Re: Elderly Falls

KittySoftPaws · ‎07-21-2020

@RedTop I'm so sorry to hear of the hardships you have had to go through. You have had much more of it than I. As hard as it is to talk about it with others, and I am sure you would agree, when I do, I feel I am re-living it all over again. I do appreciate your sharing your experience. Even though I knew I wasn't the only one going through it, it seemed like it at the time, and it felt like I did hard time. It's now one of those things that I look back on and wonder how I did it. For me, therapy and lots of prayers got me through.

"Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts." Charles Dickens

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@Desertdi wrote:
Assisted living apartments in my area run about $14,000 a MONTH. (Yes, I have priced them.)

This could be a challenge for people who don't have the assets to cover such an expense.

The majority of the people here who say assisted living don't know what they are talking about about. They have no idea what assisted living means. They really mean nursing home which is not assisted living. Some are referring to elderly housing which also is not assisted living. Assisted living is not medical care so it's not covered by Medicare or any health insurer. After my sister had her heart attack, we investigated assisted living but the least expensive was $7000 a month and with her disability, it's unlikely they would be able to take her anyway because most rooms up a flight of stairs. Most people and families cannot afford assisted living. In my sister's case, her medical care team and the state set up the home care plan that brings all the services she needs to her apartment.

Desertdi · ‎03-13-2010

@chrystaltree wrote:
@Desertdi wrote:
Assisted living apartments in my area run about $14,000 a MONTH. (Yes, I have priced them.)

This could be a challenge for people who don't have the assets to cover such an expense.

The majority of the people here who say assisted living don't know what they are talking about about. They have no idea what assisted living means. They really mean nursing home which is not assisted living. Some are referring to elderly housing which also is not assisted living. Assisted living is not medical care so it's not covered by Medicare or any health insurer. After my sister had her heart attack, we investigated assisted living but the least expensive was $7000 a month and with her disability, it's unlikely they would be able to take her anyway because most rooms up a flight of stairs. Most people and families cannot afford assisted living. In my sister's case, her medical care team and the state set up the home care plan that brings all the services she needs to her apartment.

My post ended with the second paragraph. The final comments were by @chrystaltree I have no idea how this glitch happened. di

♥Surface of the Sun♥

Lilysmom1 · ‎11-08-2020

@KittySoftPaws and others, there are some sad stories here. I got a glimpse of how challenging this can be this year. If you haven't done it, it is a wake up. My relative maneuvered and blamed everyone who tried to help her. She undid every arrangement to help her live independently, accused family of stealing from her and fought every effort to keep her safe.

Her son now lives with her and she keeps trying to get rid of him without appreciating the fact that he is the only reason she is able to live independently.

The role of caretaker is a very tough one and I send a prayer for all who have done it.

BlueFinch · ‎08-31-2019

@KittySoftPaws I can envision everything you said. The stories I could tell about my situation with my mom would sound unbelievable by many, too. My mom was also belligerent about any help, including mine, at times. There were accidents, broken bones, you name it, it happened. She carried on, while I felt like a bad daughter, every time something bad happened.

Trying to honor her requests, I felt hiring someone to be with her 24/7 was the best option. But, I needed to put a stop to it in the last few years, when she was entering the depths of Alzheimer's. Any medical professional would have supported my decision.

But, by then, she was extremely difficult and dangerous to herself and others. I created a trap for myself. I felt if she was in a memory unit somewhere that she would be a target for abuse. It happens. I would still place her, without hesitation, if I could do it over again.

So, the live and let live plan comes with complications, as much as we'd love to honor it. Sadly next of kin will always be seen as accountable for not providing safety. I saw this in my situation and that of patients and their families as a RN.

I saw many incidents where family, or friends were considered neglectful, without even hearing the entire back story. Only those who have lived through these situations will understand. Many never will experience such, but they sure are ready to judge.

Earlier on, mine was a version of live and let live, but for far too long. At a certain point you have to let the chips fall where they may, as you've done, or enforce placement. All the choices, good, or bad will lead to emotional scars. The old would've, could've, should've thoughts continue to replay in our minds. Believe me, I get you. It's a nightmare.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

@KittySoftPaws Sometimes we try and we try and, in the end, are left with no other choice. I feel that the things my Dad was doing would have killed my mom if we hadn't stepped in. With that said, I did have the help of my 2 siblings and once Dad was in the "home", someone was there almost every day. I can't even imagine what it would have been like doing it alone. It sounds like you put forth a lot of effort and did your best.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@gidgetgh wrote:
@Travone wrote:
I feel sorry for her. I know I will be alone as I don't have children. But she is all alone and has children.

Was it not possible for her to live in an apartment close to you when you moved.?

@Travone - I will be alone also. Husband is deceased and I have no children. I try not to dwell on it, but when the thoughts do sneak in, it concerns me. I sometimes wonder what will happen to me.

@gidgetgh Same here.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Sooner wrote:
@gidgetgh wrote:
@Travone wrote:
I feel sorry for her. I know I will be alone as I don't have children. But she is all alone and has children.

Was it not possible for her to live in an apartment close to you when you moved.?

@Travone - I will be alone also. Husband is deceased and I have no children. I try not to dwell on it, but when the thoughts do sneak in, it concerns me. I sometimes wonder what will happen to me.
@gidgetgh Same here--husband still alive let me clarify, but who knows how it will all play out.

reiki604 · ‎03-09-2010

Maybe I missed something here. You are talking about your MIL, right? I don't see any mention of, or involvement of your husband, her son. While caregiving mostly falls on women, it might be time for him to step up and take the burden off of you. You have done more than your share for this family who doesn't seem to care much about you.

'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown

Steffdoggy10 · ‎03-10-2010

I think the lesson we can take from this is, be gracious and grateful to those who care for you. My mother-in-law lived with us for seven years and it was an opposite experience and that she had no desire to be independent. She wanted everyone to wait on her hand and foot. Too long to go into, but it was horrible and almost ended our marriage. My husband did not like his mother and liked her even less when she came to live with us. He ended up moving her into a nursing home and she's very happy there because they wait on her hand and foot lol.