(This post is meant simply as a silly spoof. It’s a rainy day and I’m kind of bored and taking a break. I do not mean to offend, or for heaven’s sake, cause a ruckus! )
(Picture this!) You’re walking your little lap dog sporting a crisp white shirt, your new Women With Control pants, a Dooney bag, and a carefully selected Judith suite including 5 bangles when you run into a neighbor who asks if your handbag is a knock off and if your jewelry came from Kohl’s!! An altercation ensues and you’ve lost Control, your shirt is no longer crisp and your little dog is hysterical. Also, the neighbor hasn’t been seen since.
You have a Dyson in every closet and therefore the one that came today is now in the garage having been designated the “shop vac”; but not to worry – you bought more and saved $21 AND CHANGE and got easy pay.
You finally have achieved something on your bucket list – you’ve been contacted to be a guest in the kitchen with David! Oh my stars and stripes! However, you became confused at the final audition and fell during the HAPPY DANCE and were eliminated!
You change your kitchen décor more than Sandra Lee of Food Network fame in order to use all your Kitchen Aid mixers in fashion colors!
DISH Network called offering you a deal of a lifetime – they suggest you take your subscription down to only include the “Q” station thereby saving you enough money to allow for 5 more easy pays monthly.
You have so many Dell’s it takes you a week to load antivirus updates.
You made more testimonial calls trying to talk to a host last week than you made to your family.
You know not only the names and birthdays of all hosts’ kids but also know the names of their pets.
Last time you had a dozen guests over for a party, you lined up your Keurig’s so each could brew his own simultaneously but problems erupted when you ran out of K cups! How does that even happen?
You have learned that when you return an item, you prepare the package, take the Q’s prepaid return label which will charge you at least $6.95 AND your own return label; then have the postmaster weigh the item and low and behold it only costs you $3.72 if you use your own label and pay yourself thereby leaving you $3.00 AND CHANGE! More stars and stripes!
You really prefer not to leave home because you don’t know how the use the QVC everywhere app on your smart phone.
You have all their skincare products, still have dark circles, an 11 on your forehead and dark spots on your hands. What did you learn here? So do some of the hosts – therefore my question is WHY!!!!????HMMMMM!
You use your pantry to store your $400 handbags because remember the closets are full of Dysons!
Your house has an interior moisture problem. AC can’t keep up. You call the AC repair guy and (you know what’s coming) he informs you that your liquid knit is evaporating causing the problem. Yeah, this one is bad I know!
And finally, even though you use your trusty Excel spreadsheet to track your easy pays and auto deliveries, you have become confused and had to call in your accountant. He informs you of your worst nightmare – your easy pays have morphed into HARD PAYS and your monthly payments are now more than you make! Literally! Redonkulous! Oh my stars and stripes!
Hope this brought a little humor “ON THE DAY”!!!! Feel free to add your own!
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