Re: If you could turn back time….

Poodlepet2 · ‎03-09-2010

Jubilant, I totally agree with you-specifically on the working woman front. My DH was in grad school and we were probably the poorest in our neighborhood. We had one car, we never ate out (McDonald's would put a strain on the weekly budget), yet we decided to start our family. I did not have too much in common with the ladies of the neighborhood. They fancied themselves to be superior because they drove nice cars,wore nice clothes and I could not possibly fathom how stressful it was to pick up your child from daycare and figure out something quick for dinner...and when we had heavy snow and schools and daycare was closed, why I was the most popular lady on the block. I was the stay at home mom who had nothing to do o course!

...and even though we had virtually nothing,I wouldn't change a thing. I could have gone back to work, but why bring a child into the world for somebody else to raise? Who would care more about my baby: me, or a stranger? I just did not understand the mentality because any of these women could have stayed home to raise their children, but the acquisition of "nice things" was more important.

I DO understand there are circumstances where it absolutely requires two incomes to make ends meet. I am not against women working, but if they are working to pay a mortgage on a house they can't afford, or working to drive a late model car-I am just not understanding.

Poodlepet

!

ILUVChristmas · ‎12-01-2010

On 7/31/2014 jubilant said:
On 7/28/2014 kittymomNC said:
On 7/28/2014 chrystaltree said:
On 7/28/2014 expatgal said:
I guess I would say I just wish there wasn't so much pressure on women today. To BE a certain way, to LOOK a certain way, or to THINK a certain way. No longer are you "allowed" to decide to stay at home, raise a family, cook meals, etc. Having it all seems to be the norm now with young women and at age 60, I know in my heart it simply isn't possible. Women are only "accepted" in today's society if they have careers outside the home, look perfect at all times, and have a wonderful, well adjusted family. It even sounds impossible when you type it!

Actually, putting food on the table and clothes on their kids backs and paying mortgages and car notes and cell phone bills and orthodontist bills and saving for college and paying off their OWN college loans is the NORM today. Perhaps you haven't noticed but life is very expensive today. Women aren't heading off to offices and other worksites because they WANT. We aren't looking for that Mary Tyler Moore experience. Women HAVE to work because it's virtually impossible for a family live any type of life worth living on one salary. Well, maybe you can if that salary is in the mid six figures. But for us ordinary people; it's just not possible. Just as it takes two to MAKE a family, well today it takes TWO to support that family. We're lucky if we can take a few years off to stay home. Some of us don't want kids who graduate high school and go on to work a "do you want fries with that" type of job. Some of us live in town and cities with atrocious public schools and private schools are a necessity. Obviously, you are from a different generation and have no idea whatsoever what challegned families and women face to day.

I'm not answering for expatgal, I just wanted to comment. And please understand that I'm not criticizing you or what you said. I'm just giving a different way of looking at things. I do agree with a lot of what you've said - in this day and age, it's very difficult to raise a family on one salary--in fact there is so much in the news now about the "working poor", where both parents work low-paying jobs and still can't make ends meet. I'm just doubtful about your last sentence.

I'm older than expatgal, so I'm from a different generation as well. Just because you're from a different generation doesn't mean you don't have any idea of what's going on now. You don't know what her circumstances were, and she's expressing an opinion. But I do understand the challenges because I was a single mom from the time my son was 3. I was the mother, the father, the breadwinner, the cook, the homework teacher, the yard worker, the food buyer, the one who bought the clothes, and paid the medical bills and the orthodontist bills, and paid for the car, and took care of the car, and paid the rent, then the mortgage, took care of MY mom for the months before she died, while I had a job and a 16-year old at home, etc. etc. etc. On ONE salary, so it can be done. For me it wasn't by choice, it was by necessity, and we certainly didn't have everything that everyone else had, but I did it with no help from anyone. It may be hard, but there are always stories of people who have made the choice to have less, live a simpler life, and make do with one salary - even today.

Now my son has health issues, lost his job because of it, and is in danger of losing his house - and I'm retired, but I'm trying to help him. Still on ONE income..... So even though my circumstances have been out of necessity, I'm just saying how much can be done by one person, or one income....it has a lot to do with the choices you make. And maybe it is partly because I'm from a different generation -- we learned at a young age how to do with less because most people didn't have all that much when I was younger - therefore, I guess we just learned not to expect as much and to be happy with what we had.

This is a great post and I so agree with it.

Yep, have to say it can be done on one income even today. Don't have to have the most expensive house or car , pay someone to clean your house or do your clothes or eat out all the time to have a good quality life. Can even pay for college too. Can even take vacations. Think of all the single moms who do it today. Being smart with your money can go a long way .

ILUVChristmas · ‎12-01-2010

I would turn back time to our way of life in America before 911. The economy was good, people working and happier, great shows on tv...it was a fun time.

ILUVChristmas · ‎12-01-2010

On 7/31/2014 Christmasnut said:
On 7/31/2014 jubilant said:
On 7/28/2014 kittymomNC said:
On 7/28/2014 chrystaltree said:
On 7/28/2014 expatgal said:
I guess I would say I just wish there wasn't so much pressure on women today. To BE a certain way, to LOOK a certain way, or to THINK a certain way. No longer are you "allowed" to decide to stay at home, raise a family, cook meals, etc. Having it all seems to be the norm now with young women and at age 60, I know in my heart it simply isn't possible. Women are only "accepted" in today's society if they have careers outside the home, look perfect at all times, and have a wonderful, well adjusted family. It even sounds impossible when you type it!

Actually, putting food on the table and clothes on their kids backs and paying mortgages and car notes and cell phone bills and orthodontist bills and saving for college and paying off their OWN college loans is the NORM today. Perhaps you haven't noticed but life is very expensive today. Women aren't heading off to offices and other worksites because they WANT. We aren't looking for that Mary Tyler Moore experience. Women HAVE to work because it's virtually impossible for a family live any type of life worth living on one salary. Well, maybe you can if that salary is in the mid six figures. But for us ordinary people; it's just not possible. Just as it takes two to MAKE a family, well today it takes TWO to support that family. We're lucky if we can take a few years off to stay home. Some of us don't want kids who graduate high school and go on to work a "do you want fries with that" type of job. Some of us live in town and cities with atrocious public schools and private schools are a necessity. Obviously, you are from a different generation and have no idea whatsoever what challegned families and women face to day.

I'm not answering for expatgal, I just wanted to comment. And please understand that I'm not criticizing you or what you said. I'm just giving a different way of looking at things. I do agree with a lot of what you've said - in this day and age, it's very difficult to raise a family on one salary--in fact there is so much in the news now about the "working poor", where both parents work low-paying jobs and still can't make ends meet. I'm just doubtful about your last sentence.

I'm older than expatgal, so I'm from a different generation as well. Just because you're from a different generation doesn't mean you don't have any idea of what's going on now. You don't know what her circumstances were, and she's expressing an opinion. But I do understand the challenges because I was a single mom from the time my son was 3. I was the mother, the father, the breadwinner, the cook, the homework teacher, the yard worker, the food buyer, the one who bought the clothes, and paid the medical bills and the orthodontist bills, and paid for the car, and took care of the car, and paid the rent, then the mortgage, took care of MY mom for the months before she died, while I had a job and a 16-year old at home, etc. etc. etc. On ONE salary, so it can be done. For me it wasn't by choice, it was by necessity, and we certainly didn't have everything that everyone else had, but I did it with no help from anyone. It may be hard, but there are always stories of people who have made the choice to have less, live a simpler life, and make do with one salary - even today.

Now my son has health issues, lost his job because of it, and is in danger of losing his house - and I'm retired, but I'm trying to help him. Still on ONE income..... So even though my circumstances have been out of necessity, I'm just saying how much can be done by one person, or one income....it has a lot to do with the choices you make. And maybe it is partly because I'm from a different generation -- we learned at a young age how to do with less because most people didn't have all that much when I was younger - therefore, I guess we just learned not to expect as much and to be happy with what we had.

This is a great post and I so agree with it.

Yep, have to say it can be done on one income even today. Don't have to have the most expensive house or car , pay someone to clean your house or do your clothes or eat out all the time to have a good quality life. Can even pay for college too. Can even take vacations. Think of all the single moms who do it today. Being smart with your money can go a long way . oh yeah and definitely not in the mid six figure LOL

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

On 7/31/2014 Poodlepet said:
Jubilant, I totally agree with you-specifically on the working woman front. My DH was in grad school and we were probably the poorest in our neighborhood. We had one car, we never ate out (McDonald's would put a strain on the weekly budget), yet we decided to start our family. I did not have too much in common with the ladies of the neighborhood. They fancied themselves to be superior because they drove nice cars,wore nice clothes and I could not possibly fathom how stressful it was to pick up your child from daycare and figure out something quick for dinner...and when we had heavy snow and schools and daycare was closed, why I was the most popular lady on the block. I was the stay at home mom who had nothing to do o course!

...and even though we had virtually nothing,I wouldn't change a thing. I could have gone back to work, but why bring a child into the world for somebody else to raise? Who would care more about my baby: me, or a stranger? I just did not understand the mentality because any of these women could have stayed home to raise their children, but the acquisition of "nice things" was more important.

I DO understand there are circumstances where it absolutely requires two incomes to make ends meet. I am not against women working, but if they are working to pay a mortgage on a house they can't afford, or working to drive a late model car-I am just not understanding.

Poodlepet

!

I'll help you understand because my mother worked after I went to school. She worked because we had nicer things; she worked in case my dad died or couldn't work so we wouldn't have to worry about that; she worked because she enjoyed the contact with other people and she thought it made her a better and more interesting person and that helped her make ME more interesting; she worked for a pension; she worked because she didn't believe women should have to rely on someone else taking care of them. She worked for a million reasons

What did that do for me? It made me more independent, it made me never be afraid of work, I learned to cook and do laundry, and I learned to be part of the grownup household world. It gave me more security, it gave me a college education in large part paid for my parents, it allowed them to move to a nice house after I was out of college. That was something she had always wanted and she earned it. All of us lived better because she worked.

Her working did not adversely affect me. In many ways so much of what I know now came FROM her working. We have always been close; we read and share stories and laugh and always have and we did things together and had lots of fun while I was growing up. I could never say she was less of a mother or a worse mother because she worked. I admire her more than anyone I know.

IControlMyHappiness · ‎01-21-2012

Honestly, I really have no great memories of my childhood, my great memories are things I created for me and my husband, the places we have traveled, and how we live.