Mom to Mom

[Ibby114]

You've got to let them fly - they need to become their own person!! Don't let worrying about next year impact the time you have together now though. One day at a time!

[Dusty1]

What are you interested in? Now would be a good time to take some cooking classes, cake decorating, crochet, knitting, jewelry making, sewing...With your husband/man friend/sister/cousin whomever you can or by yourself. When my daughter started driving & didn't need me around as much I knew I needed to do something. I was the Mom that was always available to drive her & her friends to school/social things & I loved it, but I knew that they weren't going to need me around nearly as much. So start thinking about what you want to do. Paint/redecorate your house? Landscape? Just anything that you enjoy. She will be great!

[Suzeecat]

Put it in perspective perhaps thinking back to other times you wondered "how will I do this?" and how you made it through those times. Do you remember being nervous about becoming a mother and how you were going to raise a child? Do you have more than one child and worry about how you could love a second as much as you did your first? Have you ever lost a pet you loved and lived with for many years?

Also, try to find some advantages. Maybe more time for yourself, less messes around the house, maybe making dinners that you didn't before because she wouldn't eat that particular food.

Your job as a mother isn't over, it's just changing. You will create new ways of communicating long distance. You will have fun sending care packages and making things special when she comes home on breaks. Also, some colleges and universities have parent groups, especially for freshman parents. You're not alone! When you drop her off at her dorm you will see legions of parents going through the same experience!

[RedTop]

My oldest daughter is over 35, is a high school Special Education teacher, with a BS and 2 Masters degrees. When she was a high school senior, she also had visions of going away to college. There was no issue about her going to college, but she and I were not in agreement where. Prior to my daughters birth, I had worked in a division of student services at a local college, and every semester I was involved with the process of helping new freshmen withdraw from school within the first weeks, because campus life wasn't what they expected. Having handled paperwork on these students for several months, I was aware of their GPA, high school accomplishments, athletic skill, etc., but no matter how capable and educated the student appeared on paper, many of them were not ready to cope with the challenges of college life away from home. I saw my daughter as one of those students, so I wanted her to consider one of the fine local colleges in our area, live at home, and commute each day. This idea did not make my daughter happy, but she did listen to my concerns, and we found a way to compromise. My daughter agreed to stay local for 2 years, then we would look at where she was academically, and decide her future as a transfer student at that time. My daughter had her eyes opened in many ways that freshman year, and was very thankful to be attending school locally. Transferring was never discussed again. To this day, she is glad she did not go away to school, because of the adjustment process from high school atmosphere to college atmosphere. She is able to see that she was not ready for life on campus in an area that was not home, and that she wouldn't have been as focused as she should've been. Neither of us believe she would have the education she has today, if she had gone to school out of this area. As for how you cope with your daughter being away from home, you must have interests and projects that keep you busy living your own life. Best wishes to you.

[Vivian]

You will cry. You will be sad but you will be proud. There's no way to make it easy but you have to be strong for your daughter's sake. Just as you had to make your way in the world, so does your daughter. If you've done a good job as a parent, this is the reward...a child who is confident, capable, and secure in the knowledge that you know she will succeed.

[kzeks]

Please tell your daughter how proud of her you are

that she was accepted into a great University where

she will continue to mature and see the world through

different eyes as she meets people from around the world

in her classes...

:

Do not harp on how much you are going to miss her etc...

;

When one of my daughters was in College, the first year

they had to be in the dorms... One of her dorm mates cried

every day ALL day... She would cry so much that she would

throw up... All through the nights she would be crying and

saying "My mommy is missing me... My mommy said she does

not know what she will do when I am gone"... She did not

go for meals ...She did not go to classes or any of the events

for the incoming class...

:

The University called her parents who took her home...

This girl was 18 years old but she was not mature enough

to leave home and mummy..

[ForestMaven]

Oh, my dear, I do sympathize with you! Something you might want to do is find out what security measures the college has (the school she's interested in), and does she know self-defense? Don't want to be an alarmist here, but. . . .

Our two daughters went off to college when we lived in Utah years ago. One went to Minnesota for school, the other to Hawaii. They both did fine, and we truly didn't worry about them much at all, very self-reliant girls.

Our baby, our son, wanted to go to a college in WA state, and that was fine with us. We drove up, saw his digs, said goodbye after checking his dorm room and so forth, and left.

BUT enroute home, I burst into tears and cried uncontrollably for a while. No particular reason I could dredge up. He was our youngest--maybe that was the reason? He was also a very sensitive boy. A few months before he went to college, he came up to our bedroom and said, "Mom, I've just realized that when I go to college, you and Dad will be all alone." I stifled a giggle and told him we'd try to rise above it, etc. (We'd been fervently looking forward to our empty nest for several years!!!!)

You'll be fine. Just know you're among millions of parents seeing their children off somewhere and putting them into the hands of administrators and professors. It's broadening for children to be in another place, where they're on their own, doing their own laundry, managing their class work, and so on. ~Adele

[Sooner]

Don't worry about it. Be excited for her and enjoy the ride. It might be rough sometimes, but this is what you raised her for--to be her own person and not live at home her entire life! It is exciting, and be excited and happy for HER! And find some things to occupy your time!

She is going to have a great time on her own--and so should you! Few kids don't have a good time away! My mom tried to make me go to a local junior college, but my dad thought I should go to a major university away and try my wings. Thank goodness for his love and support and willingness to support my decision.

[lynbeechwood]

Thank you all so so much! Im going to print this page out and re-read it over and over!

[Dell1]

Think how you want your daughter to remember you. Do you want to be remembered as a clingy Mom or one that trusted she was going to handle being away from home just fine. I am a single Mother of two children. My oldest went away to a state university fairly close. My son during his freshman year in high school announced he wanted to go live with his Dad. That one really devastated me but I kept on thinking how do I want him to remember me? As confident in him or clingy. I never wanted to be that Mother who would by being clingy made the child feel bad for growing up and wanting to go do their thing.

It's her time. Let her enjoy it no matter how hard it is for you.