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Hi everyone
. I thought I would check in. I was so touched to see that you were thinking about me. I am doing the best I can. Regardless of how we get along with our partner or spouse, experiencing his/ her death is something that I can't really explain. The depth of heartache, anxiety, regret, panic, denial and loss is like nothing I could have ever imagined. I'm so, so sad that he's not here to enjoy all the things that he loved- the weather, the water, diving, his friends, the pool, the yard work, his home. His loss is senseless to me and its hard to comprehend this thing we call life. He should have lived many years beyond the 63 he had. When I think of his last day and he was told he was dying, I can't imagine what he thought and how he felt. When I think of it I feel sick to my stomach. And, reactions to Dennis'' death from alleged friends who don't contact me anymore to people who have actually said to me, You've lost weight, it really looks good, it's too bad the way it happened but you look good! W T F and I wasnt heavy to begin with. But, anyway, I am going to a counselor, on an antidepressant and trying to take it a day at a time. I have ok days, some better days and days where I just cry and cry. I know it's all part of the grieving process, blah, blah, blah, I had to get an attorney in NJ because the pension still hasn't given me his monthly check. They want his divorce judgements and other crazy stuff. So many things unsettled and that I had no idea would be a problem. Grief is an emotionally and physically devastating assault on your body. On a more positive side, I met a woman whose husband died 10 days before Dennis. (That's not the brighter side) He was an infectious disease doctor in town. He had a lung disease and finally got called for a lung transplant. He died a couple of weeks after the operation from a heart embolism. So she and I are helping each other. And while I have been disappointed in so many people, there are people who have become friends that I never expected. My neighbor who has lived next to us for barely a year has become my angel-and I hate the cliche- but she calls me, texts me, every day, invites me over for dinner, calls me to run to the store with her, have a glass of wine, So there are some very good, kind, decent, caring people in this world -- like all of you!. ??Diana
. I thought I would check in. I was so touched to see that you were thinking about me. I am doing the best I can. Regardless of how we get along with our partner or spouse, experiencing his/ her death is something that I can't really explain. The depth of heartache, anxiety, regret, panic, denial and loss is like nothing I could have ever imagined. I'm so, so sad that he's not here to enjoy all the things that he loved- the weather, the water, diving, his friends, the pool, the yard work, his home. His loss is senseless to me and its hard to comprehend this thing we call life. He should have lived many years beyond the 63 he had. When I think of his last day and he was told he was dying, I can't imagine what he thought and how he felt. When I think of it I feel sick to my stomach. And, reactions to Dennis'' death from alleged friends who don't contact me anymore to people who have actually said to me, You've lost weight, it really looks good, it's too bad the way it happened but you look good! W T F and I wasnt heavy to begin with. But, anyway, I am going to a counselor, on an antidepressant and trying to take it a day at a time. I have ok days, some better days and days where I just cry and cry. I know it's all part of the grieving process, blah, blah, blah, I had to get an attorney in NJ because the pension still hasn't given me his monthly check. They want his divorce judgements and other crazy stuff. So many things unsettled and that I had no idea would be a problem. Grief is an emotionally and physically devastating assault on your body. On a more positive side, I met a woman whose husband died 10 days before Dennis. (That's not the brighter side) He was an infectious disease doctor in town. He had a lung disease and finally got called for a lung transplant. He died a couple of weeks after the operation from a heart embolism. So she and I are helping each other. And while I have been disappointed in so many people, there are people who have become friends that I never expected. My neighbor who has lived next to us for barely a year has become my angel-and I hate the cliche- but she calls me, texts me, every day, invites me over for dinner, calls me to run to the store with her, have a glass of wine, So there are some very good, kind, decent, caring people in this world -- like all of you!. ??Diana
F1, you could have caused some serious damage with your fall. Glad your OK. Don't beat yourself up over recommending immune boosters. You would think they would help during chemo but they actually can interfere with it. they can lessen the effect of the chemo. Hmm gets you thinking.
Please tell me what I am doing up so early in the morning?? It's nuts.
Jxx
The melons saved me. 
Immune boosting foods can interfere with "chemo"? Now is this all types of CA treatment or only traditional chemo? I ask this because, as you know it's my little pet peeve, some still refer to any type of CA treatment as chemo...and assume the same side effects will take place. I guess it's always safe to ask your oncologist or better yet, your oncology nurses.
BTW, I haven't been to bed yet. My internal clock is beyond messed up. I'm still sleeping all the time. I hate this!!
F1---omg, how you make me laugh!! Not about you falling but the "casabas of life" that saved you.
And I knew you were stating good info about the supplements/food. I was told not to take the pill form of any anti oxidants while going thru radiation but I could EAT them in the natural form which I did. I still eat them everyday as you do, in my smoothies except for the garlic. During chemo, I was told to stay away from anything fresh that I didn't clean and wash myself, due to the many hands of other people touching it. There may have been a few things I was told not to take but that is a distant memory.
Diana---so good to hear from you!!! You sound....ok! And sounds like you are slowly managing day by day. That is what it's all about. So glad you are seeing your therapist and taking our good friend, anti-D
---keep it up. And bless your next door neighbor---and also the woman who lost her hubby before you did. These are the people that will lift you up and you will do the same for them even if you don't realize it. And as for the "friends " who are not so much anymore---forget them!! We all went thru that too. Not worth fretting over. Keep in touch!! I think about you every day!!!
PAM
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