Mom to Mom

[violann]

I guess I just couldn't get a grip on what you meant by your original post. As long as my kids are self sufficient and happy, I don't care about what they make, or whether it's more or less than what we made as wage earners. I also didn't get the specific point of why you thought that was the reason for your daughter's treatment of you. But as has been mentioned several times, the internet is not always a friendly place.

[Sooner]

Judging from the OP's first posts, I think that perhaps that person needs to seek support from somewhere locally and not in an internet environment. I am thinking this forum isn't what you will benefit from.

[Fitzallen]

To the OP:

The Internet can be a wonderful place to get advice and support. It can also be a vicious outlet for many people. I find the QVC boards at times, really, really fun and nice....and at other times, really, really nasty. For some reason, and I think its just human nature, you can get 50 kind responses and one nasty one and that nasty one is the one that sticks in your craw all day long. Maybe that isn't true for all but it can be for me at times. That said, I can get angry myself and post in response to that as well.

As others have said, the Internet in general, and imho, this place in particular, is not necessarily the place you want to post if you want to avoid some very blunt comments. Some are trying to be helpful and are just being honest. I think there are even a few people though who enjoy the attack or at least, the snarky remarks. From what I've seen, these people post regularly and even sort of post to each other within other people's threads, laying on the nastiness in layers. Like a high school clique.

I think if you want to post, you have to either figure out a way to let things roll off (not easy, I know), or, come back swinging. Not that the latter would do any good..it might make you feel better for a minute or so. If that isn't something you want to do, I get that.

The Internet provides "courage" (perhaps it should actually be called nerve) because its anonymous. I can almost guarantee that most of the people who lash out would never have the courage to do so in person. I post on a lot of political boards with brazen honesty but when I'm with friends and family, I almost never engage in political talk. Why? Because they matter too much to fight with them and I know we wouldn't agree. People I spar with on the Internet are in the same boat as me, all is fair if you can see what I mean.

But I realize you weren't here for the fight. You wanted help. Unfortunately, the rules are the same on the Internet no matter what you are looking for. The one thing to do is try to not take it personally. And don't be afraid. The people here don't know you, aren't invested in you personally, nor are you with them, even though you might keep them in your prayers. Some will offer kind support. Those that don't, are not worthy of your fears and aren't your friends.

Stay brave.

[depglass]

Call your county health department and ask for counseling. Or your city, depending where you live. I'm sure they can come up with some group setting for you with people in your own situation that normally will be supporting, or at least point out issues gently. Fees for this depend on income and often are free.

[Moonchilde]

The definition of "nasty", "mean", "bully", etc. is up to the individual. Just because all responses are not supportive, kind and loving does not make them "bad" responses. Posters on internet forums who post to receive, and expect to receive, only totally positive responses, will have to deal with all responses whether they like it or not. And they don't get to say "no 'nasty' responses, you meanies!" on a public forum. Well, they literally CAN say it, but it doesn't do great things for their future credibility.

[KJPA]

On 9/18/2014 moonchilde said: The definition of "nasty", "mean", "bully", etc. is up to the individual. Just because all responses are not supportive, kind and loving does not make them "bad" responses. Posters on internet forums who post to receive, and expect to receive, only totally positive responses, will have to deal with all responses whether they like it or not. And they don't get to say "no 'nasty' responses, you meanies!" on a public forum. Well, they literally CAN say it, but it doesn't do great things for their future credibility.

To a certain point you are correct. The definition is up to the individual. But in a civilized society there are comments that really are not nice and most people know better than to go there, in public at least. Posters that cross that line on these forums most likely know they are doing it and either are just mean-spirited or trying to prove a point. They should be warned by the moderators.

I've said this before, if you (any poster) would not say it to someone's face you should not say it on the boards either. You can give your opinions to anyone but if you say them in a hurtful way you should not be allowed to continue to do that.

[KJPA]

Example of difference between two negative responses to a question. Which would you honestly prefer?

Does this outfit make me look fat?

It's not the best style for you. Have you tried such and such a style? I have the same body shape and I think it works really well for me.

Yes, you look like a whale. Why not just wear a bag? It would look better than such and such a style. Anybody who thinks this is stylish needs their head examined.

Can anybody honestly say they don't see a difference between the two answers?

[kristan]

[ChynnaBlue]

On 9/18/2014 KJPA said:

On 9/18/2014 moonchilde said: The definition of "nasty", "mean", "bully", etc. is up to the individual. Just because all responses are not supportive, kind and loving does not make them "bad" responses. Posters on internet forums who post to receive, and expect to receive, only totally positive responses, will have to deal with all responses whether they like it or not. And they don't get to say "no 'nasty' responses, you meanies!" on a public forum. Well, they literally CAN say it, but it doesn't do great things for their future credibility.

To a certain point you are correct. The definition is up to the individual. But in a civilized society there are comments that really are not nice and most people know better than to go there, in public at least. Posters that cross that line on these forums most likely know they are doing it and either are just mean-spirited or trying to prove a point. They should be warned by the moderators.

I've said this before, if you (any poster) would not say it to someone's face you should not say it on the boards either. You can give your opinions to anyone but if you say them in a hurtful way you should not be allowed to continue to do that.

I tend to agree with you, but does it even matter how responses are phrased once someone has declared she has no intention of reading the responses?

The OP has 5 posts total in a few days and 4 of those are threads she herself has started and not replied in afterward. That's enough to make it a pattern of behavior. She starts up drama, then walks away and starts more in a new thread. The only post she replied to was a post from months ago that she resurrected herself - a parenting post that was as controversial as her own posts.

She's not being treated with respect, but she's not done anything to show respect for others, either. Respect works both ways.

I think there's something strange about this whole thing.

[qvcaddition]

I really understand what you mean, and you cannot express feeling about real personal stuff on these posts. I did years ago and some read it wrong and some just want to be mean because they hate themselves.

Now I try to stay generic. I am 78, and know what that 70 mom is going through, but would not pour my heart out on these posts. There are nice people and nice responces, but more than not they turn on you. They also read some stuff that you are writing wrong, because the writing has no emotions, so can be misread. Stick to shallow stuff and find a friend to talk to in the flesh.