Need advice on dealing with a bad patient/family issues

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

Some of you may have seen some other posts about my mother who is recovering from a hysterectomy. This is the first major illness of a family member and it's totally ripping the family apart.

Long story short, she did fantastically well for a few days but now she is kind of finally feeling it all and becoming depressed. She's been staying at the house along with her husband until yesterday when her husband had enough and went back to their home in FL for a few days.

I rent the house but have basically been living in my bedroom just to avoid being in their space which they've made clear they don't want me in. It's a very small house so there's just no way to avoid each other without shutting away like that.

My baby sister reached out to me and my other sister this morning over text and said we now need to step it up because the husband left and she has "a full plate". Neither she nor my other sister work like I do although they do run their kids around for different activities.

To make another long story short, my other sister offered that she too has been rebuffed with every overture she's tried to make on her end and believes like I do that our mother is angry with us for some reason and wants nothing to do with us. She only wants to spend time with the baby sister.

Baby sister said it needs to be all about mom right now in spite of everything in our lives and that set the other sister off who's already had issues with our mother about things that were said to her over the holidays and I now have those two screaming texts at one another.

Help.

I have not responded to any of the texts and I had no idea the husband ran out yesterday. Supposedly he'll be back on Friday. Any advice for what to do with surviving this nonsense for however long it is going to go on? I've not been through this before and frankly thought my sisters would behave better when this time came.

QVCkitty1 · ‎05-23-2015

I have no advice, being an only child. Sometimes when .I was handling everything myself I wished there was someone else to help, but I see now that is not always the case. You have my sympathy

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan

Kitlynn · ‎03-09-2010

It sounds like there might be more underlying things than just the hysterectomy. I had one when I was thirty two and it wasn't fun but it also wasn't anything that caused a problem for anyone else in my family. I would suggest all of you try to sit down and talk to your mother and find out what is really going on. If that is not possible then just don't give in to the drama. Not easy to do I know since you live there but just because someone has a problem it doesn't give them license to be ugly to others. People can only treat you ugly if you allow them to.

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

You need help! If family cannot come forward, perhaps they can contribute some money to hire help. This isn’t a permanent situation but it appears to be creating a family dynamic that could be far more long lasting. Call a social worker at the hospital call the surgeon’s office...any place where people may know of agencies to contact where you can find temporary assistance. Good luck!

shopperqvc · ‎03-10-2010

A hysterectomy means hormone changes and pain, those 2 can make a usually "nice" person difficult. Perhaps the doctor can prescribe something to ease the reactions a bit. Try to explain to her doctor what she is doing and he/she may be able to help. If the doctor doesn't seem to have time, speak to the nurse. Before this becomes a split that lasts in the family, get help.

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

@Laura14- Wow. What does your baby sister want you to do? The better question is what is she willing to do to "make it all about Mom?" Can your mother finish her recovery at your baby sister's home or can she go home and be with her husband?

I won't entering the bickering between your sisters, someone will probably ask you to take a side.

sann · ‎05-30-2012

Contact her physican to let him or her know what is going on.

scatcat · ‎03-15-2010

I’d call the husband and tell him his vacation is over

Sweet_Serenity · ‎01-22-2016

I had a hysterectomy at 43 didn't experience what your sharing. In my case recovery went smoothly. In fact felt reborn, mentally and physically. The fact her husband seems to be frustrated says a lot. Regardless self care important as someone previously said. Would advise having her speak with Doctor. Surgery effects everyone differently. Take care of yourself. Praying for all involved. 🌹