Wellness

[Sagal]

I would definitely find another Dr. It took my Dr. about six months of trying many different combinations until I really stabilized. My mother has Alzheimer's and I needed a combination that could pull me out if depression without getting too hyper.

[JustJules]

Dear Mistri... you are for sure dealing with a lot of issues, many that should not be yours to handle. You can't change history, and you certainly aren't responsible for decisions your parents made. Even if your mom wasn't your dad's "first choice" it does not change the fact that they had you and your brother, and therefore that was a blessing. I know how you feel about religion, but I will tell you that I think you were meant to be! You are a blessing and you definitely have a purpose and a calling in life, and I think you are beginning to discover that path. You can be angry with your dad for sure... and I'm sure he kept lots of things hidden. That is the nature of people... especially parents... to "protect' but eventually it all comes out in the wash. I am discovering things each day, and they don't all make me happy. I wish my daddy had discussed more with me, shared more with me... not tried to shelter me, because now, it makes things so difficult. Every family has it's own issues... I know you have a plethora of emotions... grief will take on many forms, in addition to the other stuff you need to handle. I wish there was something I could do to fix it for you, because I truly understand how painful it is. Just please, hang in there. You are such an intelligent and insightful person, and you are a gift. I know you are hurting right now, suffering in loss and confusion.... it might seem like a bottomless pit, but please keep swimming for the surface. I don't know what else to say other than, I once asked you to hold my hand and we could get through this together. I meant it. I won't bail if you don't... I need you too. ((((((hugs))))))

[fortune]

Hi, Mistri! Thanks so much for letting us know how you're doing! I'm glad things haven't gotten any worse. Maybe you've hit a plateau. When my son died, I got grief counseling. I really needed it, since I still had my other son to take care of. He was 11 at the time. Can you get special dispensation if you ask for grief counseling? I know your sessions are limited.

Don't feel bad about crying. It is a cleansing way to dispel grief. I worry when I can't cry--and there have been times like that. You'll go back to work when you're ready. Maybe you'll have to try it to find out. People (bosses and cooworkers) will be much more caring and thoughtful when they know your situation. I went back to work two weeks after Doug died and people made it so much easier for me.

Can you bring Heidi over to your house for some visits? Maybe you can help each other.

You are so strong to continue to look after your mom. You are much loved by many people, and you have helped so many. I really think that that is your calling in life!

(((((HUGS))))))

[ive been framed]

(((MISTRIgirl)))

It is difficult, no doubt about it. It will be for awhile. The finality of it all is hard to wrap our brains around. Life feels different, but it does go on.

I agree with Jules, too. You are a blessing, and I'll bet there are many people who come to your thread that don't post but are hurting and struggling and who learn so much because of you. That's so comforting... to know there are others who struggle as well, who have so much on their plate and don't know which way is up or where to go, and therefore understand what it can be like.

Going back to a job will be tough for sure. But try to compartmentalize situations if you can. Focus on your job while you are there and when any thought of your loss sneaks into your mind, tell yourself you will set those thoughts and feelings aside until you get home (or even in your car at the end of your shift) then keep busy as possible with something else. Giving yourself a set time and place to 'break down' later lets you do the things that needs done in that moment.

The trick is to learn coping skills during your moments of grief when it's imperative that you need to function for other things. I had to do this sort of thing for a long while.

(((HUGS))) to you and Fortune, too

[Rowdyone]

Run, don't walk to a DIFFERENT DOCTOR. There are no limits to options for help.

Please take disability leave from work if you can and take time to heal. There are new drugs and therapies all the time, so don't give up.

And most of all, stay in touch with a friend, clergy, nurse, SOMEONE, and promise them you will call before you do anything drastic.

IT DOES GET BETTER! But it can take time. Some day this will be a memory, so don't give up.

God bless you and send you peace and healing.

[dooBdoo]

((((((mistriTsquirrel)))))) Just a note to let you know I miss you and you're often in my thoughts and prayers.

[mistriTsquirrel]

Hi guys...

I'm sorry I haven't been here for awhile. I haven't forgotten about you, I just don't feel like the same person I used to be.

In a couple weeks, it will be my parents' anniversary, and the one-year anniversary of my father's cancer diagnosis (same date for both).

I keep thinking to myself, "last year at this time, we thought dad was fine."

It has been about 3 1/2 months since he died.

I'm having a lot of trouble getting through my days...and I often feel like no one around me really "gets" what is wrong with me, with the exception of my therapist.

I cannot get over the permanence of this loss. I will never see my dad again, and I cannot wrap my mind around that.

[lulu2]

nm

[lolakimono]

Mistri,

I know what you mean. My dad was diagnosed with Stage IV on my first day of school. He was gone by March. Back to school time is always depressing, because it always brings back how quickly things can change in a short time.

I would advise you to put your grief into an outlet for change, either by supporting a cause he would have liked or one that you would like. I hope that you're able to spend time with his doggie too. Animals can be great healers.

I wonder if you were able to join a grief group through hospice, or if your mom has been attending. I know you've been keeping your distance.

Are you still thinking about school? A new goal might be something to look forward to, that would keep your interest and focus in a time that seems like nothing positive will happen. I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

Post when you can.

[LTT1]

mistriTsquirrel... (((hugs))) that is so sad! Of course, you continue to grieve and perhaps it comes on slowly or just whacks you upside of the head! I don't think we ever get totally over a loss like that. The only method of coping for me, it seems, is to be so totally wrapped up in my daily career "to-dos" that I push all other thoughts away... that may not be the healthiest way, but it is a way for me. Depression is like an i t c h that you can't scratch. My wish for you is for you to have some peace.