Need advice on dealing with a bad patient/family i... - Page 10

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@YorkieonmyPillow Yes but it's expensive where I am and I figure if I am going to move I may as well move to where I want to be and get it over with. I don't want to start a job and then leave it after a year. I'd rather build some longetivity in a place I'm happy in.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@Laura14 IMHO, this whole thing will follow you. One can't really outrun family situations.

If you still want to move okay but first, before you up and leave, I think you should deal with this situation by making boundaries - if not, you will have to make them later.

Do you know for sure you can support yourself elsewhere - and what about your family - are you going to tell them you are leaving?

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@YorkieonmyPillowwrote:
@Laura14 IMHO, this whole thing will follow you. One can't really outrun family situations.

If you still want to move okay but first, before you up and leave, I think you should deal with this situation by making boundaries - if not, you will have to make them later.

Do you know for sure you can support yourself elsewhere - and what about your family - are you going to tell them you are leaving?

@YorkieonmyPillow I've had the sit down about common courtesy and boundaries and it falls on deaf ears. Once I am out of the house in my own true place, no one is coming without my say so. That set up has always been respected. I've lived away before and they rarely came to see me and only did because they were in the area for other things.

The only reason this has gone on here is because her name is on title and my baby sister is down the street and my mother will not be barred from her own property even when leased whenever she wants to be there. I get it to a degree since I am her daughter and I've tried to set up boundaries with when and how as a matter of courtesy towards me but it's obvious that it will never be respected or enforced. I'm just not worthy of it in her mind and that's on me for putting up with it for so long.

My family has known of my desire to move away for a while now. I've made it clear I don't like GA and would rather be North again.

I actually just had a good conversation with a co-worker I don't see much anymore. He offered his references and whatever else he could do for me. He's kind of been following along with this drama of mine for years now and just looked at me and said, "As much as I am going to miss you, I think enough is enough."

It's going to be hard to start over somewhere. He just mentioned that he and another coworker have all moved to a small town a little bit aways from here. He suggested I move there and we could have a block party. It was so nice and took some stress off of me to actually be wanted someplace and appreciated. I almost forgot what that felt like for a while.

Tyak · ‎01-26-2013

OP,, I don't know the details of why she needed the hysterectomy but if it was because of something like fibroids, etc. And not something more serious like cancer, someone should tell her to put her big girl panties on, grow up and stop the whining.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@Laura14 The good news is, your family doesn't have to agree, like, or approve of ANYTHING you plan to do --- they are in a position of "power" now because you are living in Mom's house, but once you are out of there, you will be free of that control.

I am totally supportive of you, and I think your fam is crazy to not appreciate you and what you have done and ARE doing. It's obvious you have given a lot of care and consideration of others.

I feel your pain. I've dealt with a lot of what you are dealing with.......

Anyway, whatever you do, just think it through, be careful, and I wouldn't break ties with the fam or burn bridges; if you do move away, do it on good terms.

You will feel much better and freer that way.

Any news on when Mom will be leaving?

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@YorkieonmyPillow I can not tell you how helpful and supportive you have been to me over the past few days. You are so right about so much.

Since no one is speaking to me and I keep coming home to a closed door, I have no idea. Last I heard, my sister mentioned on the text that she would be around at least 6 more days from today when the husband is supposedly coming back so I am going to guess at least another week of this nonsense.

My brother in law has a birthday Monday which we usually all go out to dinner for. Not sure if that's even going to be acknowledged so I am mailing his card and gift.

I just wish my mother would get over her woe is me fit and start acting like a mature adult. I understood it a few days ago and let her have her space but now I'm angry. It's not fair to everyone to be at each other's throats and me so inconvenienced in my own home all because she is recuperating not as fast as she wants to and bored to the point that the family is totally backbiting each other over how to enable her and her drama.

I was incapacitated last summer with a broken bone all by myself and managed to cry out my frustration in private but still get myself to work, take care of the house as best I could on my own, and honor some family obligations even with a broken arm no one seemed to remember I had without acting like a child and taking it out on anybody like this.

I really thought about texting my sister and letting her know that I've not had any opportunity to help in any way as she requested since my mother is shutting herself away from me literally. Already said that to her but now I have proof. But then I got mad again and decided everyone can you know what off and I'm going ahead with what I need to do for me. Eventually this too shall pass.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

@Laura14...I would focus on what YOU need....

webbgarner1 · ‎06-13-2017

@Laura14 Good luck with your family dynamics. Hysterectomies are genrally simple proceedures and recovery is usually quick, , unless there are conditions like cancer. Maybe time to claim your household back and send everyone packing. Most people recover better in their own home and surroundings. If her surgery went well, she should not need much.