Wellness

[I am still oxox]

I have been fearful of things my entire life, in and out of therapy and as 9-11 approaches the fears come to the surface again, masked as other fears.

I worked in Lower Manhattan and was in the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel when tower one was hit and standing on Lower Broadway when the second plane hit. I made it to work and we were safe there, we heard and felt the towers fall, our windows faced Battery Park and the windows were covered with the soot from the collapse.

As a result I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which never really goes away and I did very well until Covid

Now everything is frightening me add this that I have immune issues so I try to stay close to home, we do eat outside but that will soon end as it gets colder and I will then only be out back and once a month for hair and or nails, which makes m happy.

These days I fear everything, from me or a relative or friend getting Covid to weather events. I am very strong on some days and today and the 19 anniversary approaches not at all strong.

[marchingalong123]

[I am still oxox]

@marchingalong123 

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@marchingalong123 wrote:

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[sligo]

@Iam still oxox, I completely understand. I suffer from anxiety & panic attacks. Every day I  ask myself to trya nd be stronger. I try. It is something I want desperately to handle. Let's say a little prayer for each other PROMISE

[kare29]

I think we all have fears from time to time and this year has not been easy for anyone.

My thoughts have been of the upcoming anniversary for the past few days.  It is no wonder you have PTSD.  I still remember being in work and hearing of the planes hitting the towers and then processing the fact that people lost their lives in these brutal attacks.  I sobbed unashamedly in front of people I work with for the lives lost and I was not the only one.  Some things stay with you for a lifetime and I think this is something I will never forget either so you are not alone. 

Take care of yourself both physically and mentally.  Enjoy outside for as long as we have the weather.  I am north of Boston so our seasons are the same.  I think talking about these things helps, too. 

Sincerely--Karen

[ALRATIBA]

I don't think I have any major fears, but there are some things I do avoid doing.  I don't like being out alone after dark.  When I am, I carry an alarm.  Not afraid, but cautious.

Re 9/11 - I'll never forget it.  

I worked a couple of blocks from there and we were looking out the windows of our 51st floor offices when the second plane hit. 

As a safety precaution - no elevators.  We walked down 51 floors to the street level!

I saw the first tower crumble as I and a co-worker were walkng the 2+ miles to my apt.  No public transit that day downtown.

It took me months before I had the courage to go to the the site.  I took pictures (with a camera), but never developed them.  Camera is around here somewhre - with the film still in it.

I've lived through a couple of NYC blackouts - and had to walk up ten floors to my apartment.

I lived in CA long enough to experience earthquakes.

As I said above - I'm not "afraid" of anything but I am cautious about a lot of things.

[AuntG]

Being that you were close to the twin towers, I can imagine that you dread the anniversary. With Covid, we now know more so I'm not fearful about groceries, take out food or delivery boxes being contaminated. At first I wiped down everything coming into our home. You definitely have more worries than the average person - glad you saw the need for help.

[Mom2Dogs]

I don't have any fears that I am dealing with, but I totally understand the issue that the OP faces.

 I cannot imagine being near the towers when they fell.  I still remember where I was when I heard the news and the extreme sadness I felt for days after.  I had a parent that died about the same time.  I don't remember being able to grieve because the towers came down just a few days later.

Take care of yourself.

[LindaSal]

@I am still oxox   I am sorry you experienced 9/11 from such a close proximity.

It is totally understandable why you still have those fears.  I think it's just like when JFK was shot (though I was only 3) everyone said they remember where they were.  I remember where I was on 9/11.  I was working in my dental office and remember a patient came in and said a plane had hit one of the towers, I couldn't seem to process that and thought it was an accident with a small single engine plane.  Much to my dismay I was shocked when my brother contacted me at work (he is x military) and seemed like he was right back in that role.   He told me what had happened and I remember I just sobbed.

Life has a funny way of bringing back sad or difficult times.  The best we can do is try to appreciate the good in our lives and know we are rooting for each other. Best wishes.

[FrostyBabe1]

No, I don't.

While I remember the events of 9/11 well (I was on an airplane, headed for meetings in NYC), I do so with reverence for the lives lost and the determination that I absolutely will not live in fear of anything or anyone. 

@I am still oxox - you say that you've been in and out of therapy your entire life. From this, and a number of other posts, I say with the greatest possible kindness that perhaps it's time for you to pursue therapy once again. You seem to be overwhelmed and upset by the smallest things. No one here is equpped to help you deal with true mental health issues. I wish you all the best.