Serious question or thought...
Do you think the hosts have to start anti-anxiety medication in May so that by, say, October, when they've been selling Christmas in July stuff for 5 months already, they can keep up the Happy Happy Joy Joy until the big day?!?!??!?
Here.....We....Go....!!!
Extraordinary Offerings Incoming!!!!
1) Resin statues in garish colors...pigeon toes turned in, sly smile, eyes that follow you across the room as if they know some scandalous secret about you....weatherproof!!! ( for one season at least....) 10 "D" batteries each...Timer for 6 hours a night or until your liqour runs out...
2) 1000 dollar color changing Christmas Trees with 10,000 lights and easy On/Off Foot pedal and 100 function remote. Using 10 "D" batteries.....!!!Buy one for your foyer and at least one for each kids room!!!
3) Red Truck motifs and Snoopy Throws.....you know...the stuff only a 85 year old "remembers" from thier youth....no kid today has ANY IDEA what a "red truck" signifies...
4) 500 ball count of Lindt chocolate in 20 different made up flavors...they all taste about the same...but the wrappers are NEW for 2024!!
5) Whole Christmas Dinners by Corky's, Rastelli's, Kansas City .....giant piece of grisltly meat, sides made of five cents worth of spinach or elbow noodles for 99.00 ( less than 100 dollars!!!!) and some kind of spud mystery made of potato culls and covered in some kind of mystery "sauce"....Delicious....buy the whole meal for 250 bucks!!!!
6) Green Head Lobsters.....apply for loan at QVC.com. Available on 30 easy pays. Pay tomorrow for what you ...well, you know...in the toilet.....
7) Gag Gifts for your Gift Closet!!!! PooPouri....Throws by the dozen....glittery stuff by Valerie and of course...new and exciting stuff from KG coming this fall....( have a feeling it'll be glittery, gnomy, garlandy or color changing....take your pick!!!)
8) Speaking of "picks"....over priced plastic fake greenery to put in your Christmas Tree just so !!! Make it look SO old timey!!!
9) Heating pads....Slippers....and ...wait for it....PAJAMAS by the tractor trailer load....matchy matchy for Christmas morning pix with the family!!! ( If Dad has come home from Christmas eve with his young girlfriend and if Mom has sobered up!!!)
10 )Last but not least.......drum roll.....CABIN SOCKS!!!! The horrible polyester knee highs that make your feet sweat and completely un-bond first washing.... but they DO have 'grippies" so you won't break your neck on the way to the oven to take out the Rastelli Roast Gristle and Sides made of wallpaper paste.
Think of the time you can spend with your family while this delictious glop cooks!!!