Should I tell him or not? - Page 2

January121 · ‎03-21-2010

@Drythe wrote:
@hyacinth003

It it was so kind of you to give Buddy a home, it sounds as though you gave it a really good try.

I’m a firm believer in always telling the truth.

But, this hits close to home. My Dad will be 91 in March. He still lives in his own home, and cares for a small dog he adores.

Were I in your situation, I would not tell him unless it became absolutely necessary. I just could not give him that much pain. In my family our furry pets are children and the pain of loss is awful. My first inclination would be to protect him.

Many may think I’m wrong, but that is my opinion.

@Drythe ..... I agree with you 100% ..... there is no reason to give the dad any unnecessary pain by telling him the dog is gone ... what good would it do? ..... if, by chance, he asks about the dog I would just tell him he’s doing OK.

Katcat1 · ‎07-21-2011

@hyacinth003 Find out the policy of the nursing home and pets. Otherwise, I would lie to your dad to spare his feelings. I would hate to see him get upset. You did the humane thing. You can usually tell when it's time for the pet to be put down as they are acting strangely and are losing weight.

kindness is strength

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

This is a no brainer, just tell your dad a half-lie. Tell him Buddy passed away peacefully in his sleep. There's no need to tell him how miserable Buddy was with you or how sick he was.

Scooby Doo · ‎03-14-2010

I'm usually an advocate for the honesty policy, but I think this time would be an exception. Given you father's age and physical condition, I would not tell him. He may be too fragile and could go into a depression. There's really no need for him to know anyway because he's not going back home to the dog and doesn't have an expectation to see him again. I wouldn't offer information either way and let him assume that all is well, unless he specifically asks.

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

Doesn't sound as though he was very attached to the dog if he hasn't asked that he be brought for a visit when he knows other dogs have been there. Perhaps he has forgotten about the dog?

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment

KathyM23 · ‎11-20-2010

I would not tell your Dad about Buddy unless he specifically asks. I think he is not asking about Buddy because he may believe Buddy is happy, loved and content and therefore your Dad is satisfied. Since you have had Buddy for 2 years and your Dad is 91 and has not asking about Buddy, he may not even realize Buddy had not already passed and accepted that in his mind. It all depends on his mental abililty or decline. His mind may be thinking more in the past when Buddy was young and healthy and that it was many years ago. if he still thinks of him at all. It all depends on where he is memory wise. As we age, time seems to morph between the past and the present. I have seen this happen with my mother.

If your Dad still thlinks of Buddy as he was, do not add to his troubles. This is not a lie, it is protecting your Dad's memories and not adding depressing news to his already challenging circumstances.

Best of luck to you. It is hard managing an aging parent and you certainly have his best interests at heart. Do not trouble yourself with this sad situation. Your Dad does not mention Buddy for a reason; therefore, I think you should not either.

If for some reason your Dad shoud start asking about Buddy, you could at that time say he died peacefully in his sleep.

geezerette · ‎03-16-2010

I agree with @KathyM23. Given the situation you describe, I would not volunteer the information until and unless your father asks. And if that happens, I would say he passed peacefully. If you think the subject might come up with your brother, I would give him a heads-up that you are not informing your father unless he asks.

Bless you for taking in the little guy to begin with. You gave him a good home for his final days. It’s rough trying to deal with aging parents and all that entails. The world would be a better place if there were more people willing to step up like you have.

Bird mama · ‎03-12-2010

@hyacinth003 I would make sure that everyone in the family was on the same page. And that page would be - don't say a word about the dog passing away.

You did your best and it sounds like the little one was ready to go.

Should your dad asked about the dog, I'd say, well you know, he's slowing down dad.

There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise