Wellness

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 3/21/2015 YorkieonmyPillow said:

Sorry you are going through all of this.

Unfortunately, the only real help I can offer, is the kind that you don't want.

I don't mind prayers...I'm just not a believer myself.

Thank you anyway, Yorkie!!

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 3/21/2015 terrier3 said:

On 3/21/2015 mistriTsquirrel said:

I feel so utterly out of control of the situations with my mom and brother that I haven't been eating well. I'm scared, I'm depressed and I cannot get a decent night's sleep to save my life. I have nightmares every night...many of them involve my father. I take medications to sleep and I see a counselor.

I feel like I am caught in some sort of crazy nightmare. I feel very alone.

Sorry if this post was a big downer.

The good news is, I got a new car...so that's something.

A LOT of depression is just anger turned inward...and feeling out of control and being unable to effect a situation that is bothering you - in a positive manner.

So my suggestion is to find things you CAN control and focus on them. Getting a new car was a good thing, a great way to pamper yourself...what else can you do and can control? Do you have a pet - a dog you can walk, a cat you can play with? If not, can you get a pet?

Do you exercise regularly? Even something as simple as a 20 minute walk in the sunshine can help.

Can you do some "spring cleaning"??? De-clutter? - paint a wall a bright color? Plant some herbs or annuals? Something where an hour or two of work can produce a pretty cheerful addition to your daily life. Nothing intense that will take a lot of time or energy...just something fun and somewhat distracting.

Maybe go for a long ride in the new car to somewhere you always wanted to explore - a museum, a new shopping center, a street fair.

Do you enjoy watching movies? Reading books? Again something to take your mind off of thoughts of situations you cannot change.

Again, try to choose something that can be done in a few hours...preferably something that involves walking and can somewhat tire you out.

Posting here was a great first step...now come up with something fun and let us know what you decided to do.

Your suggestions are all really good ones!

I've actually been trying to organize some things here. I also have a goal journal I started to write down goals I have--long and short-term--and map out the steps needed to get there. Right now I have a modest goal going: to get rid of one item I don't care about each day (like an item of clothing) or 3-5 items that are generally considered "disposable." I'm also trying to focus on getting at least one thing done each week that I've been putting off. My mother thinks I should sign up for a class, but I fear it will be a waste of money if I cannot concentrate well enough to maintain a single train of thought for very long. I think I need to do more walking to get myself back on track. I don't have a dog--which I think would motivate me to walk more--but my mom does...and I'm sure she would love it if I would wear the dog out by walking her. My parents' poor little doggy has shown a lot of signs of separation anxiety since my dad left and never came home. It's been almost a year, and she still seems traumatized.

[qvc2022]

If you can still love, if you can still express kindness you are needed in this world. If you suffer, and can show others how you persevere despite this, you are needed in this world. Do you have kindness, do you have love to give (to a cat, to a homeless person, to someone online? ) then you are NEEDED. No one suffering is without meaning if you can express love from it

[qvc2022]

Mistri-

Look what a difference you have made even on this forum. Many people expressing care and love due to your being honest and open. You are needed, you have a place in this world.

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 3/21/2015 AuntG said:

Mistri, I'm glad you are back because I was kind of worried after we hadn't read anything in so long. I think you'll have to ignore anyone who thinks you are making these things up. Please share as much as you want-- the good thing about these boards is that we while we don't personally know you, we do care about other posters.

Thanks, AuntG!!

To be honest, my trust in others has taken quite a beating. I'm now of the opinion that you can never be sure that you really know another person.

So I've been kind of reluctant to trust anyone.

The thing is, I'm finding that keeping all of this inside is causing me to be a nervous wreck.

Since I wrote my post on 3/21, a few other things have occurred.

I learned that my nephew has been throwing fits when he is not allowed to wear dresses. He is 6, so I don't know whether this will last or not, but my brother feels a heavy burden of guilt...that maybe his son could be transgender because of him.

My mother told me about a week and a half ago that she feels guilty she had my brother and I, because both of us are miserable. I didn't say anything, because I didn't know what to say to that.

Also, a cousin of mine was admitted to a psychiatric hospital because of a suicide attempt. Her husband found her standing on a chair with a scarf around her neck that was tied to a beam. She has also been struggling with depression for years, and I worry about her, her daughters and her husband.

Anyway...I don't know why my family has been going from one crisis to the next for so long, but it's wearing me out. The other night, I went out with a friend who was in town. I had a few drinks, talked with her, and shared a few laughs with her. I'd forgotten what that felt like. Not long after I came home, I felt sad that it was over. I want to have more time away. I was actually hoping to have a date tonight with a guy from work who has expressed interest. I asked him what he was doing tonight, and he said he wasn't sure. I said, "well, let me know." Before I left I said, "talk to you later," and he said, "yep." He never called. I guess I'm okay with that, because I don't think he and I are really compatible, but I thought it would be fun to get out, you know?

I hope your life is going well, and that you have friends, a doggy, a husband, some kids or somebody else fun to be goofy with. It really takes the edge off, I think.

[mistriTsquirrel]

Thank you, Tuesday, and all of you.

I think I will step away from this thread for awhile; I need some levity.

[mistriTsquirrel]

WTH happened to this thread?

So many of the responses are now gone.

And, somehow, I went from having over 10,000 posts to having about 1600.

I'm disappointed at the changes I see here.

--mistri

[adoreqvc]

Welcome Back Mistri,

I hope and pray you and your dear Mom are feeling a bit better these days.

Everyone has many problems and did not get their complete QVC threads transferred over, and  are also missing their true post status. 

I hope you are feeling better these days, and I also asked QVC also transfer over the delayed grief thread which many of us contributed to through the years.

They did for which I am thankful.

They did also allow new comments which I also requested, but they did not include the entirety of the nformation we had on the original delayed grief thread, resulting in the true posted count also being inaccurate. 

Mistri If you would like to pop in and say a few words in the delayed grief thread which displays under the Wellness category, please do.

I also recently posted new information pertaining to the fact that grief never dies, it always evolves and changes, as humans do, so that too may answer many questions since many of us continue to grieve for as long as we live.......that too was posted on the internet by an individual who is a professional in the grief category, and also remarked that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross also said before she died, that grief continues and her 5 steps to grief were unfortunately taken out of context, and for that she was quite concerned and sorry. (They pertained to the person who was dying, not those they left behind). That is why she and others believed many people grieving became confused when their grief continued and evolved.

It may really help you to go to the Wellness category and click on the delayed grief thread Mistri and read.......and if you feel you can contribute, please do, and btw I check back often when I am not away from home and traveling.

God Bless, and again it is nice to see you back here again Mistri.

[jubilant]

Hi, mistriTsquirrel.  It has been good to see you back.  I have missed your posts and your pictures.  I thought of you today because it is my sister's b-day.  She loves squirrels and has a collection of them. 

I saw this post and I don't really have any new advice.  My first thought was grief therapy as I had to get it at one time in my life and it was a great help to me.  I pray that just knowing people care about what you are going through will bring you comfort and a little relief.   

[mistriTsquirrel]

"Also, a cousin of mine was admitted to a psychiatric hospital because of a suicide attempt. Her husband found her standing on a chair with a scarf around her neck that was tied to a beam. She has also been struggling with depression for years, and I worry about her, her daughters and her husband."

The cousin I spoke of...

Her father killed himself last month.  I had no idea he was so depressed.  When I spoke to him on FB, he seemed fine.  I've been thinking of him quite a bit lately.  I'm keeping in contact with the family over FB to let them know I'm available to help or to listen.  I worry about all of them.

However, I was sickened by what my mother had to say after the memorial.  She kept talking about how horrible she felt for my cousin who lost her dad, ad nauseum.

I asked her if she remembered telling me that I wasn't allowed to cry at my dad's memorial.  I also asked her if she remembered pushing my brother's hand off of my shoulder when he was trying to comfort me (during the service), and giving him a dirty look.  I also asked her how she could care so much about relatives she barely ever sees, but not give a s*** about her own daughter.  She said, "oh, come on!"  I got out of the car and stood with my brother.

Unfortunately, neither one of them seem to want what's best for me.  My brother has made it clear to me that if I leave the area, I will be abandoning our mother.

I am tired of putting my life on hold for people who only see me as a utility.

I'm just about done here. 

Once this house is ready to sell, I don't see any reason to stay.

Wish me luck getting everything done that I need to.