Need advice on dealing with a bad patient/family i... - Page 3

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

As an only child I have no sibling advice.

However I did have a needy, demanding mother. Are you still paying rent while she is there? Just curious.

I would call her Dr tell him things are not going well and ask him to prescribe a social work assessment from home health with an eye towards getting Mom on her feet and on the way home.

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@chrystaltreewrote:
I don't have any advice because I'm sure there's much more that you didn't share and it appears that there family family issues before your mother's surgery. I also don't know how sick or disabled your mother is. Does she have cancer, is that why she had the hysterectomy? Does she have other health issues that are affecting her? She has a husband so I wonder why she had to go to your house to recover. It would have been better if you went to stay with her for a few days after her surgey. I can see why her husband went back home, there was no reason for him to stay in your house since you were there and the situation sounds like it was cramped and uncomfortable. I think all you can do now is be grown up and take your own house back and remind you mother that she's a guest....until she recovers enough to go home. It's not brain surgery or a heart transplant. I assume she had her surgery in your area so I would think she would go home right after her first post-op visit with the surgeon and that's generally 2 weeks after the surgery. I don't think your sisters are behaving badly. You mother made it clear she doesn't want anything from one sister and the other one apparently likes being "the baby" but she isn't going to take your mother into her home. So, it is all about your mother. It's about you setting clear limits on how long she can be a houseguest in your home.

@chrystaltree She did have cancer which is supposedly all gone. No other health issues. She should get the all clear on Tuesday at the followup.

She lives in FL but she and her husband refuse to get doctors in FL so they come back to GA everytime they need something like this and constantly crash my place which is a BIG part of the issue. Everyone is just tired of it all and it's coming to a head with other things being dragged into it.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@NycVixen Mom is not involved in this nonsense. The texts are between sisters only.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@kitcat51wrote:
If your mom only wants to spend time with your baby sister then let her, simlpy back away & behind the scene ask your baby sister what you can do through her to help your mom. Don't take things personally, let your mom get back on her feet before trying to work out whatever is going on...been there, done that & it's never easy. Best wishes.

That what myself and my other sister have done. The issue is baby sister is tired of it and wants us to step in more because we are not doing our part according to her.

I am really restraining myself. I find it funny this is the first time my sisters have been asked to make major sacrifices in their own lives for our mother and they can't handle it. I've done it most of my life including not even having a home of my own for the past 15 years but they can't handle one week of post op.

Imaoldhippie · ‎06-10-2015

I dont understand why a simple hysterectomy is such a problem. From what I get from you your mom is being a pain. You need to get your own place. Evidently you have been feeling as tho you are not wanted in the home before the surgery. There is nothing your mom cant do if the surgery has been more than six weeks. If it has not been that long then stairs, lifting, driving are a no no. For you all to knock yourselves out is not right. Help yes, beyond that no. Good luck

LIFE IS TO SHORT TOO FOLD FITTED SHEETS

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@gmkbwrote:
@Laura14 Your mother will probably need about 6 weeks of recovery time before she can travel back home to Fl. Being in pain, hormonal changes, perhaps the pain meds and being away from home are probably playing on her mind. You are going to need great patience and compassion. She needs understanding and kindness right now.

I would avoid getting into any discussions with your sisters. They are not there dealing with this and would cause a rift between you. No reason for that to happen. Before long your mother will return home and things will return to normal. It would be sad to have strained relations with your sisters. Your mother will recover and return to her normal life.

Men like to fix things. Seems to me that if they can't fix it, they escape. Hopefully your father will return to fulfill his obligations. Stay strong; this too shall pass.

@gmkb Thank you! I'm trying to be minimal with my sisters because I really don't want things said that can't be taken back. That light at the end can't come fast enough.

@Sweet_Serenity Thank you!

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@Drythewrote:
@Laura14

As an only child I have no sibling advice.

However I did have a needy, demanding mother. Are you still paying rent while she is there? Just curious.

I would call her Dr tell him things are not going well and ask him to prescribe a social work assessment from home health with an eye towards getting Mom on her feet and on the way home.

@Drythe I have always paid rent and taken care of the upkeep to the point I broke my wrist last summer trying to do it all. My obligations there are more than met.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@Imaoldhippiewrote:
I dont understand why a simple hysterectomy is such a problem. From what I get from you your mom is being a pain. You need to get your own place. Evidently you have been feeling as tho you are not wanted in the home before the surgery. There is nothing your mom cant do if the surgery has been more than six weeks. If it has not been that long then stairs, lifting, driving are a no no. For you all to knock yourselves out is not right. Help yes, beyond that no. Good luck

@Imaoldhippie There are a lot of old issues coming to a head with all the stress. The surgery was only a week ago and it's normally a 4-6 week recovery. I think a lot of people here have gotten it right along with you. She is not feeling well and leaning hard on one person who wants her life back a little bit. Been feeling that way for 15 years and the own place is coming sooner rather than later. I knew this was going to happen as soon as a major illness did.

NycVixen · ‎10-15-2010

@Laura14wrote:
@qbetzforrealwrote:
@Laura14- Wow. What does your baby sister want you to do? The better question is what is she willing to do to "make it all about Mom?" Can your mother finish her recovery at your baby sister's home or can she go home and be with her husband?

I won't entering the bickering between your sisters, someone will probably ask you to take a side.
She won't go to her house because she is more comfortable in the master bedroom at my home.

Frankly I am a little shocked that my sister is so put out by all of this and my other sister told her just that.

I think that's the heart of the problem; everyone except you is only thinking about how they feel and themselves. I face a very similar situation in my family.

Honestly, everyone is enabling the drama. Your sisters might not be acting mature enough in this situation but IMO by simply caring what they say, don't say or do or don't do doesn't help and adds fuel to the fire. I've been there.

Simply disengage and so should everyone else. Stop answering texts, calls and talking about things from the past that are not relevant now. If they can't, ignore them and focus on helping your mom. She should be the focus despite anything she's done to whomever.

Tell your sisters to rise to the occasion or kindly make themselves scarce if they won't contribute anything positive nor help. I know the drama sucks people in but there comes a time when one has to choose to be mature and do what needs to be done.

~Live with Intention~