Mom to Mom

[Nataliesgramma]

There is a little girl in my Granddaughter's preschool that can't keep her hands off the other children. She took My granddaughter's bow out of her hair while she was hanging up her coat yesterday. If the other girls have a design on their tops....she stands there trying to pick it off. She also wants to play with their hair or take off their shoes.

My daughter told Natalie to tell the little girl  forcefully... to "stop touching me" and tell the teacher. That has helped, but now Alexandria is 'touching' Ava and she was crying to her Mom that she doesn't want to go to Preschool anymore because Alexandria keeps 'touching' her.

Ava's mom had a talk with the teacher yesterday and told my daughter that the Teacher said that she has had 'several complaints' about the 'touching' from other parents.

I saw how she touches the others yesterday with my own eyes because it was "Grandparent's Day"

The parents don't seem to think it's a problem...I don't know how the Teacher is going to handle it..

[violann]

How many in the class and what age? There are zillions of ways to teach "keep your hands to yourself" without stigmatizing a little one who doesn't know better.

I would never tell a parent that I had received comments about another child, and I'd be troubled as a parent to know that my child was discussed with other parents.

Focusing attention on negative behavior is rarely a successful child management strategy. Emphasizing the desired behavior in other members of the group and using THEM as models rather than the miscreant is more likely to encourage positive behavioral changes. 

Without knowing anything more than you've related, as a teacher I'd have more concern about why the little girl is acting as she does, and how I could help her learn to interact with other children without invading their personal spaces.

[Mominohio]

I think the positive type of modeling for avoiding unwanted behavior only goes so far. Even with young children, at some point, discipline or removal from the situation has to be brought in when they don't understand or conform to the rules.

It seems kids today have so many more 'issues' than in my day, with all kinds of conditions and syndromes that weren't understood back in the day. So perhaps this child has need of a diagnosis and the help that comes with it. 

But the bottom line is that in my opinion, the entire class should never suffer because one child has an issue or behavior problem especially when it involves their personal body and space being violated.

And I would applaud the teacher for being honest that my child wasn't the only one experiencing this. It would help me to understand that my child wasn't being singled out by this student, and that she seems to have a bigger problem. It would allow me to be more understanding and think the girl needed help.

[NicksmomESQ]

 @Nataliesgramma The teacher doesn't appear able to control the child's behavior.At this point I would go over the teachers head & go to the principal/ administration.When my son was in school there were times when going to parents directly or to teachers didn't solve the problem.I escalated it to the principal.It worked very time.My son was even told on more than one occasion by teachers that he was lucky to have an advocate in me

[qualitygal]

I'd have her wear a whistle around her neck and everytime that little girl touches her, she blows it as hard as she can. Have your daughter tell the principal they see no other way. The school should be tending to this. They need to talk to the girl and her parents and say, keep your hands to yourself. Honestly, what happened to making children mind?

[Nataliesgramma]

The ages are 4-5 yrs olds in a class of 18.

I didn't think the little girl was doing all the touching to be mean. There is something going on with her though and I feel a little sorry for her, but when 2 of the other little girls come home in tears because it bothers them so much....something needs to be done.

[violann]

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@Mominohio wrote:

I think the positive type of modeling for avoiding unwanted behavior only goes so far. Even with young children, at some point, discipline or removal from the situation has to be brought in when they don't understand or conform to the rules.

It seems kids today have so many more 'issues' than in my day, with all kinds of conditions and syndromes that weren't understood back in the day. So perhaps this child has need of a diagnosis and the help that comes with it. 

But the bottom line is that in my opinion, the entire class should never suffer because one child has an issue or behavior problem especially when it involves their personal body and space being violated.

And I would applaud the teacher for being honest that my child wasn't the only one experiencing this. It would help me to understand that my child wasn't being singled out by this student, and that she seems to have a bigger problem. It would allow me to be more understanding and think the girl needed help.

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I couldn't agree more that "the class shouldn't suffer", but "modeling" is only a small part of changing behaviors in preschool. Structuring the class environment to support not touching is not rocket science and teaching all the children where hands belong is a major part of getting along. 

I'm not sure I understand why it's helpful to any of the children to inform parents of complaints from other parents. 

Classroom attention to issues is a very useful way to determine whether children need "diagnosis". A child who has received instruction in a social skills area and is unable ( for whatever reason) to conform may need some sort of evaluation and the objective observations of an astute teacher can be an excellent starting point. 

[Nataliesgramma]

@violann I think the reason it was mentioned because the parent thought their child was being picked on or bullied by the girl.....

[Sweet_Serenity]

Proud Grandmother weighing in..child in question like many children today are not prepared at home by the parents. Son & DDIl GC pre pre school of course having each other learned to get along. So proud each child behavior outstanding. Ethan 7 even won award for setting example leadership. Firm believer, Most case scenarios starts at home. Entire subject; could be debated until infinitum.

[dex]

Might be that the little girl needs extra attention and focus on her.She could be an only child and is feeling less important in the group setting.I would tell her that the other children feel uncomfortable when she touches them and that she has to learn to keep her hands to herself. I would ask her why she touches the other children and ask her if she knows they don't like it.i would tell her that if she wants to make friends she must stop making them feel uncomfortable.I think this little girl is just uncomfortable herself.She needs to be shown other ways to get the attention of the children she wants to befriend.