Q Talk

[Imaoldhippie]

How long as it been since your husbands passing?  I have heard from numerous people that it takes at least a year.  One has to go through all the holidays and birthdays and other special events.

Grief is different for everyone.  A trip to your doctor might help, he/she can give you an antidepressant to help.

So sorry about your husbands passing.  

[roeroe1005]

I agree with joining a grief support group.  You may want to check with your local hospital or funeral home.  I joined one after my SO passed from complications of diabetes.  I found it very helpful to be around people who were in various stages of their pain, as I was.  I remember reading a book called "I'm Grieving as Fast as I Can" and found it helpful.

Volunteering, maybe getting a small part time job, anything to force you to get out of bed would help once you are ready.

Unfortunately you have to create your "new normal".

[LillyandHobo]

I am so sorry for your loss. I can 't imagine your lonliness and possibly fear you might be experiencing. The only thing I can  comment on was a major illness I experienced about 7 years ago. I went into cardiac arrest I had the type that not many survive. I became very, very depressed. I was home alone a lot! My husband had to go back to work. No choice. I was alone many, many hours a day I felt isolated, abandoned and helpless at times  After 2 years of deep depression my MIL died, 1 yr later my SIL died and then 4 months later my mom died. I needed something to refocus some of my thoughts on. I know it sounds very simplisitic but I got a cat. It gave me something to care for, to be responsible for , something to cuddle with, to sit in my lap and keep me company. It helped me tremendously.  I am not sure if you have family close, if a pet would be an option. ...Joining a walking group, an online support group,  I know of people that have joined groups for helping with grief.  The Pandemic has not helped as far as social interaction. I am very sad for you and I pray you find some hapiness. Please let us all know how you're doing. Blessings~....Sometimes I don't verbalize things well. Please don't think I am comparing myself to your situation or minimalizing your loss. Just trying to help~

[NicksmomESQ]

  Losing a loved one is very difficult. You must take the time to grieve at your own pace. Some people rebound slower than others. That's okay. It's your pain & you get to deal with it your way.
   If you need to cry then do so. Lean on family & friends who want to help. Your DH will live in your heart forever. Your life will be different. But hopefully, you'll be able to find peace & joy again.
   My heart goes out to you💐.

[ThinkingOutLoud]

First, I'm sorry for your loss.

A few suggestions:

~ begin and end your day with gratitude (keep a journal handy and write down anything, big or small)

~ find ways to help others (ie send an email/letter to someone every day and tell them what you like/admire/appreciate about them, paint rocks and leave them around for people to find)

~ work on a hobby that you would give the results of to someone else (ie tie a fleece blanket and give it to a new mom)

~ get into genealogy

~ keep a running list of things to look forward to (ie new tv show, new book being release, purchase arriving in the mail, etc)

{hugs}

[IamMrsG]

@ThinkingOutLoud   Your nickname is well chosen. 

[ThinkingOutLoud]

Oh, something else - don't underestimate the power of good music. Turn up your favorite tunes.

[IamMrsG]

My DH of 48 years died two years ago.  After all the supporting family returned to their own homes and lives, after the noise and chaos settled, I realized for the first time what being alone was going to mean.  It means one fork to wash.  It means going to bed at night and realizing you haven’t heard a human voice, including your own, all day.

Then the pandemic came.  During my DH’s illness, I developed a heart condition.  Because of it, my doctors ordered me into my own shutdown–full quarantine.  From March 2020 to just this month, I have not had a human touch.  Just last week, our 50th Wedding Anniversary came round.  Had it not been for the vaccinations, it would have been a Very Bad Day; however, our young granddaughter amazingly chose that very day for her first sleep-over at Grandma’s in more than a year.  I do not believe in coincidence.  

I tell you this so that you’ll understand that I understand.  A loved one just asked me what this past year has been like for me.  I had been thinking somewhat along those lines, but more like, “what this last year has done for me.”  While there were several bouts of loneliness, overall there has been good come from it.  During DH’s illness there was a lot of time on High Alert, so I’ve had time to calm down and settle back into being myself.  It’s an ongoing process, but I’m learning to be independent. I’m learning I am able, that I can do for myself.  

I am truly sorry for your loss. Grieving takes a lot of time and there is no single right way to do it.  If it helps at all, I can offer this small bit of perspective I’m trying to live by:  By surviving well, I honor my husband.  Fumbling, stumbling, crumbling is not the way for him to rest in peace.  

God Bless You, @BeccaLou.   

[Miss Pepsi]

First and foremost I am sorry for your loss.  

I asked a friend of mine  that very question this morning.  I lost my husband quiete suddenly last September after 40 years of marriage.  We were 16 days shy of retirement.

I am not handling being alone very well, I will tell you that.  I do have good friends that call, email, and or text every day.  Facebook has been my salvation.  I know some would doubt that but I have select groups I belong too and I don't get involved in politics or anything.

I cry every day, sometimes ALL day.  People tell me I am strong.  I am not, I don't honestly know how people get through this.  

I do go for a walk every day.  Not far and not fast but I do get outside and walk.  

My eyes hurt, my nose hurts and my face hurts from crying and I often wonder if it will ever end.  

I find it bizarre what triggers me into being a mess.  I hate going to bed alone, I hate waking up alone.

a coworker of my daughters in lieu of flowers paid for the adoption of a kitty.  She knew I wanted one.  She was good with that as long as I got one from a rescue.  I picked what I think is perfect kitty and I love her and at least there is life in the house.  She is a snuggler which is nice.  I talk to her all the time about my husband. 

I have some people that say I should be "Over it" by now.  I don't contact them much any more because as you know, unless you have lived this nightmare you don;t totally understand. 

I wish I had answers for you, I wish you peace, and I just wanted you to know, you are not alone.  

[mosky]

A few years ago,my neighbor lost her husband.I saw her right after,she was numb.About three months later,I saw her in the neighborhood,and we took a walk togetcher. She told me she got up every day and had a place to go or found a way to keep on the move.She asked me if I thought it was wrong to keek so busy.Itold her that I felt,if it helped her get by,it was right.She was so disrought,asking me,and I assured her she was doing the right thing. I never forgot our walk.