your sister is violently angry & refuses to get treatment there's not much you or anyone else can do - it's up to her.

I know it's hard but hang in there, don't beat yourself up & be there if/when she is amenable about getting help.  Good luck.

[On It]

@Junker2327 I do not know what to say or do about her refusal to allow treatment. It seems your sister may need a psychologist to intervene and help her come to grips with the reality of the situation. This must be horrible for you and your family as well as your sister. I hope she gets the help she needs.

[Sooner]

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@Junker2327 I feel your pain and frustration.  One of the most difficult aspects of dealing with older parents is that often they make terrible decisions and it's  nothing you can do something about if they aren't where they could be declared incompetent.

I don't have any advice for you, just sympathy and saying that some things are beyond our control, and we have to simply live through it and remember that people make bad decisions sometimes and there things on this earth that you can't fix.  

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[FancyPhillyshopper]

I am very sorry to hear about your sister.  I am sure she is angry and in shock at the failure of her body to deal with this terrible illness. Yes, she is very young to be suffering so much, and was probably just not mentally prepared for the severity and the speed of the symptoms.

Mayo Clinic has some information about this disease which can help us learn more:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/multiple-sclerosis/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20350274

If she is constantly in touch with you, she is seeking support.  Perhaps she will go to see a doctor if you go with her.  I agree that a live-in person could be a real boon.  Perhaps she could interview some people and then she would feel more comfortable with the option. 

I know you are worried, but do not let yourself become mentally overwhelmed.  Your sister needs everybody's help now, so you need to be strong for her and help her create an action health plan. According to research, people with this disease do not necessarily die from this disease, so she needs to look to a future and figure out how to best meet her physical needs.  I will keep both of you in my prayers and send my best wishes.

[Goodie2shoes]

My heart goes out to you and your family. Unfortunately there appears not much you can do since she is mentally alert. Maybe looking into contacting a support organization like the National MS  Society who can give you information on how you and your family can deal with your sister and how to get through to her. Once you can get through to her if at all possible then maybe she will allow their help as well.  Keep us posted on your progress with getting her the help she needs. Prayers and blessings to you and your family ! 

[Flatbush]

@Junker2327 

This is such a sad story. I don't know how close you live to your sister, but maybe limiting very frequent contact with her, (not mentioning the illness), but still keeping in touch will make it a little easier for you.

Sending a card now and then, telephone calls to let her know you are still thinking of her might bring her some comfort.

There is little to nothing you can do while she is in this deep grief and depression she must be feeling.

You will most likely find information on the internet that can help with any questions you may have.

I wonder if  some on line MS forums with those afflicted can help you with information on how to approach your sister.

Sending you my thoughts and good wishes that she will be in a more compromising, accepting  place re: her illness ( in time).

[Beauty$Junkie]

I am so sorry about what your sister is going through.  You may want to look at resonance frequencies?  Spooky2 has even got many YouTube frequencies that may help her.  Praying for your family.

[AspenGrove]

@Junker2327- I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. As someone who experienced something similar, I would urge you and other family members to become a united front and force help for your sister.  

Several years ago, myself and my siblings had to do this with our elderly father who was in complete denial about health issues and needing meds and assistance. We sought advice from his physicians and mental health advocates—each of whom had seen this same thing umpteen times and therefore were a great help. They each explained that his denial, anger, bitterness, etc. was an expression of utter fear and a silent cry for help.

And so we swooped in and organized in-home care, as well as specific plans for meds, treatment, etc. He’s fully mentally competent and therefore chose the in-home person, along with us, of course. He was and still is part of the decision-making continually. As soon as we took control and made it clear that we were there to support him and weren’t ever going away, his entire attitude changed.  He’s still grumpy from time to time, of course, but he’s thankfully now onboard with his own care and knows that we love him and are there to help.

About a year after everything was initially in place, he casually said to me on the phone one day, “I’m so glad you guys stopped me from having temper tantrums and are taking care of your ol’ dad.”  Phew. Me, too. 

Sending all good wishes to your sister and you during this really difficult time. 

[eyeron]

I am sorry your sister is going through this.  The fact that this came on so suddenly (after years of having having little or no symptoms) made me wonder if it can be something other than the MS.  Has she ever been tested for Lyme disease? (late stage) You don't have to see the tic or get a bullseye rash to get it.   It can mimic the same symptoms of MS and one can become extremely dibilitated.  I am not trying to suggest she doesn't have MS but at this point it can't hurt to rule out other things that may be causing such an acute attack this past year- in addition to her MS.