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Registered: ‎05-28-2013
On 4/8/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:
On 4/8/2014 Deb1010again said:
On 4/8/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

He doesn't have much time left, and he had less than 2 months of enjoyable retirement time. All he wants to do is come home and watch t.v. with a dog on his lap.

I've got to give you credit for knowing the nuts and bolts of the simple things that will make your dad happy. It's not too much to ask and I hope he's able to have at least some time to watch tv with the dog on his lap in his own home. It's good he has the resources to augment your TLC with a nurse or home health aide(s).

I read your response to my post and I don't know what to tell you about your mom. You've definitely got your hands full there. What kind of relationship, if any, do you want with her after your dad passes?

I hope I didn't offend you with my chuckles, deb. {#emotions_dlg.blushing}

As far as my relationship with my mom, and what I want down the road...that depends on her behavior. If she keeps acting as she is now, I guess we may be able to repair things after he is gone...but if she sticks around and screams at him all the time, abuses him in some way or drains their bank accounts in an attempt to block his care...I don't see my mother and I having a relationship after that. It really does depend on her. If she does anything despicable, I can't see wanting her in my life; it would also prove that she shouldn't be in my life.

Of course you didn't offend me. Don't worry about it. You've got enough going on.

I do hope you and your mom can have a relationship after all this. I hope she surprises you in a good way when your dad comes home -- which hopefully he will.

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Posts: 5,354
Registered: ‎07-17-2010
On 4/9/2014 Deb1010again said:
On 4/8/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:
On 4/8/2014 Deb1010again said:
On 4/8/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

He doesn't have much time left, and he had less than 2 months of enjoyable retirement time. All he wants to do is come home and watch t.v. with a dog on his lap.

I've got to give you credit for knowing the nuts and bolts of the simple things that will make your dad happy. It's not too much to ask and I hope he's able to have at least some time to watch tv with the dog on his lap in his own home. It's good he has the resources to augment your TLC with a nurse or home health aide(s).

I read your response to my post and I don't know what to tell you about your mom. You've definitely got your hands full there. What kind of relationship, if any, do you want with her after your dad passes?

I hope I didn't offend you with my chuckles, deb. {#emotions_dlg.blushing}

As far as my relationship with my mom, and what I want down the road...that depends on her behavior. If she keeps acting as she is now, I guess we may be able to repair things after he is gone...but if she sticks around and screams at him all the time, abuses him in some way or drains their bank accounts in an attempt to block his care...I don't see my mother and I having a relationship after that. It really does depend on her. If she does anything despicable, I can't see wanting her in my life; it would also prove that she shouldn't be in my life.

Of course you didn't offend me. Don't worry about it. You've got enough going on.

I do hope you and your mom can have a relationship after all this. I hope she surprises you in a good way when your dad comes home -- which hopefully he will.

My dad was--unexpectedly--released today.

He is already up to mischief. {#emotions_dlg.laugh} When I brought him home, I instructed him to wait in the car until I put the dog outside, and to not get up until I came back out to get him. He got out of the car anyway. When I asked him why he didn't wait for me, he told me not to be like Mom. {#emotions_dlg.glare} Then he went into the bathroom to go, and I asked him not to lock the door. He locked it a minute or two after I helped him to the bathroom. I asked him how I would be able to help him if he needed help in there, and the door was locked. He said that if he needed help, he would unlock the door. I asked what he would do if he passed out in there...he said, "I don't think that will happen."

I've already explained to my mom that if he falls because she was in the bathroom or something, and he got up on his own and fell, I would not be mad at her if it happened on her watch (as long as precautions are taken to keep him safe). We are going to do our best to protect him from himself, but that is all we can do. He wants to be home, and I feel that he should be home...he's just going to require a lot of supervision. I am staying at my parents' house now, and we plan on having a visiting nurse or two come in, so I'm sure it will be fun for everyone involved. {#emotions_dlg.lol}

Anyway, that is my update. I would post more on this thread tonight, but I'm really tired...so I'll go for now.



"Heartburn Can Cause Cancer" -- www.ecan.org
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Registered: ‎10-21-2010

I have read off/on Mistri..and admire you greatly for the compassion and care you have for your Dad even though you have resentment I think..for the years and times he/they failed you.

In all honesty..I work in Mental Health for 27 years and the one thing you are going to need to do is to let go of the pain and resentment you feel towards your parents for the wrongs they have done to you. Forgiveness is going to be a great key in how YOU heal..

You speak of how they failed you often in your posts so it is still very much there. I also think having this anonymous outlet is fantastic..especially writing it down.

Meds for depression work just so much..therapy will help just so much..much of it is up to you..how you progress. You need to put a stop to the past interferring in your future. You are a very smart lady and I think you have a bright future ahead of you. Right now you are putting all your energy and time into your Dad and his care and I don't think you would do well if you did not..you need to be there for him..for yourself for him as he is your dad and you love him....that you can do the very thing for him that was not done fo you..and that is a good thing.

Once all is said and done..the one thing you need to do is forgiveness and letting go of the pain and resentment that they failed you - their daughter - in your time of need..and that you never stopped needing them as they are your parents.

Do your parents know of your feelings? I am just wondering if they ever apologized to you..and maybe that is also what you need..that they acknowledge that they failed you when you needed them most? Your emotions are normal and reactions are normal. I think you are more normal then you give yourself credit for.

Keep up the good work!!

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Registered: ‎10-21-2010

Congrats that he is home!

For his safety though I would consider a 'non' locking door knob on there for now..it is in his best interests whether he admits it, likes it etc..as you are correct if he fell and/or passed out how would anybody get in there?

Best of luck tonight in your first night with him home.

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Posts: 19,346
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Mistri, he's showing some spunk which is good. I liked the one where he told you not to be like your mother. It strikes me as his way of saying that no one is perfect but to take it all in stride. I hope you are able to make his days at home comfortable.

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Registered: ‎07-17-2010

Thanks, guys.

My dad was coughing really hard, non-stop last night. My parents both thought they could wait until morning to call the doctor, but I pressed the issue with my mom and she wound up calling his oncologist. His oncologist seemed irritated, and said we should take him to the ER if we were so concerned...and we did.

They re-admitted him. One of his doctors came in today, woke him up and told him the results of the biopsy of the fluid they took from around his lungs. They found cancer there. He said, "oh darn," and went back to sleep. I don't think he'll remember what he was told when he wakes up.

At this point, we do not know if he'll be able to come home or not. We want him to come home for awhile...but if he needs to have fluid drained from around his lungs again, it can't be done in our home. It's possible we may be able to take him home with the understanding that it will likely be the last time he'll be home...unless one of his doctors refers us to hospice. Of course, once that happens, I don't think he will even bother getting out of bed. I think that will be the tipping point, and he will no longer be able to go on pretending that his cancer can be cured.

My mom thanked me today for all of my help. She said she didn't know what they would do without me. That meant a lot. And I think she may be starting to have sympathy for him. This morning, she said she felt sorry for him.

I'm worried about my dad. I want him to come home, at least one more time. The last time he came home from the hospital, the family dog was so excited that she was all over him, whimpering. It had been what he'd been talking about every day in the hospital...going home and seeing the dog. And the dog was so happy to see him that she sounded like she was crying. It was so sweet. I want him to see her again, at least.

I don't know how to feel right now. Quiet sadness is the only way to describe it.



"Heartburn Can Cause Cancer" -- www.ecan.org
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Hi Mistri - Sorry your dad is back in the hospital. So nice to hear the loving reception he got from the doggy. I hope he gets to come home at least one more time.

Quiet sadness is a peaceful place full of reflection of what will never be. I'm so sorry. Let yourself be sad and you'll work through it. Feel your feelings. What will be is what will be. You are such a wonderful caring loving expressive compassionate thoughtful person and your parents are lucky to have such a terrific daughter. I'm sure they know that given how supportive and attentive you've been.

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Update:

My dad was discharged from the hospital today...with oxygen and a nebulizer. He keeps setting off the sensor (we have a motion detector he doesn't know about next to the bed; if he knew about it, we're afraid he might try to sabotage it). I think he may be starting to realize how important it is to have help when he gets up (he isn't steady on his feet at all), but he keeps wanting to sit straight up on the side of the bed, so the motion detector is going off about once every 5 minutes. {#emotions_dlg.bored} I'm tired. I have to stand in line at the post office tomorrow, and I have an appointment to go to. I really hope he settles down after his 4 am breathing treatment. Poor guy. He cannot get comfortable, no matter what he does. {#emotions_dlg.sad}



"Heartburn Can Cause Cancer" -- www.ecan.org
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Posts: 2,620
Registered: ‎05-28-2013

Thanks for the update Mistri. Good thinking putting the motion detector in. Your poor dad -- I really feel for him that he can't get comfortable. I'm sure it means a lot for him to be home. Is the dog with him? How's that going, does it cheer him up?

Sending positive thoughts your way for (((you))) and your (((dad))) and (((mom))). {#emotions_dlg.wub}

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On 4/15/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

Update:

My dad was discharged from the hospital today...with oxygen and a nebulizer. He keeps setting off the sensor (we have a motion detector he doesn't know about next to the bed; if he knew about it, we're afraid he might try to sabotage it). I think he may be starting to realize how important it is to have help when he gets up (he isn't steady on his feet at all), but he keeps wanting to sit straight up on the side of the bed, so the motion detector is going off about once every 5 minutes. {#emotions_dlg.bored} I'm tired. I have to stand in line at the post office tomorrow, and I have an appointment to go to. I really hope he settles down after his 4 am breathing treatment. Poor guy. He cannot get comfortable, no matter what he does. {#emotions_dlg.sad}

I'm curious as to why the doctors haven't brought hospice in, especially since he has the malignant fluid around his lungs? Hospice is not just for the days prior to death. They provide care and compassion for the entire family. Please contact a hospice in your area, he needs them now.

The all-night assistance is often the reason why someone needs to be placed--if you have a job or others to take care of you can't be up all night long with someone who is up all night long. I hate it, but that's how it usually goes. The nebulizer he needs to use is likely keeping him awake, but he has to use it, so that's the trade-off. If you are going to hire aides, please make sure you have someone covering the overnights.