Wellness

[JustJules]

Sweet Mistri... get rest, as much as you can. Your inner warrior squirrel is getting more powerful. My broken heart is with you, please just know you are not alone, you have people that truly understand and care. I know those words don't fix anything..... but hopefully they provide comfort. I am walking this path with you.

[mousiegirl]

I think everyone goes through a depression at one or more times in their lives, some more severe than others. I know you love squirrels, is there a way you could get involved in a wildlife rescue program, specifically tending to baby and/or injured squirrels? It is so important to have a passion for something, and if one follows that passion, it gives one a reason to get up and out.

Now, having just notice the above posts, I understand why you are depressed. I am so sorry for your loss.

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 4/28/2014 misspammie said:

mistri, so very sorry to hear.

misspammie--

It's great to see your name again! I thought maybe the squirrels trying to bust down your door in search of food had made their way in and were holding you captive.

I was actually feeling kind of bad that I told you to feed them pizza.

Anyway, I'm glad you're okay.

Love,

mistri

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 4/26/2014 lolakimono said:

Oh Mistri, I'm sorry for the news. The hospice staff will take good care of him, and see that his final days are pain free. At least you know that he will be "comfortable" and that there will be people around when he passes. We gave my father a stuffed cat, a representation of my kitty, and everyone said that he cuddled that kitty in bed until he passed. It's not uncommon for them to gravitate towards a stuffed animal or favorite quilt as a measure of comfort, even if you think they aren't cognizant of their surroundings. Maybe you can bring him a doggie for his bed. When he died, we sent the stuffed kitty with him for cremation.

I thought of that, actually...but I didn't do it, because whenever I tried to do things like that for Dad, he seemed to think they were silly. I wish I'd done that now...but we did bring the dog to see him the first day he was in the hospice facility. The second day, my brother told me to bring her. When I got there, my brother greeted me in the parking lot and told me that the nurses said Dad was entering the final phase of dying...so I asked my brother to take the dog home, wake up our mom and bring our mom. I didn't leave hospice for a few days, because I wanted to be with dad. I knew I could catch up on sleep later, and I could tolerate greasy hair...and the nurses were kind enough to bring me a toothbrush and paste. I didn't want to leave and learn that he died while I was at home showering or sleeping.

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 4/26/2014 pistolino said:

Mistri, I'm sorry, so sorry. Please do not worry that he will die without you there. They pick their time and who is around. If he wants you to see him go, you will be there and if he doesn't, you will not. It's up to him, know that and don't feel bad if you aren't there.

As it turned out, I was there when he passed.

My mom and I were in and out of sleep as his breathing became labored...almost panicked-sounding.

My dad was in denial about how sick he was, just 7 days earlier. A horrifying thought occurred to me..."he's probably convinced himself that this is all just a very bad dream."

At around 5 in the morning, nurses came in to give him morphine, bathe him and turn him. I left the room to use the bathroom. When I came back, I sat outside the room and talked with one of the nurses and told her of my fears. She tried to comfort me...but I will never believe that he wasn't suffering during those last days. (I could see it in his face, and in the tears he shed.) She told me his pulse was still rapid and gave me the impression he could last another day. She said she would check back to see if he was still groaning in a half hour or so. He was. She asked if I thought she should give him Ativan, and I said yes.

I was lying on a cot listening to him breathe when I fell asleep. My brother came in around 7:30 and shook me awake. "How long has Dad been like this?" he asked. I got up and saw my dad lying there--his face frozen--and said, "get the nurse." He was dead.

He died with my mother and I in the room. Neither of us were holding his hand, but I think he probably knew we were there.

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 4/26/2014 Deb1010again said:

Hi Mistri - I'm searching for the right words but can not find them. You are such a devoted compassionate and empathetic person. Your dad is so lucky to have you. I am continually struck by how you are able to keep your wits about you and really be there not only for your dad, but every other member of your family. You are one strong lady.

I hope your dad doesn't suffer too much. He has really been thru it all. I like Pistolino's idea of the stuffed kitty. Since he loved his dog so much.

Take good care and try to remember the good times as you reflect on his life. This is something we all go through at one time or another. But few are as dedicated as you.

Please continue to keep us posted as you feel appropriate.

Thanks, Deb. I believe that whatever strength I have is due to the fact that I relentlessly pursued help for my mental illness, and tried to make myself better psychologically.

One thing I have learned over the past year is what a difference that makes. People I used to think were stronger than I have shown that they aren't.

All of that "wasted time" spent in therapy, etc. wasn't actually wasted time.

[mistriTsquirrel]

Once again, I'm going to step away for awhile, and come back later.

Thank you all for your kindness, suggestions and wishes for comfort.

Love,

mistri

[JustJules]

Mistri, I type this with tears streaming down my face. You were there with your dad, and he was aware of it, trust me. He had comfort with the time you spent with him. I happened to be with my dad also, but holding his hand in those last couple hours.... and it seemed like he was just hanging on for me when he wanted to go. I knew his time was coming, but it was painful to watch his breathing get more labored. I finally just kissed him and held him and told him it was okay to go be with my mom, and it was only a few short minutes later he passed. It was not pretty to watch. I think our loved ones want us to be away at that moment, but I wasn't around for my mother's death, and it would have been more for me to bear if after all the time I spent caring for my daddy, I wasn't there with him. I actually found more peace viewing him one final time at the mortuary before he was cremated....he actually looked peaceful, and that is how I prefer to remember him.

You were there for your father, he knew it, and that is what matters. He was aware of your presence, your love, your comfort.... you allowed him to move on without being alone. There is no proper way to lose a loved one, especially a parent you cherish..... you did so much for him, and I am sure he was so proud and thankful for you. ((((hugs))))

[Deb1010again]

On 5/6/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 4/26/2014 Deb1010again said:

Hi Mistri - I'm searching for the right words but can not find them. You are such a devoted compassionate and empathetic person. Your dad is so lucky to have you. I am continually struck by how you are able to keep your wits about you and really be there not only for your dad, but every other member of your family. You are one strong lady.

I hope your dad doesn't suffer too much. He has really been thru it all. I like Pistolino's idea of the stuffed kitty. Since he loved his dog so much.

Take good care and try to remember the good times as you reflect on his life. This is something we all go through at one time or another. But few are as dedicated as you.

Please continue to keep us posted as you feel appropriate.

Thanks, Deb. I believe that whatever strength I have is due to the fact that I relentlessly pursued help for my mental illness, and tried to make myself better psychologically.

One thing I have learned over the past year is what a difference that makes. People I used to think were stronger than I have shown that they aren't.

All of that "wasted time" spent in therapy, etc. wasn't actually wasted time.

(((Mistri))) , You have done great work on your mental illness and made significant strides in this past year. You have been so strong for your ENTIRE family and really guided everyone. I don't know what they would've done without you. You have a lot to be proud of as you reflect back on this time.

Please be gentle with yourself and I hope you've gotten some rest. How is your mom handling all of this (if you don't mind me asking)? Is she processing everything and taking care of herself? I hope so.

As always, please keep us posted on your feelings and progress. You can see how many people you have touched with your story.

[CouponQueen]

Thinking of you MistrisS..