Mom to Mom

[queendiva]

Depends on the kid.

DS#1 went away to college for four years plus the following summer, and toured the country with a group the summer before that. Moved home for 2 1/2 years after college and bought a house in December. I still worry about him. At least the fiance is there to keep an eye out for him. He has a health concern that is controlled IF he takes daily meds.

DS #2 is graduating from college in May in a nearby state, then going across the country for temporary military duty assignment probably late summer until holidays. I never worry about him, ever.

[tedEbear]

@LilacTree--I feel your pain.  In my case I moved and have spent years missing her so much.  She went off to a cold, snowy state for college.  We are SoCAL people. That was a worry, but she was fine and loved it.  She was on the Varsity Softball all 4 years of college, tons of flying, and bus trips around the country.  Last year of college she went to Spain for a semester.  She really loved that!!!  At least she calls to let me know she arrived safely, she knows my Panic Attack issues.  Most of my family lets me know when they have landed safely.  

   You will get better at the deep sadness you feel.   THEN when she gets her big break  you will be here, letting us know of this FAMOUS STAR!!!!!!-------------tedEbear

[KingstonsMom]

@LilacTree

Letting them go is so, so hard, but I have to refer to my siggy line.

'You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have'. 

They all find their wings, as it should be.

She sounds like a fine young lady with plans in place and has her friends, so she's not alone.

Just try not to worry too much, it could affect your health, but I know from experience that is much easier to say than to do.

My best wishes to her and her friends in their exciting new adventure!

[LilacTree]

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@hoosieroriginal wrote:

In our family, maturity seemed to skip a generation (my children).  Yet my granddaughter is like a 40 year old woman (now 23) and makes good decisions in her life.  I think your granddaughter seems to have a good head on her shoulders - wouldn't worry about her. 

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I'm going to try not to worry.  Oddly enough my daughter is not worried at all !!

[LilacTree]

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@Vivian Florimond wrote:

This post really resonates with me. My older daughter was visiting overnight on her way to a business trip and we started talking about my oldest grandchild, her nephew, who is 21 and graduating from college in May. At first we laughed about funny family stories, those we'll NEVER repeat to his girlfriend. Then, however, we started talking about how he'll be moving out into the world. He may be somewhere else when we visit at Christmas next year. It was hard enough when my younger daughter moved from NY to FL in 2001 but to visit them and not have ALL my kids and grandkids together makes me sad. 

My oldest granddaughter is going off to college next fall and even my youngest granddaughter (she's my oldest daughter's child) is turning 12 on her mother's birthday on 3/3. She's growing up so fast. I joke that the only baby left in the family is my beagle, a perpetual puppy. 

I think that I understand what the original poster is saying. It's part of life for our children to grow up, become independent and responsible, and embark upon careers and relationships (good ones, we hope). Then we get the chance to go through it again with our grandchildren, if we're fortunate. But then, the grandkids start going through the same normal voyage through life. We love them so much as babies, as children, EVEN as teenagers (one of the great benefits of grandparenthood). It's another version of the empty nest. Maybe the psychologists can give it a name, because it IS real.

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Yes, it is so real.  You love them and worry about them the same as you did for your children.  All I ever used to say was I wanted to be here long enough to see my children grow up.  Now I'm watching my grandchildren grow up!  I am lucky to have that privilege.

[LilacTree]

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@ilovefall wrote:

I don't normally post my views on any of these blogs but felt I needed to on this one.  Our son, who will turn 21 in April, joined the Air Force Reserves.  He leaves for San Antonio, TX on Feb. 16th....15 short days.  My eyes well up just thinking about it.  He has a really good head on his shoulders and has always wanted to go into some type of military.  I am thankful he didn't enlist full time.  He wants to be a police officer.  He went to school and received his associates in Criminal Justice.  He has NEVER flown.  Whenever we take vacations, we drive.  Even on our cruises...we drive to NY and depart from there.  None of us have ever felt the need to fly somewhere.  That makes me nervous.  I'm sure he's nervous too.  Then there is the whole basic training.  He know what he's getting into and he knows it will be hard the first few weeks but he's looking forward to it.  He only gets two phone calls in the eight weeks he will be there.  One on the fourth day of arrival and then one about half way into training.  Other than that, it's writing letters.  I know my husband and I are going to lose it when we bring him to the airport.  I am dreading that day.  We will fly to Texas in April for his graduation.  The 'job' he will be doing will take him to California.  He will come home (CT) in August.  We will be Skyping during that time.  Our oldest is planning on moving out with his girlfriend in the next few months.  Our life is going to change drastically.  I know everything changes, and it will be good, but I'm having an extremely difficult time with all of this.  Thanks for listening.

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Isn't it amazing how brave they are in this troubled and dangerous world.  Your son obviously wants to make a difference.  But I know, proud though you may be, you will probably worry about him every day. 

[LilacTree]

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@Mominohio wrote:

I do feel your pain. But she sounds like she is definitely well grounded.

If she were not to do this, to try to live her dream, she may regret it all her life. Maybe she won't be as successful as she hopes, in this particular endeavor, and this is alright, she will have experiences and opportunities that staying close to home would never come her way.

It would be sad to see her go off on this journey if she had no talent in the areas she is pursuing (think of those poor kids on American Idol every year who try out having no idea how really bad they are), as she would be defeated so quickly when she sees all the talent out their to compete with. But she sounds like she is not only emotionally healthy and excited about this new chapter in her life, but has the skills and talents to compete, and succeed. 

And the big city at a young age is very scary for us parents (and grandparents) to be sending out kids off into. Again, it seems she has thought ahead, is going with a group of friends and will have a support system, and others surrounding her to keep her safe and grounded.

I envy young people who are so optimistic and heading out to pursue their dreams. It seems not all that long ago I was so excited to be embarking on my adult journey. 

You will be able to keep in touch with her easily with today's technology, and I know you will celebrate her successes and share her disappointments through this walk. Have fun watching her grow and experience. 

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She started very young with dance at the age of four, and stayed with it for years.  She also has experience in high school plays, was "Dorothy" in "The Wiz," and played second lead in "Medea."  In community college, she was also second lead in their production of "Rent."

Will she succeed in theater?  That would have to be a matter of luck . . . there are so many other talented young hopefuls in NYC.  What perhaps sets her a little apart is her genuine conviction that she is going to succeed.  She is very driven, and has personality galore, people are automatically drawn to her.  Whatever happens, she will certainly grow with this experience. 

I think of the dangers, of course.  She knows them, but she doesn't dwell on that.  I will get used to this.

[LilacTree]

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@StylishLady wrote:

It's an experience all parents and grandparents share at one time or another. The kids venture out on their own and you pray that they have been imbued with the skills and knowledge to make sound decisions. I wish them all the best of luck. We will always be there to help them up if they stumble. 

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Yes, we will.

[LilacTree]

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@queendiva wrote:

(((Hugs, OP)))

First floor apartment? That what worries me. Hope there are bars or special safety screens on the windows.

She's not in Kansas (or wherever) anymore.

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I worry about that, but they are thrilled they don't have stairs to climb.  It's all a matter of how one views it.  She said it's very safe, but of course we all know nothing's really safe anymore, so might as well just plow in!  I am glad there are five of them, two of whom are strong young men.

[LilacTree]

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@jackthebear wrote:

the time to live in a cheap and tiny apt in Manhattan IS when you are young and think is an adventure.  My daughter did it for 4 years,

Let her have that chance you only get it once

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This apartment is quite large and not cheap.  They scaled it as to who pays what.  I believe they have done their homework on that issue.  The wealthier parents are probably paying some of this as they are most likely happy their kids are with their friends.  We did not discuss it (it is not my business).

I'm hoping it will go well, they've been planning it for many months.

Four years is a long time.  Did she come back?