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Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,237
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: I am in need of some good advice

surgery is set for 16th may at 830am

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,597
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I am in need of some good advice

I am sorry your husband is having such a hard time.  My DH also is having some problems in this area and had a 20 biopsy punches last Oct.  We were surprised how long it took for the blood to stop.                                                                                                 This may be here nor there in your DH situation but it did help my DH.   DH was put in the hospital for a unrelated emergency in July for 5 days.  The doctor told him NO MORE CAFFEINE, pop, coffee etc.  Since then he only drinks decaff or water.  Now instead of getting up 4 times of night with little stream, he gets up 1 time and the stream is back like normal.    Nothing is different except the caffeine.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,105
Registered: ‎06-19-2010

Re: I am in need of some good advice

@Big Joanie, you say YOUR sex life?  It ruined his, too.  And usually this affects a man more than the woman except for the wife feeling helpless to relieve her husband's depression.

 

My husband her prostate cancer, stage three.  Blessedly, they got the cancer but he had to have two more surgeries because they damaged his bladder.  He had leakage and urgency to go to the bathroom to the point that he to wear pads.  He was so embarrassed.  Not quite incontinence but close to it.

 

He had a second surgery to fix the bladder and then a third to fix the bad second surgery.  Oh, I forgot to mention the first surgery damaged the nerves which meant no more you know what.  That led to a deep depression which is still with him but not as deep.

 

I say all this because it seemed that you felt sorry for yourself and not him.  Hope I'm wrong.  I know it makes them stubborn sometimes but we have to ignore it sometimes.  Maybe I'm older than you and realize that s*x isn't everything.

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore to be happy”. (By Nightbirde, singer of the song, It’s Ok)
Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,105
Registered: ‎06-19-2010

Re: I am in need of some good advice

@viva923, I wish you and your husband the best with his surgery.  

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore to be happy”. (By Nightbirde, singer of the song, It’s Ok)
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,804
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I am in need of some good advice


@Mmsfoxxie wrote:

@Big Joanie, you say YOUR sex life?  It ruined his, too.  And usually this affects a man more than the woman except for the wife feeling helpless to relieve her husband's depression.

 

My husband her prostate cancer, stage three.  Blessedly, they got the cancer but he had to have two more surgeries because they damaged his bladder.  He had leakage and urgency to go to the bathroom to the point that he to wear pads.  He was so embarrassed.  Not quite incontinence but close to it.

 

He had a second surgery to fix the bladder and then a third to fix the bad second surgery.  Oh, I forgot to mention the first surgery damaged the nerves which meant no more you know what.  That led to a deep depression which is still with him but not as deep.

 

I say all this because it seemed that you felt sorry for yourself and not him.  Hope I'm wrong.  I know it makes them stubborn sometimes but we have to ignore it sometimes.  Maybe I'm older than you and realize that s*x isn't everything.


She was being honest and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

 

Once it stops, abruptly or slowly, I'm sure it's a huge loss.

 

What do you mean 'this usually affects a man more than the woman'?

 

Being older doesn't make you any wiser about how important sex is in a relationship.

 

 

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,105
Registered: ‎06-19-2010

Re: I am in need of some good advice

@Lucky Charm, of corse there is nothing wrong with feeling how she feels.

 

Being older never makes one wiser but it does make for more experience.  With age sometimes comes acceptance of things you can't change.

 

By saying it usually affects a man more than a woman, I meant that men are programmed to feel that a real man can preform.  It's shown all the time subliminally or boldly in their faces on tv commercials, movies, reading material, jokes by comedians, etc.  I can't tell you how many times I saw my husband cringe when a commercial about depends came on or acomedian making fun of lack of sexu*al proformance.  About Viagra or that other commercial, neither of which he can use.  It's in their faces everyday.  

 

IMO, woman can deal with it easier.  You're correct, sex is very important in a relationship but it should not be THE relationship.  When sickness invades a marriage there going to be no winner but you have to have one of the spouses try to be the uplifter.  I'm still trying to work on my husband's depression about this.  Some days I get angry and say to myself  'I give up, let him sulk, I'm tired of babying him'.  But I can't stay there because I care about him.  When he feels bad, I feel bad.

 

Again, I'm not trying to tell anybody how to feel or say their feelings are wrong.  Just trying to show a man's thought processes.

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore to be happy”. (By Nightbirde, singer of the song, It’s Ok)